Fade To Black
by lizardwriter
Summary: Effy and Katie have issues dealing with the start of year two of college. Pairings: Katie/Cook, potential Katie/Effy? Disclaimer: Skins characters aren't mine and I'm not profiting from this in any way. A/N: Title from the Metallica song "Fade To Black"
1. Chapter 1

She wanted to give up. Wondered often why she hadn't yet. What was the point really, when one day followed another without any apparent distinction, blurring together in a haze of alcohol and drugs and basic lack of caring. Effy didn't know. She didn't have a good reason. She just knew that day after day she continued to wake up, staring dully at a stark white ceiling. For a second she'd stretch and yawn, because she never quite managed to get more than about four hours of sleep, and forget just for a second, that there was no point to bothering with anything. Then reality would sink in. Always. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't keep it at bay, so she'd reach for the bottle of vodka, replaced every other day, that was constantly by her bed these days, and took a swig, closing her eyes as the alcohol burned down her throat in a familiar and almost comforting way. It didn't matter what time it was, she simply took a drink. There was sure as hell no point in facing the day without at least a buzz.

_First day back to school today_, she mused, almost proud of herself for remembering. Almost. Because what was the point in pride anyway. She could skip school, she knew. Her mum hadn't known what day it was for weeks and her dad just wasn't there. No one would care. But then again, what was the point of skipping? At least school was something to do.

Her summer had been shit for weeks as she travelled with Cook, good for a grand total of thirteen days when she'd first gotten with Freddie (who she'd loved, hadn't she?), then shit again as her "relationship" with Freddie unravelled. Of course it hadn't been love. Love was a fallacy. He'd been infatuated and she'd been hopeful that for the first time in her life somebody might actually see her for her, rather than for the facade she put up. It had been ridiculous to think that though, because they'd had at best two real conversations before they'd gotten together, and Freddie didn't watch people like she did, didn't take in their nuances, their little truths that added into bigger ones that nobody else seemed to really notice, so how could Freddie have known her? How could he have loved her? He couldn't, and he hadn't.

They'd had thirteen days of amazing sex, constant little touches, goofy grins, and she'd almost believed. The first time they'd tried to have a conversation, though, everything had fallen apart. They had fuck all in common, after all.

Effy threw on some clothes. She didn't bother thinking about what exactly she was putting on. It didn't matter. All the boys would still want to fuck her regardless. She took another long swig of vodka to brace herself for looking in the mirror. She couldn't stand to see herself, dead blue eyes staring hollowly back at her. She focused instead on the eye shadow, the eyeliner, the mascara, the mask she painted on herself every day that almost made her eyes look alive. It hid her, but not enough. Not enough that she could bear to take a look at the whole picture when she was done.

Two more gulps of vodka and a cigarette constituted breakfast before she left the house to head to school, pausing briefly by the front door to put on her final mask, the small smirk that suggested to all a confidence that had long ago abandoned her. It was a mask, a shell, protecting what exactly, she didn't know. She was hollow inside. Anything worth protecting having forsaken her once and for all it seemed. Nonetheless the mask was in place. Just one more thing she wasn't sure why she bothered with and wished she'd give up on.

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Katie cringed when she opened her eyes, the bright morning light intensifying the pain behind her eyes. Her mouth was dry and felt like it was full of cotton and her head pounded. She fumbled on her bedside table for the bottle of paracetemol, popped two on her tongue, then reached for the glass of water that she was happy she'd had the presence of mind to get herself when she'd stumbled in the night before. She glanced at her sister's bed, finding it empty. No surprise there. She'd said she was getting up early to go to Naomi's so they could walk to school together.

School. Fuck! Katie lay back and closed her eyes hoping that either her head would explode or the pain would subside as dread washed over her. It was the same dread that had propelled her out the night before, and in fact every night for the past two weeks.

Images from the night before flashed into her brain. She'd started drinking as soon as she'd gotten there, trying to keep the dread at bay, trying to forget why it was there to begin with. Five shots and an apple martini later, Matt or Mark or something had pressed a tablet of some sort into her hand as he'd whispered into her ear that she was beautiful. It had been all she'd wanted, no, needed to hear. She'd taken the pill and pulled him in for a kiss. By the time the pill kicked in, Matt/Mark was thrusting into her with long hard strokes as he'd latched sloppily onto her neck. She hadn't cared enough to make him stop before he'd left a mark. Besides, it would just show that she was still desirable, right?

Katie wondered briefly if she'd bothered making him wear a condom. Nothing she could do about it now though and there were more pressing matters at hand. Today she had to go back to school. Back to whispered rumours and pitying stares and a general feeling of humiliation. It was ironic how she'd always wanted to be special, to be something more than a face in the crowd, and now that she had it, all she wanted was some anonymity.

She'd managed to avoid Effy and Freddie and most everyone else she knew except Emily and Naomi all summer, largely by being somewhere other than Bristol. A week with her aunt and uncle in Glasgow, another two weeks staying with her older cousin in St. Andrews, another week on a family holiday to the Lake District, and even a four day trip to London with Emily and Naomi just to get away, to try to escape the real world, her real life…Her old life at least. Now she felt like an empty shell of the girl she'd been before, filled only with weakness and dread.

"Get your fat arse up! Mum says you've got to make me my packed lunch!" James yelled, bursting into the bedroom. If anything, her brother had become even more insufferable over the summer.

The pounding in Katie's head let her know that it would be a bad idea to get up to kick his ass, so she settled for throwing a pillow at him. "Fuck off!"

"Fine, but you still have to make my packed lunch, bitch!" James informed her before quickly closing the door behind him in case his sister found something else to throw at him. Katie groaned as she sat up again and checked the time. She sighed as her sense of dread deepened. _What's the point,_ she wondered as she climbed out of bed and crossed to the closet rummaging around for an inconspicuous outfit for once. She may as well give up now, she knew, because nobody would really let her forget all that had happened. Nobody would really let her escape her own life.

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Freddie stalked past, clearly making a point of ignoring her. She knew that she should probably care. If she was normal she should care, right? But she couldn't.

She could, however, clearly feel the alcohol pulsing through her veins. It helped her keep her mask in place.

The feeling was short lived however when she caught sight of a familiar flash of red hair and suddenly the first real emotion that she'd felt in months pounced on her. Guilt flooded through her, and she was struck by what a stupid emotion it was because feeling guilty about something didn't change that it had happened. It wasn't like she could take anything back. That knowledge made her sense of guilt no less acute and she was suddenly quite glad she'd put the rest of the bottle of vodka in her bag.

It only took her a minute to figure out that the redhead she'd seen was Emily, not Katie, but the damage had already been done. She slipped outside, took several gulps of vodka, before sliding it back into her bag, and lit up a cigarette, inhaling deeply and closing her eyes as she felt her buzz intensify. Opening her eyes again was a mistake. The guilt seemed even more intense now that she was actually staring at Katie. The girl had dyed her hair over the summer, and the new browner, darker colour quite suited her. The almost timid and clearly nervous expression on her face did not. Effy knew that she was in large part responsible for Katie's nervousness, and that knowledge twisted in her gut worse than anything else.

Effy saw the inevitable pointing and staring start. She felt the second emotion she'd felt in weeks flood through her as anger overwhelmed her guilt. Who were they to judge? None of them mattered, so what gave them the right? In a year they'd have scattered, forgotten. Maybe if they weren't so quick to judge, maybe if they watched rather than talked, they'd know more, they'd be better.

Effy knew that Katie hadn't seen her yet, and she found herself actually caring that Katie doing so would probably make the girl upset, so she decided to ignore her anger for now. As she took one last swig of vodka, she considered ignoring it forever. It wouldn't be the first emotion she'd ignored and probably wouldn't be the last either.

It startled her that she cared at all. She had grown so used to her numb little cocoon that it was strange to feel something so acutely. She had little time to ponder that fact as Pandora approached her tentatively then began to babble nervously. Their relationship had been strained at best since Gobbler's End, but it seemed that the blonde was hoping for a fresh start. It was easy to be quiet around Pandora, easy to observe others without being obvious about it, easy to keep her mask intact. For this reason more than that she wanted the company, she shot Pandora a fake half-smile, that Pandora clearly took as genuine. As the still babbling girl fell into step beside her, Effy was taken back briefly to the start of the previous year. It was much the same and yet so different. For starters she'd been sober that day. She hadn't been on the verge of giving up. She had still considered that there might potentially be a point to things, be hope in the world, be hope in her world specifically. She balked at the naïveté of it now. She'd thought herself something special back then, her smug mask, had been easier to keep on because she had been smug to an extent. The boys had all wanted her. She'd seen it in their eyes. They still did, but she was indifferent now, only flashing them a seductive smile or running her tongue along her lips in a way she knew would get them hard in a second because it gave her something to do, something to pass the time. The inevitable, continuous time that kept marching forward no matter how much vodka Effy had consumed. The time that Effy felt like she was drowning in. The time she wanted to give up on.

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Putting off getting to class until the last minute had turned out to be a horrible idea because now all of the people she'd wanted to avoid were staring back at her, a sea of faces. All of the attention that she'd hoped to deter now clearly focused on her. She heard the mumble of "rock" from somewhere to her right and she began to feel the room closing in around her. The words "gay sister" and "fight" drifted to her from her left, and suddenly the air felt thinner, like it somehow didn't contain enough oxygen. At the name "Effy" pain seared through her chest.

"Excuse me, Miss?" Katie approached the teacher.

"Name?" the teacher replied without looking up from her desk.

"Katie. Katie Fitch," Katie replied.

"What can I do for you, Miss Fitch?"

"I'm not feeling well. I was wondering if I could have a lie down at the nurse's office?" Katie suggested hopefully. She needed to escape. Escape this classroom, escape reality.

The teacher examined her for a second, managing somehow to look down her nose at Katie despite being seated. "You do look a bit pale. Go ahead," the woman conceded after a second.

Katie exhaled only once she'd exited the classroom, felt her chest slowly relax as she breathed in deeply. She was cowardly to run, she knew she was. It would only serve to fuel the rumours. She couldn't take it though. Couldn't stand it.


	2. Chapter 2

Effy saw Katie wonder past her classroom, face pale and expression distraught. Guilt flooded through her once more. She wasn't sure which was worse: the unfeeling that she'd almost grown accustomed to that had pervaded her life for weeks, or the sudden bursts of feeling that she'd experienced thus far that day. She found herself curious as to where Katie was headed, why she wasn't in class, why she looked so upset. She knew she had no right to wonder. She knew that it was pointless to be curious. Still, she was curious and the professor was doing nothing to pique her interest. He'd been droning on about something that she hadn't even bothered to pay attention to. She'd simply been colouring in the margins of her notebook, making them as dark as possible, ripping through the paper at points. Without bothering to ask, she stood and left the classroom. She heard the professor splutter behind her as the door swung shut behind her, but she couldn't be bothered.

She followed Katie, but from a distance, not wanting to make the girl aware of her. She wondered, as she walked, if perhaps she wasn't even more sick and twisted than she'd always thought. Maybe she was more wrong in the head than she'd always suspected. She was, after all, chasing after the one person who'd made her feel anything in the past several weeks, and it wasn't even a fucking pleasant feeling.

Katie was heading towards the nurse's office, but she walked right on past. She kept walking until she was out of the building, then she was walking further. She stopped a little way away and sat down wearily on a small wall. Effy was thankful when the girl didn't look up, giving Effy a chance to duck into a corner. She felt like a stalker as she watched Katie's shaky hands reaching for her bag and pull out a pack of cigarettes. She watched as Katie hit the box against her hand three times before opening the box and pulling out a cigarette, putting it to her lips. She watched as Katie rummaged through her bag, clearly trying to find a lighter. Effy had a sudden urge to go offer the girl a light, but she knew in her gut that it would be a mistake. Everything she did was a mistake. Everything. She knew most of the time too, and she did it anyway. Not this time though. The guilt that was still coursing through her veins wouldn't let her this time. So she watched, instead, as Katie struggled to have the lighter light, as she finally inhaled deeply, closing her eyes, as she seemed to calm a little bit.

Effy stayed hidden and watched quietly as Katie finished her first cigarette and lit up a second, hands more stable now. She saw the upset expression on the girl's face fade, become determined, then turn blank. Effy realised that she wasn't the only one hiding behind a mask.

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They'd cornered her at her locker. She didn't need to hear what words they used to feel the stabbing of their jeers. She could hear the sneer in their questions and it might her chest constrict uncomfortably until it felt like she was fighting for breath. She stopped breathing all together when she heard a familiar voice from behind the two blonde bitches. It was gravellier than she remembered but she'd know it anywhere and it sent a chill down her spine.

"Fuck off, or I'll hit both of you over the head with a rock as well," Effy murmured threateningly.

The girls paled and, without turning around, they shuffled away quickly.

Katie stood there, frozen in fear and panic for a second. She'd contemplated what she'd say if she ever saw Effy Stonem again, played it over in her head when she'd been high and had less control over where her thoughts went. All of her thoughts failed her now that she was faced with Effy in person.

Effy seemed unable to look directly at her, and after a minute of uncomfortable silence, Effy nodded slightly and walked away.

That set Katie off. How dare she fucking walk away? How dare she not even fucking try to apologise? Katie took off after her. She caught up with the slender girl just outside, grabbed her wrist, and spun her around. "What the fuck!" she demanded.

Effy's eyes went wide and Katie thought she saw a flash of shock in the girl's eyes before they clouded over, expressionless.

"What the fuck?" Katie repeated, and it was more of a question this time. She grew even more infuriated when Effy said nothing, didn't even open her mouth to try. "You don't fucking get to do that! Got it? You don't fucking get to leave me for dead, then turn around months later and fucking rescue me, yeah? I don't need rescuing! Not by you! Got it?"

Katie felt a small thrill as Effy physically flinched at the last words. She felt a bit of her old self resurface. She felt a bit of her old strength return.

"Got it," Effy muttered.

"Jesus, you reek. You fucking drinking at school now? That's well classy, that is!" Katie sneered. She almost smiled then because it almost sounded like how she was supposed to sound. Almost. Katie felt a small victory, though, when she turned, leaving Effy standing there, and strode away. She only faltered slightly when she realised that she was heading in the wrong direction if she was going to go home. She stopped all together when she realised that she didn't want to go home. Home was hell. Home was full of reminders. Reminders of old Katie. Reminders of hours spent staring at walls full of posters, hiding in shame and humiliation. Reminders of weeks spent trying to hide her ghastly bruises. Reminders of family friction. Reminders of sickeningly happy couples that didn't include her. Reminders of love she wasn't sure she was ever going to have.

She started walking again just to walk. She didn't care about her destination anymore. Nowhere would be far enough away.

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She didn't know why she'd done it. Well, that was a lie. _Wonderful_, she thought, _I'm telling myself more lies._ She'd been angry. Really angry. Worse than she'd been earlier that morning. Those girls had had no right to judge Katie. Nobody had any right to judge anybody. Nobody was fucking perfect. Nobody was without fault. They were all human, which innately meant that they were all severely flawed. Who did those bitches think they were, casting stones at someone unfortunate enough to have her humiliation in public.

It had been a stupid threat, she'd known. Stupid and potentially harmful to the person she was trying to help, to Katie. She should have left rocks out of it.

She hadn't expected Katie's rage. She couldn't deny the girl that though. Effy deserved it, she was fully aware. Katie may have had her hands on Effy's neck that night at Gobbler's End, but had it not been for the drugs, Effy would've known that she was in no real danger of dying. Katie Fitch was not a killer. Effy wasn't so sure she could say the same thing about herself. She had, after all, split Katie's head open and just left her there. She'd left her unconscious and bleeding in the woods and gone off and fucked Katie's boyfriend. What type of a person did that? From what she'd seen of Katie so far that day, she'd at least killed part of her. _Possibly,_ Effy thought, _I've killed part of myself as well._

"You don't fucking get to do that! Got it? You don't fucking get to leave me for dead, then turn around months later and fucking rescue me, yeah? I don't need rescuing! Not by you! Got it?"

The words were harsh, but true. Effy didn't know how to respond to Katie's sudden outburst. She was immediately filled with her third emotion of the day: self-loathing. She was stupid. A complete fucking idiot, really. Had she really thought that one small act of what could potentially be deemed kindness would make up for anything? She couldn't say anything. Genuinely wasn't capable of it. And Katie, the Katie she'd known the year before, or a good imitation of her anyway, grabbed her wrist and it burned like it was on fire. Accusing brown eyes pierced through Effy's external mask and it felt like they were peering into her very essence. So Effy struggled to put her mask back in place, to be numb. It was strange struggling with that, since she'd all but perfected the art of being numb that summer. But her biggest mistake was glaring her in the face, scar clearly visible just above her left temple, and it cut through her numbness like a knife through butter and made her actually feel.

Effy wanted it to stop. No. Needed it to stop. The emotion rolling through her needed to stop. When Katie walked away, Effy didn't follow. Instead she slipped the almost empty bottle of vodka from her bag and took a long, hard gulp. She watched Katie's retreating form until it rounded a corner, out of sight, then she turned and walked home, straight up to her room, straight to her desk. She opened the drawer and pulled out a small bag of pills. There was a variety in there and any of them she knew would have the desired effect. She closed her eyes, picked one out, popped it in her mouth without bothering to see what it was. Swallowed it dry, then lay down on her bed waiting for numbness to wash over her.

Later, mask securely in place, she went out and bought three new bottles of vodka to replace the one she'd downed earlier.

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"Are you ok?"

Katie knew that the concern was heartfelt, but she just couldn't fucking stand it right then. It was a stupid question anyway. "When the fuck have I been fine in the past two months, Ems?'

Katie saw Naomi scowl and open her mouth as if to say something, but she shut it again a second later.

"Sorry," Emily mumbled.

Katie didn't miss the way that Naomi squeezed Emily's hand. She hated herself when a second later she found herself wishing she had someone to squeeze her hand like that. She was jealous, she knew, and it was ridiculous. She'd fallen so far that she was jealous of her twin sister's lesbian relationship for fuck's sake! Because at least Emily wasn't alone. At least Emily had someone who loved her. Katie hated how pathetic she'd become, so instead she clung to the remnants of her old self that she'd rediscovered earlier when she'd confronted Effy. That was pathetic too, she knew, in its own way.

"Emily! Can you come here for a minute, please?" There mum's voice called from downstairs and Emily looked for a second as if she was about to snap at her, but instead she just sighed.

"Coming Mum!" she hollered back. Emily looked from Katie to Naomi and back and Katie could tell that she was worrying as to whether she could leave them alone in a room together without them killing each other.

Naomi kissed Emily on the side of the head and Katie thought she heard a whisper of, "We'll be fine."

Emily took a deep breath and left the room. Naomi took a seat on Emily's bed and looked up at Katie.

"Did you see her then?" Naomi inquired after a second.

"Who?" Katie played dumb. She was good at it after all, she thought meanly to herself.

"The Queen Mum," Naomi rolled her eyes. "Effy, you cow."

Katie's mask faltered for a second and she knew she flinched. She saw Naomi's face soften, and fuck! Because really she didn't need Naomi's pity. She sure as hell didn't want it.

"Did she say anything?" Naomi asked, and Katie was mildly surprised to find that her voice wasn't pitying.

"Not really," Katie replied.

'You can walk to and from school with me and Emily if you'd like," Naomi offered.

"Have I become that pathetic that I need my lesbian sister and her girlfriend as bodyguards?" Katie spat, half angry at herself because the truth was that she probably was that pathetic and the dread that had been ever present for weeks had failed to dissipate over the day as she'd hoped it would.

Naomi shrugged. "I was thinking more like friends than bodyguards, but suit yourself."

Katie genuinely had no response to that. True, she and Naomi had more or less gotten along all summer, even if they still bickered rather a lot. Naomi wasn't a total cunt, it had turned out, and there were times that she'd been a lot more tolerable than Emily who'd spent rather a lot of her summer being concerned about Katie and asking twenty times a day how she was doing, much to the older twin's annoyance. Still Katie wouldn't have considered the blonde a friend per se. Then again, she didn't really have any at all at the moment. Naomi had to be better than nobody, right? "Right. Well...thanks."

"No problem," Naomi replied.

Katie took a seat on her bed and stared back at Naomi. Of everyone she'd encountered so far since Gobbler's End, Naomi seemed to judge the least. Or maybe she'd just made up her mind about Katie ages ago and hadn't bothered to change her opinion just because of something like a rock to the head. "Do you-" Katie started to ask, but an exasperated Emily burst back into the room ranting about their mother, so she didn't have a chance to finish. Just as well, she figured. She'd probably have sounded stupid or pathetic.

Naomi looked at her expectantly for a second before turning sympathetically to her girlfriend.

Katie decided to leave them in peace. Somebody ought to have some peace, she decided. Her brain certainly wasn't letting her have any.


	3. Chapter 3

She tried not to notice that they weren't together. She tried not to notice anything about either of them. Most of the time she tried to pretend that neither Effy not Freddie even existed. Still, people talked, and they didn't seem to be making any sort of an effort to not talk around her, except for the two blonde bitches that Effy had threatened, Katie noted with a little bit of amusement. Effy and Freddie weren't dating. She'd broken up with him, according to the gossip. Katie couldn't help thinking that it served Freddie right. Wanker!

Knowing that didn't abate the anxiety which had become her almost constant companion throughout the school day. Either Emily or Naomi or both were almost constantly with her at school, and even that only gave her a small feeling of security. It at the very least made her think that maybe she did have friends, or could if she tried. Naomi seemed rather defensive of her, at least, which was nice in its own way, even though Katie knew that it was all about Emily and really had nothing to do with her. Neither of them could protect her from seeing Effy though. Neither of them could protect her from her own thoughts. The lingering wonders as to whether anybody really was any happier that she'd been found alive rather than dead. The questions as to what might have happened if they hadn't found her when they did. The chills that ran down her spine whenever she crossed path. Then there was that other emotion, the one that wasn't anger or anxiety, but something else entirely that had suddenly started revolving around her thoughts of Effy, and that was curiosity.

She hadn't been able to shake the image of the split second that Effy had seemed genuinely shocked, genuinely surprised. The one moment that it was like she was human and did have emotions after all. Not that that changed anything. Effy Stonem was still a cold-hearted bitch, even if she had seemingly tried to help her out when those girls had been attacking her. That was the other curiosity. Why had Effy bothered? Clearly Effy didn't have her best interest at heart or she wouldn't have fucking left her for dead in the first place. Katie found herself watching the girl in class from time to time. Most of the time it was just a glare to hide the curiosity that lingered from their encounter. Nobody would question a glare, after all. Sometimes, though, she let herself just study her, looking for the sign of weakness she'd caught a glimpse of, looking for a reason that Effy might have done what she had.

Occasionally, Katie considered that she'd rather deserved the rock to the head given that she'd had her hands at Effy's throat, but she knew she never would have severely injured Effy. She couldn't have. And she wouldn't have left her alone to die.

Alone. That word stuck with Katie a lot these days. Even with Emily and Naomi at her side she mostly felt alone. Emily and Naomi were with each other, she was merely a third wheel that needed to tag along for her safety and for what lingered of her sanity. Thanks to the handy mask that she painted on and hid behind, nobody saw her for her anyway. So there she was, left alone. That was Effy's fault too, Katie thought sometimes. Most of the time, it just hurt though.

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She'd expected it to be gone when she woke up the next morning: the guilt she'd experienced so acutely the day before. She'd expected it to be gone the morning after that as well. Then the next morning. When after a week the guilt hadn't dissipated, she gave up on it doing so. She wondered why she didn't just give up on everything else too. It would be easier. So much easier. The guilt replaced her numbness and became a numbness of itself. Vodka and pills took the edge off of the guilt the same way that it had made her feel briefly alive and let her temporarily escape the numbness.

She saw Katie every day. She never talked to her though. There was nothing that she could say. She'd fucked up. It was what she was best at after all. The nicest thing she could do for the girl now was leave her alone, so Effy was determined to do just that. She would watch her from afar sometimes, the guilt settling into her gut even more acutely, but that was good. It reminded her that she was alive, and that she'd almost made it so that somebody else wasn't. It reminded her that she needed to feel the guilt. She deserved it.

Classes with Katie were the worst. The guilt sitting heavily on her shoulders almost suffocating her as it accumulated throughout whatever lesson the professor was trying to teach. Guilt mixed with anger all too often when one of the stupid, prissy girls, who seemed to have overrun the school, would make a comment aimed at Katie, making her flinch.

Effy would occasionally catch accusing brown eyes staring back at her, either from Katie or from Emily. Naomi simply wouldn't meet her gaze anymore, which might have stung if she'd been able to feel it. The guilt and the anger were too overwhelming, however. From the occasional glance she did shoot the brunette's way, she noticed that Katie still seemed pale, withdrawn, and completely not her old self, except every once and a while there would be a flash across her face that would send a chill down Effy's spine, but at the same time made Effy feel almost better. Not that she deserved to feel better.

Another two weeks passed before Effy met Katie's brown eyes with hers. It was accidental of course. A glance at the brunette had revealed brown eyes staring back at hers, and for the first time neither of them flinched away from the look. Effy was surprised to find that there was no malice in the gaze. It shook her, though, staring into those chocolate orbs. She found her mask once again penetrated as she squirmed uncomfortably in her seat. Effy found herself unable to look away, however. It was almost like she felt she owed it to Katie to look her straight in the eyes, to let the brunette see her without her mask on. Katie held her gaze for a minute, which seemed to pass in an eternity. Then the brunette looked away with something that Effy almost thought might be sadness. For once Effy was confused. She wasn't sure what had caused the change in expression. She wasn't sure when Katie had stopped staring at her with eyes full of hatred. Maybe they hadn't. Maybe it was a one off. She glanced down at her notebook then back up at Katie. The girl's eyes seemed fixed on her desk. Effy closed her eyes, trying to calm herself, trying to fix her mask back in place. The mask that told the world that she was calm and collected and didn't give a shit. The mask that was a lie, and had always been a lie.

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"Katiekins!" Cook beamed at her, clearly already drunk.

She rolled her eyes. "What do you want Cook?" Just her luck that she'd actually run into someone from college when she'd gone out to try to escape all thoughts of that place. And before she'd even managed to get a shot in her as well! It had been a shit day. Well, it had been going halfway decent until she'd found herself staring Effy Stonem in the eye. Effy had stared back at her, and there was a moment when it seemed like the normal expression, the almost smug sneer with which she so clearly regarded the world, when it faded as if it were nothing more than a flimsy facade. It was the same as it had been the day that Effy had threatened those bitchy girls. As soon as Katie had seen her expression start to revert to normal, she'd had to look away. It was too painful, and she'd had to focus to keep the chill from running down her spine. She hadn't looked up for the rest of class, but the damage to her psyche had been done.

Cook seemed to sober slightly at Katie's words and he frowned down at her. "Just wanted to say hi, Katie. I haven't seen you in ages, yeah? Well I've seen you, but not like we've talked, have we?"

Katie sighed. "I'm not really a talker these days, Cook."

Cook pursed his lips together. "Yeah. I can understand that." Cook turned to the bar and got the bartender's attention. "Two shots of good Irish whiskey! No cheap shit!"

The bartender nodded and filled the two shot glasses as requested. Cook handed over some money and turned back to Katie, holding one shot out to her.

She hesitated. Whiskey wasn't really her drink. Still, alcohol was alcohol, and any alcohol would have the desired effect, wouldn't it? "Thanks," she murmured as she took the shot glass from him.

"Cheers, Katie," Cook nodded to her and held his own shot out. She followed suit and then they downed their shots.

Katie felt the warm liquid burn down her throat, and she found that she quite liked the distinct taste of the whiskey on her tongue. She looked up to find Cook watching her, as if waiting for her reaction. "Thanks, Cook. That was quite good."

Cook grinned at her. "Nothing but the best for you, my dear." He did a mock bow that made Katie laugh ever so slightly.

She stopped almost instantly. It felt ridiculously foreign to her to laugh, and she found herself wracking her brain for the last time it had happened. She couldn't remember. It had been weeks if not months.

"You alright, Katie?" Cook inquired, voice laced with concern.

"Another shot, please," she said by way of reply.

He nodded and didn't ask anything further.

Katie was surprised to find, as they downed their second and then third shots, that she didn't mind Cook's company. Not when he was alone like this. He didn't pry and he didn't look at her pityingly. He just bought her drinks, smiled at her from time to time, and let her be. They didn't talk, but there was no awkwardness in their silence. Then again the bass was pounding and all around them people were shouting over the music, so it wasn't like there were any moments of actual silence.

As the fourth shot slid between her lips and down her throat, she found Cook's greyish eyes trained on her face.

"What?" Katie inquired, cocking her eyebrow.

Cook shook his head with a smile. "Freddie's an idiot!"

Katie rolled her eyes and tried to ignore the anxiety that had suddenly claimed her mind.

"I mean it!" Cook leaned in closer so that he didn't have to yell as much and Katie could smell the alcohol on his warm breath. "You're gorgeous, Katie Fitch!"

Katie found her heart rate picking up and for once it had nothing to do with anxiety or panic or dread. She caught herself looking Cook over. He really was well fit. If he hadn't always come across as such a wanker, she might have considered having a go with him the year before. She shot him a small smile.

"Come on, Katie. Let's dance you and me," Cook suggested.

Katie started to shake her head. She was nowhere near drunk enough to fuck Cook yet, even if he was being oddly good company.

Cook laughed. "Not like that, Katiekins. Not unless you're interested that is," he winked at her. "I meant on the dance floor," Cook nodded towards the mass of gyrating bodies.

"Alright, Cook," she consented, surprising herself a bit. She let Cook take her hand and lead her through the swaying crowd until they found a small whole that they could fill. Cook pulled her to him and wrapped his strong arms around her small body. She had to admit that it felt good. Dancing with him turned to grinding a bit, and that felt good too. Cook's fit body pressed up against hers as their bodies moved in time with the music.

_What the fuck are you doing?_ Katie scolded herself. It was Cook. First class arsehole. The wanker who'd thought it'd be good fun to scare them half to death at Gobbler's End and then spill everybody's secrets, in part leading up to Katie getting hit in the head with a fucking rock. Or at least leading in part to Effy and Freddie fucking while she lay there bleeding. The tosser who'd fuck anything that walked. The guy who had fucked Effy fucking Stonem for months last year until she'd rejected him for Freddie. Cook had been in love with Effy hadn't he? Probably still was. She wasn't going to be the person that someone settled for when they couldn't get Effy Stonem. Not again. Not even for a night. She pushed away from him and instantly felt more alone even as other body's slammed into hers and rubbed up against her.

He looked at her in confusion, but she couldn't explain. She didn't owe him an explanation. Well, maybe she did because he'd been being rather nice, but... "Fuck!" she winced as somebody stepped on her foot. She felt her chest constricting in a now familiar way. She needed to get out of there. She felt like she was having a hard time breathing.

In an instant somebody had grabbed her by the arm and was leading her through the throng of people towards the exit. Outside Katie felt instantly better as she gulped in the fresh night air. "Thanks," she murmured, looking up to see who her rescuer was.

"Don't thank me, Katie," Effy replied, standing a few feet away and eyeing her cautiously, no sign of the smug expression she normally wore.

"You-" Katie started to stammer. "You...What are..." Katie felt her mouth go dry. What did Effy want from her? Was she trying to ruin her life even more than she'd already succeeded at it? Katie felt anger rising in her, battling with the panic she felt sinking in. She stared in what she hoped was a defiant manner back at Effy, and that was when she realised that the girl wasn't meeting her gaze.

"Get the fuck away from her!" Cook bellowed as he exited the club. He moved swiftly and in an instant was standing defensively in front of Katie, blocking off her view from Effy. Katie peered around him curiously and saw Effy almost recoil for a second before a sneer spread across her face.

"You fucking her now, Cook? Just because you can't have me anymore? What if I offered you a quick shag round back. You know, for old time's sake?" Effy winked coyly and Katie felt her stomach churn. This was the Effy that had hit her in the woods. This was the Effy that had left her for dead. This was the cold, unfeeling bitch that Katie was used to and it made her blood run cold.

"Fuck off! It may have taken me a while, but I've come to my fucking senses, yeah? I don't want you. Not anymore," Cook snarled. "And I'm not shagging her, because I think more of her than to just fuck her quick somewhere while she's drunk."

Katie's eyes widened and she saw Effy's expression falter just for another split second before the sneer was back in place.

"Suit yourself, Cookie," Effy shot back. Effy's eyes darted to Katie and Katie shivered involuntarily. Effy pursed her lips, and for a second, Katie got the impression that she was seeing through some sort of facade that Effy had put in place, but then Effy turned her back and walked off into the night.

"Fucking bitch," Cook spat on the ground after her before turning back to Katie. "Are you ok?" he asked, concern evident in his eyes.

Katie nodded, though she knew it was a lie. She was never really ok these days. Still, that wasn't something to burden Cook with.

"She didn't like hurt you or anything, yeah? I make it a general policy not to hit girls, like...But in her case..." Cook faded out and scowled off in the direction that Effy had gone.

"No, Cook. It's fine. She was...Fuck. I dunno. But I needed to get out of there, so I don't think she meant to...I really don't know what she wanted," Katie finished lamely as her brain struggled to process the events of the last few minutes.

Cook lit up a fag, took a deep drag, and offered it to Katie who took it gladly. They smoked it in silence, leaning up against the wall outside the club.

"Did you mean it, Cook?" Katie asked once Cook had dropped the fag on the ground and rubbed it out with his heel.

"What?" Cook pulled another fag out of his pack and lit it.

"That you don't want her anymore," Katie elaborated.

Cook hesitated. "Most of the time I mean it, yeah?" Cook replied and Katie had to appreciate his honesty. "Sometimes I hate her. Sometimes I still can't get her out of my head. She probably fucking knows that and enjoys knowing that. It's all head games with that bitch! I'm through! I'm done with her! That's the fucking truth!"

Katie nodded. She knew exactly what he meant about the head games that Effy seemed to love to play. Looking Cook over Katie noted that his face looked strained and there were obvious dark bags under his eyes that she hadn't noticed before. "She did a real number on you, huh?"

Cook glanced down at Katie and looked pointedly at her temple where the scar was visible. "I think she did a real number on everyone."

Katie snatched the fag out of Cook's hand and took a long drag. He grinned at her, clearly amused by her actions. Maybe she'd underestimated Cook all this time. He wasn't as vapid and oblivious as he appeared to be. And his grin had a certain charm to it. Besides, he'd told her she was gorgeous, he'd come after her to protect her, he'd stood up for her. Even if he was partially trying to get over Effy, maybe for one night it wouldn't be that bad to be with him. She'd slept with uglier certainly over the summer. Anyone who gave her the type of attention she was looking for, that made her feel even a little like her old self. Here Cook was making her feel like a new self instead. It was different, but not in a bad way per se. So maybe for one night, she could go with it. "What about the other thing? Did you mean that?"

"What was that?" Cook asked as Katie inched closer to him, shooting him a seductive smile.

"That you're not going to shag me."

Cook grinned down at her. "I'm up for negotiations on that one," he informed her, before snagging his cigarette back.


	4. Chapter 4

She watched them from across the club, making them out through churning bodies. She almost left as soon as she'd seen Katie there. She didn't want to run the risk of Katie seeing her and thereby ruining the girl's night. She'd grown curious, though, when Cook had approached her. Effy'd watched as the two of them downed drink after drink, then watched as Cook lead Katie out onto the dance floor. She watched them moving together and was struck momentarily by the thought that they seemed to fit together despite the height difference. Effy wondered briefly if she'd ever fit well with Cook before she remembered that it was stupid to care. Katie though...If Cook was working his way up to getting in her pants...That wasn't right. Freddie had already fucked Katie, taken advantage of her, used her, when he'd really wanted Effy. Cook had no right to do that to her as well. On the other hand, Effy knew it sure as hell wasn't her place to intervene. Katie had made that completely clear during their last encounter, and even if she'd looked at her with something besides pure hatred earlier, it still didn't give Effy an invitation to interfere in the girl's life anymore than she already had. So instead she watched, mask securely in place. When a guy began to grind against her from behind, she went with it, because she didn't care. She didn't even bother to turn around to see what the guy looked like, even when she felt a bulge in his pants rubbing against her ass. She didn't give a fuck. Not about herself at least. She was disposable, and whoever was behind her thought she was beautiful, so she'd probably just let him use her, meanwhile using him to reinforce her facade.

She stopped swaying when she saw Katie take a step back away from Cook. Effy found herself almost relieved, thinking that Katie had realised that Cook was going to be using her the same way that Freddie had. Then she saw it. The expression on Katie's face. It was the same one she'd caught on the brunette's face on the first day of school when she'd ditched her first class. It was panic, Effy recognised this time. Pure panic. Effy knew what that felt like. She saw Katie gasp for breath and before she realised what she was doing, she was striding across the club, dodging dancing wankers as they swayed around her. Katie's arm felt like fire in her hand, and she couldn't wait to not be holding it anymore, so she pushed on towards the exit, knowing that that was where Katie needed to be anyway. For once, Effy didn't care if she was keeping up her facade, she didn't notice that her safe mask had fallen from her face. She just needed to get Katie out of there so that Katie would be ok. Effy owed her after all.

As soon as they were outside, Effy dropped Katie's arm and pulled away. She wanted to run, but she wanted to make sure that Katie was ok as well. She heard the girl's breathing calm, and then Katie murmured "Thanks" and it was just too much. Katie hadn't even realised it was her yet, that much was certain. Katie wouldn't thank her. Katie didn't owe her any thank yous.

"Don't thank me Katie," Effy replied, voice shaky and barely above a whisper. She felt exposed, maskless, vulnerable, and she hated it. What was the point of being exposed like this? What was the point of being so fucking human? But Katie was stammering away in front of her, clearly having trouble forming a coherent thought, and Effy couldn't force her mask back into place. She couldn't even meet Katie's gaze. It was almost painful just standing there. If she could feel pain anymore.

Another second and Cook was there, snarling at her. Effy's mask bounced back into place easily. She knew Cook. She could handle Cook. She didn't have to try to keep her facade up with him. Especially when he was being a wanker. She accused him of fucking Katie, offered to fuck him herself in a cold, uncaring manner. She knew her words were harsh, but she didn't feel bad. She didn't feel anything.

Cook surprised her then. He didn't back down. He didn't even seem hurt. He was fierce, and Effy considered briefly, that he seemed stronger than when she'd been with him. It only startled her for a split second though. Her mask was more firmly in place. It was easy when she didn't focus on Katie. It was easy when she could focus on Cook. She'd fucked with him more because he'd been able to handle it and he'd fucked with her right back. He wasn't playing tonight though. Then Effy made the mistake of glancing back at Katie who was simply staring back at her. No hatred there to make Effy want to run, and yet she did because Katie looking at her without hatred was worse than her looking at her full of malice. Effy deserved the hatred, she knew. In the blink of an eye Effy forced her best imitation of her mask onto her face and walked away. It wasn't until she was a block away that she felt herself able to breathe normally again. She chanced a glance over her shoulder. Neither of them was looking at her anymore. They were looking at each other. Maybe that was fitting then. Cook didn't want Effy anymore. Maybe Katie could make him happy. Maybe they could heal each other from the wounds that Effy knew she'd inflicted on them. Effy wished only for a second that she had somebody to heal the wounds she'd inflicted on herself. She didn't deserve it though. Wishes and hopes weren't for people like her. The only thing she was good at was fucking up. She knew she should give up, but she didn't.

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The first thing that Katie felt was the pain in her head. The second thing was panic as an image of Effy Stonem from the night before flashed across her brain. She opened her eyes and looked at the bed she was lying in. It wasn't her bed. She wasn't in her room. She let her mind replay more of the night. After her encounter with Effy she'd let Cook lead her back into the club. He'd slipped her a pill and she hadn't asked what it was. There was no need to. It would get the job done. He'd bought her a few more shots as well and then they'd danced. They had danced for hours, feeling the music pulsing through their bodies as they rubbed against each other, and Katie actually felt herself relax as Cook had wrapped his strong arms around her waist pulling her close.

Katie looked down at her body and realised she was still fully clothed. They hadn't slept together then, she concluded. Cook's words from the night before popped into her brain. _"I'm not shagging her, because I think more of her than to just fuck her quick somewhere while she's drunk."_ She smiled at that. She looked up and saw Cook with his back turned, standing over the small stove. She sniffed the air and smelled coffee and bacon, and her stomach growled in response. It was strange waking up to this, but it wasn't bad. In fact it was the most pleasant wake up she'd had in ages, despite the pounding in her head.

"Hey," she murmured tentatively.

Cook turned around and beamed at her. "Katiekins! Glad you're awake! Who knew you snored!"

Katie opened her mouth in shock. "I don't!"

Cook laughed then. "Just teasing Katiekins. Hope you're hungry. I made sausage and bacon because I didn't know which you prefer and there's eggs as well. And toast of course."

"Wow, Cookie. Who knew you were so domestic?" she teased, her voice coming out hoarse and she realised that her throat was quite dry.

"Fuck off," he replied, but Katie could tell that his tone was playful and she caught a grin on his face as he turned back to what he was cooking.

Katie smiled, enjoying the feeling of almost comfort that she was experiencing.

"Oh, here, by the way," Cook muttered as he wandered over to Katie and handed her two paracetemol. "Thought you might need these," he explained as he handed over a glass of water as well.

"Thanks, Cook," Katie found herself smiling again. It was strange, smiling this much. Her cheek muscles felt almost sore at being used so much after a long break.

Cook beamed down at her for a second before returning back to the stove. Katie took the pills and laid back and closed her eyes, just listening to Cook work in the kitchen. A few minutes later, Katie opened her eyes as she heard Cook approach. He had two plates full of food in hand and he handed her one of them along with a knife and fork. "Here you go, Katie," he offered her.

She sat up in bed before taking the plate and silverware from him and he took a seat further down the bed. She smiled at him in thanks then tucked in, her mouth watering when she realised that she was rather famished as her eyes raked over the plate. "Wow, Cook. This is pretty good! What's in these eggs?" she inquired mouth partially full, and she realised that she never normally let anyone besides Emily, and more recently Naomi, see her behave anything but polished. For some reason, she was letting Cook see her unmasked and unpolished. It was strange, and she found herself suddenly a bit wary of the situation.

"Just some stuff. Herbs and stuff."

Katie's head shot up and she eyed Cook suspiciously. "Cook, you're not feeding me marijuana eggs, are you?"

Cook burst out laughing. "Babe, I mean I used thyme in it. Thyme, like T-H-Y-M-E like the herb, thyme."

"Fuck you. I know what thyme is," Katie pouted, feeling a bit stupid at her previous assumption.

Cook had another quick fit of manic laughter. "It's just thyme, a bit of cheese, a little milk, and some salt and pepper, mixed all up, and there you are with scrambled eggs."

"I can't believe you keep herbs around here. Like real ones," Katie mumbled.

"Oi! Why not? I've got to eat, don't I? Can't eat out all the time. Got to take care of the Cookie Monster, you know!" Cook replied defensively.

Katie shrugged. "Yeah. I guess so. I never thought about that before."

"Yeah, well don't spread this knowledge around, yeah? I've got a reputation to protect! I don't normally cook for girls. Especially ones I haven't shagged." Cook winked at her.

Katie felt her cheeks flush. More memories from the night before flashed across her brain. She'd kissed him, she remembered that much. She'd kissed him at the club and he'd decided they should leave. She'd kissed him at the door to his flat and then...

"You were pretty far gone last night. You remember that?" Cook inquired, mouth half full of sausage.

Katie nodded. "You meant what you said, didn't you? To Effy, I mean." She suppressed the chill that threatened to run down her spine at the thought of the brunette.

Cook looked at her, puzzlement evident on his face.

"That you think more of me than to fuck me quick while I'm drunk," Katie elaborated.

Cook's expression turned sheepish. "Well, yeah. I mean it's not right to take advantage just because you're drunk, you know? I mean we're friends or something, right?"

Katie nodded. "Right." She hadn't really considered Cook a true friend before that moment, but since he'd said it and he'd been nothing but good to her and since she really wasn't in a position where she could turn down offers of friendship, she decided to go with it. Cook certainly wasn't the worst friend she'd ever had, even when he was being a boisterous arsehole.

"Oh, your purse has been vibrating for a while. Thought you should know," Cook informed her before shovelling a bite full of scrambled eggs into his mouth.

"Shit!" Katie murmured, as she put her plate down and scrambled for her purse. She had eight messages from her sister and ten missed calls. She sighed and pressed call.

"Katie?" Emily's anxious voice inquired at the end of the line.

"Who else would be calling from my phone?" Katie sighed.

"Where the fuck have you been all night? I've been worried sick!" Emily's voice turned hostile.

"I'm fine. Sorry I didn't call," Katie replied, and she was surprised to find that her words were true for the first time in months. She'd claimed she was fine for weeks, when it had been obvious that it was a lie, and after a while most people had gotten the hint and stopped asking. Most people, but not Emily, and she'd kept up the "I'm fine" response with her just so that she wouldn't worry. This time she really was fine though. She was the most fine she'd felt in ages.

"Well where are you?" Emily demanded, though she sounded a bit more relaxed.

"I'm…" Katie hesitated. She knew that her answer probably wouldn't go over well. Still, she did enough lying, it was kind of pointless to lie about this. "I'm at Cook's." Katie glanced up at Cook and saw that her hesitation had not gone unnoticed by the frown on his face.

"You're where?" her sister guffawed.

"I'm at Cook's," Katie repeated, sounding more sure of herself this time.

"Have you really fallen so far that you're fucking that arsehole now, Katie?"

"He's not! And I'm not fucking him! So lay the fuck off!" Katie shouted back.

"Like anyone stays at Cook's and doesn't fuck him," Emily shot back sarcastically.

"Just shut up, Ems! I'll be home soon, ok?" Katie replied, and hung up, not bothering to wait for an answer.

Cook seemed quite willing to let her stew for a bit and they finished eating in silence. Katie liked that he didn't pry. It was a nice change from Emily.

Katie looked around unsurely when she finished her food, not certain if Cook was expecting her to wash her plate, or do the dishes in general as he'd cooked.

Cook just smiled at her and took her plate from her. "You like it then?"

"Yeah, thanks. It was delicious," she replied with a small smile of her own.

"Good. So you heading out now?"

Katie nodded. "I told Emily..."

"Yeah. Sure," Cook stood and placed both plates on the counter. "There's a party tonight. You should come. It'll be fun."

Katie stood as well and gathered her belongings. "Yeah, maybe." One glance at Cook and she knew that he'd taken it as the blow off that it was. She felt bad. Cook didn't deserve that. "What time?" she inquired.

Cook grinned. "I'll text you, babe. Let you know the details. Everyone will be there and it'll be good to see you out and about."

"Everyone?" Katie felt the dread returning.

"Well...I dunno if Effy...Anyway, not to worry. You've got the Cookie Monster to protect you now," Cook reassured her.

Katie smiled despite herself. "Thanks, Cook. See you." She headed for the door, but Cook caught her by the wrist. In a flash she was pressed up against his front door as his tongue danced past her lips. It was pleasant and warm, and Cook certainly knew how to use his tongue. She felt her stomach flutter ever so slightly. It was the first sober kiss she'd had since Freddie. It felt nice.

He pulled away and shot her a sheepish smile. "In case you don't come tonight," he explained. "Bye, Katie."

She knew she was blushing as she waved goodbye and exited the flat. _Get a grip, Katie. It's just Cook for fuck's sake!_ Still, maybe Cook wasn't all that bad. Maybe he was rather nice. Then she remembered the word "everyone." She'd done her best to avoid everyone all summer. Was she really ready to face them again? The thought made her stomach twist in knots. She heard her phone vibrate and pulled it out to see that she had another text from Emily waiting. She sighed. "One problem at a time," she muttered under her breath as she walked away.


	5. Chapter 5

"Seriously what the fuck were you thinking?" Emily exploded as soon as Katie opened the door.

Katie wasn't surprised to find Naomi seated on the floor in the living room, back leaned against the couch. Emily had clearly leapt off of the couch the second she'd heard the door click open.

"Where's Mum?" Katie asked, for lack of anything better to say. She didn't want to argue with Emily over this, even though she knew it was inevitable.

"Out at James's football game with Dad," Emily said before continuing in her rant. Katie had known that she wouldn't be so easily deterred. "I mean really! Cook? Fucking arsehole tried to feel me up when I was high that night, Cook? Fucked Effy Stonem for months on end even though his best mate was supposedly in love with her, Cook? What a fucking winner! You fucking need to get your life back on track already! You got hit in the head, yeah, but it was months ago and you're fine now except you've like stopped putting any effort into it!"

Katie felt anger building inside of her. "I shouldn't have to _try_ so hard to feel fine! Or to pretend to be fine for your fucking benefit, Emily!" Kate shot back.

"What do you mean 'for my benefit'?" Emily's voice raised even higher and a hint of anxiety was evident in it.

Katie saw Naomi squirm uncomfortably out of the corner of her eye and the blonde seemed horribly fascinated by the adverts on the telly. Katie rolled her eyes. "Forget it, ok? Just forget it, Ems. Anyway, Cook's not so bad."

"Cook's not so bad? That good of a shag then? Make up for his lack of a decent personality?" Emily teased nastily and Katie caught Naomi suppressing laughter.

Katie glared at both of them. "If he was such a good shag it'd be wasted on someone like you, so I may as well enjoy it."

"If? He's not even a good shag then?" Naomi interjected and Katie intensified her glare.

"Yeah, you'd have thought with all the hype about the Cookie Monster, he'd be at least semi-decent," Emily added. "Not good at all?"

"I don't fucking know! I told you! I didn't fuck him!" Katie sighed in exasperation. "I'm going to a party with him tonight though, we all are actually, and I wouldn't mind shagging him because really he's a good bloke and he's got quite a bit of restraint when it comes down to it." Katie didn't miss the way that Naomi suddenly sat up a little straighter and the smirk wiped right off her face. "What?" Katie asked her, assuming that Naomi had decided that she disapproved of the whole thing more than she found it amusing.

To Katie's surprise, Naomi simply shook her head. "Nothing," Naomi murmured.

It was clear to Katie that even Emily caught the serious tone in her girlfriend's voice. "What?" Emily echoed her sister, turning to face Naomi.

"No, I mean it's just Katie might be right. Cook's not really that bad," Naomi muttered, and Katie saw her cheeks begin to flush a bit.

"Sorry, what?" Emily asked pointedly, face hard.

"He's kind of nice sometimes," Naomi rephrased and Katie's eyes widened.

"How would you know?" Katie couldn't restrain herself.

"It's nothing," Naomi mumbled.

"Doesn't sound like nothing. I'd quite like to know the answer to Katie's question," Emily informed her girlfriend.

"I just snogged him once and he was pretty considerate when I said I didn't want to shag him after all, that's all," Naomi said in a rush.

"What?" Katie asked in surprise at the same time that her twin demanded, "You what??"

Naomi squirmed uncomfortably in her seat. "It was no big deal. Anyway, Cook can really be quite nice on rare occasions. That's all I'm saying."

Katie was eyeing the blonde sceptically. Naomi didn't seem Cook's type. Then again, Cook's type had generally proven to be anything with legs, so maybe Katie was wrong about that. But then again Cook obviously wasn't Naomi's type, so she had to be lying, right? But Emily had admitted that Naomi was never the gay one all along, she was more resistant and confused about her sexuality. So maybe. It made Katie cringe, the idea of being second choice not only to Effy Stonem, but also to Naomi fucking Campbell. It made her feel a bit ill. She knew somewhere in her logical brain that it was petty to feel that way and that Cook had made her feel like he hadn't really wanted to be spending time with anyone else, but Katie had trouble changing how she felt. Maybe it had all been an act to try to get into her pants. Not that he would've had to try especially hard the night before. Maybe that had simply been Cook's way of saying "no thanks, I don't want to shag you." Maybe she really was that undesirable to everyone. Everyone she knew, at least. Everyone who knew she was fucking damaged goods. She scowled.

"No big deal? You snogged Cook! When exactly did this happen?" Emily demanded.

Naomi shrugged and Katie could tell that the blonde was even more uncomfortable now. "Just after...After he won the student elections."

Emily froze and Katie saw anger flash through her twin's eyes. "You snogged him after our first fucking time? I mean I know you fucking ditched me and everything, but for Cook? What the fuck! Just...Just what the fuck!"

Katie took a step back at the venom in her sister's words. She understood instantly why her sister was so upset. She had every right to be. Katie was somewhat surprised to find that she wasn't nearly as upset with the blonde. Normally a revelation like that would remind Katie just why she hadn't thought that Naomi deserved her sister to begin with. But this time Naomi had spoken up to help Katie out. She hadn't been trying to be a cunt. She probably hadn't told Emily to spare the redhead's feelings, and now on Katie's behalf, to try to smooth things out between the twins, she'd put herself in the line of fire. "Ems, it was just a kiss. She told Cook she didn't want sex. That's important, right?" Katie attempted to help the blonde who gave her a shocked look. Katie rolled her eyes at Naomi before continuing.

"No! What's important is that she felt the need to kiss Cook to begin with! I mean what the hell, Naomi? Was I that bad of a shag that you had to run to Cook? Of all fucking people!" Emily exclaimed.

"Because JJ was such a better second option!" Naomi shot back, narrowing her eyes. Katie knew that Naomi hadn't quite forgiven Emily for that, and if she was honest, Katie didn't blame her.

"Fuck you, Naomi! Just fuck you!" Emily glared before turning and storming out of the room and up the stairs.

Katie listened for the slam that came a few seconds later before she sighed and went to sit on the couch beside Naomi. She marvelled briefly at the fact that that never would've happened a few months ago. Not when she still had a reason to care about her status and shit like that.

Naomi started to stand up but Katie shook her head and held up a hand. "Don't follow her. Just give her a little time. She'll cool off."

Naomi relaxed back into her seat and Katie could feel the blonde's eyes studying her. "Thanks," she finally murmured after a few seconds.

Katie shrugged. She had stopped focusing on her sister's problems and returned to the despair of her own. She wasn't even desirable enough for Cook. So then what the fuck had he kissed her for?

"Did you kiss him or did he kiss you?" Katie asked abruptly.

"You mean with Cook?"

"No, King Tut. Yes, with Cook!" Katie rolled her eyes.

Naomi pressed her lips together and Katie felt sure that a retaliation of some kind for her comment was imminent. It didn't come. "I kissed him," Naomi admitted a few minutes later, voice wary.

"Oh," Katie murmured. So maybe Cook hadn't really wanted Naomi. "And was it just a kiss, right? I mean..."

Naomi's squirming implied that it wasn't.

"Spill," Katie demanded.

"Katie," Naomi sighed as she rolled her eyes. "I'm not going to give you information so that you can use it against me to try to split me and your sister up. I love her."

"I know that you silly cow. It's not about that, ok? Will you just tell me?"

"Do you fancy Cook, Katie?" Naomi got a smug smirk on her face and Katie tried to glare it away. "He propositioned me one day at school and I blew him off. I said he had more chance of winning the election than of sleeping with me which he took as me challenging him that if he became the student president, I would sleep with him. Clearly not what I meant, but he took it as that anyway. He won, I found him in a classroom, he said we should have sex, I'd just slept with Emily and was super confused and scared and figured 'what the hell' so I kissed him. It might've gone a bit farther than that, but no articles of clothing got completely removed and it felt so wrong and all I could think about was your sister so I stopped. And Cook, rather than being the complete cock I expected him to be, zipped up and said that if I wasn't interested it was fine, I must have had a good reason and he could respect that."

Katie listened without interrupting. It wasn't really that bad of a story and if Emily knew the whole thing she'd probably be ok, Katie thought. Then she thought for another second and realised that her twin would probably actually be equally as pissed. So Cook could be a gentleman. What she'd witnessed the night before and that morning weren't just one off events. Maybe he did want her. She considered that possibility. It seemed unlikely. She really was damaged goods and he would know that. Nobody in their right mind would want damaged goods. She sighed. She would see that night. "You should go before my mum gets home. Come by tonight and go with us to whatever party Cook's set up. She'll have calmed down by then and then you can sort things out, ok?"

"Yeah. Ok. Thanks, Katie," Naomi muttered, clearly a bit surprised at Katie helping her and not being upset with her over what she'd just said.

"Yeah. No problem," Katie replied, barely audible as she waved Naomi away. She was going to act the closest to not broken as she could tonight. That would be good. No fucking panic attacks! They were definitely not going to help anything. Tonight she'd prove to Cook and to herself that she could be ok again.

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Katie grinned as Cook crossed to her as soon as she entered the house. She couldn't help noticing that he left behind a rather put out looking blonde with large tits as he beamed down at her and wrapped her in a warm hug.

"Katiekins! You came!" Cook exclaimed happily.

"You're date looks a little upset, Cookie," Katie whispered in his ear.

Cook laughed. "Thought you were my date, love. She was just something to pass the time," Cook informed her and Katie couldn't help but smile at that.

Katie caught sight of her sister storming off towards the kitchen and sighed. Naomi had shown up to walk with them, but Emily had been more stubborn than Katie had anticipated and the two had bickered the entire walk over. Katie glanced over her shoulder and saw Naomi sigh and look helplessly after her girlfriend. Katie shot her a sympathetic smile.

"What's with the lesbians?" Cook asked her.

It was Katie's turn to roll her eyes. "That is actually all your fault!"

Cook laughed. "Oh yeah? What'd I do?"

"Apparently you snogged Naomi!" Katie said, raising an eyebrow.

Cook's grin widened. "Oh yeah! Not bad really."

Katie slapped him playfully on the arm. "Shut up, tosser."

"Not nearly as good as you, Katie," Cook assured her.

Katie tried to repress her pleased smile, but knew that she was failing miserably. Cook grabbed her hand and tugged her in through the throng of people and started to dance with her. He pulled her in close and she could smell the appealing scent of his cologne as his fit form pressed in to hers. The fabric of his green collared shirt rubbed against her and she felt as if her senses were heightened.

As they danced, Katie felt Cook's hands stray down her back until they rested on her ass. Occasionally his hand would stray a little lower still or would squeeze her ass cheek gently as they danced and Katie couldn't help the heat that was spreading through her body. She gazed up at him as the music switched and a slower song sang out over the speakers. His breath was soft and minty against her face as she let her eyes drift to his lips. She remembered the sensation of those same lips pressed against hers earlier that day and an excited shiver ran through her. She glanced back up at his eyes and saw that he was looking back at her. He grinned at her and she found herself biting her lower lip. She wanted to restrain herself though, so she checked herself and looked away.

A drink or two later Katie felt her inhibitions slipping away a little bit, so when Cook smiled down at her in the middle of a dance, she didn't hesitate this time in tugging him down a little further. His grin widened in understanding just before he pressed his lips to hers. In a second his tongue was flicking against her slightly parted lips and his hands that had been resting comfortably at the base of Katie's spine had slid lower and squeezed her ass, pushing their pelvises further together. Katie felt herself growing wet, but she knew that it was still early in the night and she was nowhere near ready to leave the party, so she pulled away and spun around so that her ass was pressing against Cook's crotch as they danced. Cook's hands started to slide simultaneously up and down her stomach until one hand brushed against the bottom of her right breast and the thumb of the other hand was running along the waistline of her skirt. The heat rushing through Katie's veins was intensifying until she met her sister's glaring eyes across the room.

"I'll be back. I need a drink!" Katie yelled to Cook before making her way over to Emily.

"He's practically groping you in front of everybody!" Emily scowled.

"So? Not like I really have a reputation to protect anymore," Katie replied.

Emily's face softened slightly and she opened and closed her mouth and Katie knew that she was trying to come up with something to say.

"You know you could be the one practically getting groped if you'd just forgive Naomi for something that happened ages ago that isn't even important because she loves you and that's what matters. She's been sulking in the corner sending you puppy dog looks all night, Ems! Just go talk to her," Katie encouraged.

Emily's jaw set firmer again and for a second Katie thought that her sister was going to be stubborn and protest, but instead she sighed. "Yeah, ok," she murmured before heading off to find her girlfriend.

Katie watched her go and smiled to herself. One of them at least deserved to be happy. Even if it was with a girl.


	6. Chapter 6

She shouldn't care. She knew she shouldn't. Nonetheless she couldn't stop herself from being surprised when she saw Katie arrive at the party. She couldn't stop herself from frowning when Cook greeted Katie with a warm hug and a smile. She saw the girl whisper in his ear and heard him laugh, and she felt a knot in her stomach. Katie was better than Cook. Cook was like Effy. He was about sex and drugs and fun and not caring. Katie wasn't like that. Katie didn't deserve that. Still, how could Effy pry? The last time she'd interfered Katie had almost attacked her, and she'd had every right to. Effy didn't have the right to intervene. She knew it, so she wouldn't.

She couldn't stop herself from moving closer though. She was so focused on Katie and Cook that she almost missed Emily and Naomi entering behind Katie and Emily storming off towards the kitchen of the house they were in while Naomi stood behind Katie and rolled her eyes.

She wondered briefly what was going on between them, but realised that she didn't care overly much. They would be happy. She'd known that all along. They'd have their happily-fucking-ever-after. Or something like it anyway. As close to it as one could get in this fucked up world.

Katie and Cook...That was wrong. He was using her. That was wrong. Still, she couldn't intervene. She stopped her forward progress and remembered to keep her mask in place and disappear in the crowd.

They started dancing, and Effy's frown deepened. She didn't understand why she couldn't stop watching them. She didn't understand how she couldn't just not give a shit. It was who she was. She was the girl who didn't give a shit. But it was Katie. Katie Fitch. Katie Fitch who she'd left for dead in the woods. Katie Fitch who had managed to get under her skin in a completely unexpected and unwelcome way. It was wrong. All of it was wrong.

She watched as Cook led Katie away and handed her one drink and then another. She felt some guy press up against her back, already half hard, most likely on some drug, and she wondered why she wasn't on anything yet. She needed a drink too, but she had to wait. She couldn't go into the kitchen when Katie was there. It wasn't right. She owed Katie that much. She owed her a few drinks in peace. Effy swayed with the guy behind her for lack of something better to do to pass the time. He didn't matter. His hands slid around her stomach and she let him. She didn't matter either, after all.

When Cook led Katie out for another dance, Effy slipped into the kitchen, much to the chagrin of the boy she'd been dancing with. She didn't care. She needed a drink. She glanced around and saw a bottle of tequila lying on the counter. It wasn't her drink of choice, but it'd do. She took a swig, not bothering to look for a glass. She felt it burn down her throat. It felt good. A second swig and she felt the burn extending through her body. That was better. That was more like it. She kept the bottle in hand as she returned her attention to Cook and Katie. She felt bile rise in the back of her throat when she saw them kiss. She'd kissed enough people to know that it was a kiss that was leading somewhere. The thought sickened her. What gave Cook the right to use Katie like that? Cook was still pining over Effy. Effy wasn't stupid enough to not know it. His words the night before had been bold, but they'd been a lie. Not at that second, because she'd seen the truth in his eyes, but overall she knew they were a lie.

Effy couldn't tear her eyes away as Katie turned around and Cook's hands began to freely roam her body. Effy knew what those hands felt like, she could imagine the effect they were having on Katie. What Effy didn't know is why she cared. She didn't want Cook. She knew that. She just knew that Katie deserved more. Katie had been through enough shit, mostly at Effy's hands, and Effy couldn't let her go through more.

Effy felt immediate relief as Katie pulled away from Cook. Maybe the girl knew better after all. Effy's relief was short lived when she saw Katie go talk to her sister. She was just trying to help Emily. She wasn't going away from Cook. Effy was torn. She shouldn't intervene. She knew that. But she couldn't stand by and watch Katie potentially get hurt again. Get hurt partially because of her. It wasn't right. When Emily left her twin's side, Effy took the opportunity. She knew she'd regret it, but she took it anyway. She put the bottle of tequila down and moved swiftly towards Katie. She grabbed her wrist and dragged her towards the stairs. Upstairs she opened the first door she found and pulled Katie inside. She turned to face her then.

"What the fuck!" Katie demanded.

Effy saw anger in the other girl's eyes, and she felt the guilt she was now familiar with wash over her. "What are you doing, Katie?"

"What the...You fucking kidnap me or some shit and you have the gall to ask me what I'm doing? What the fuck is wrong with you, Effy?" Katie shot back, her expression changing to one of almost pity and Effy knew that she was thinking that Effy'd completely lost it. Effy didn't doubt that she had.

"You're making a mistake, Katie! He's using you!" Effy argued.

"So this is about Cook. You know you have no right to be jealous. You didn't want him, and now he wants me," Katie looked smug.

"He may want you right now, tonight, but he still wants me. I don't want you to get hurt again, Katie," Effy admitted and realised that she'd let her mask down again. Why did she keep doing that around Katie? It was stupid and reckless.

Katie laughed bitterly. "That's rich, coming from the girl who hit me over the head with a rock, left me for dead, and fucked my boyfriend!"

Effy flinched and she knew it was visible. Katie shook her head and turned to leave, but Effy grabbed her by the wrist again. "You're better than that, Katie. You're better than him."

Effy watched as Katie's face went blank, then hardened. "No. I'm not," Katie replied, and Effy could tell that the girl meant what she said. That made her feel more than anything. Guilt, pain...She knew now where Katie's mind was. Or at least had a better idea.

"Katie, you're wrong!" Effy had no idea how to convey that to her so that she'd believe it. Effy was starting to regret her swigs of tequila. She should be thinking clearly now, but she wasn't.

"Guess we'll just have to agree to disagree," Katie said, staring Effy straight in the eyes.

Effy caught a flicker of the despair, of the pain that lay just beneath the surface and suddenly it was too much. She didn't think, she just acted. It was wrong and she knew it. She was doing exactly what she'd set out trying to avoid. She was causing Katie more pain. But she didn't know what else to do. She pressed her lips against Katie's fiercely. She felt a rush. This was new. This was different. She felt Katie's body go rigid, then her fists coming up to push her away. Effy stepped back, panting slightly. Her lips were tingling.

Katie slapped her and Effy didn't try to stop her. Effy knew she deserved it. The tingling in her lips overwhelmed the sting of the slap anyway.

"If I'm too good for Cook, I'm sure as hell too good for you!" Katie assured her before storming out of the room.

Effy didn't try to stop her that time. "Of course you are," Effy murmured sincerely several minutes after Katie had left as her fingers ran over her lips trying to process the feelings that were flooding her senses. This was new. This was dangerous.

She snapped out of it and stood and headed down the stairs quickly, but not quickly enough. She'd driven Katie right into Cook's arms, she realised as she saw them leaving hand in hand. She'd done exactly what she'd set out not to do. She'd done the only thing she was good at. She'd fucked everything up again.

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"Are you ok?" Cook asked once they were several blocks from the party.

"I'm fine," Katie lied. She didn't want to think about whatever sick and twisted game Effy had decided to play with her now. Whatever sick amusement the brunette had gotten out of kissing her. Katie shivered in disgust at the memory.

"Liar," Cook called her on it.

Katie shook her head and stopped walking. She grabbed Cook's wrist and spun him to her. "I don't want to talk about it."

"So it has to do with Effy then?" Cook assumed.

Katie shivered again at the flash of memory of Effy's lips touching hers, pressed firmly against hers, soft and unexpectedly... "I don't want to talk about it, Cook."

"Ok. So what do you want?" Cook asked and he had a cocky look on his face that Katie knew that she shouldn't give in to, that she wouldn't have given in to a year ago.

She gave in, pulled him down for a kiss. It was deep and rushed, and she needed it. Needed it to wipe away the memory of the last pair of lips on hers.

But it didn't. Instead she was comparing them. Cook's lips were more rough, more determined. Still, they wanted her. She needed to feel wanted by him, so she went with it. Her tongue was the first to swipe against his lips. Her teeth bit down on his lower lip, pulling him closer towards her. Then it was out of her hands. He flipped them around and pinned Katie against the wall. Katie felt the rough brick digging into the bare skin of her shoulders. It hurt a little but it didn't matter. It wasn't her focus. Instead, she focused on the urgent way that Cook's hand was cupping her breast, kneading it.

Cook pulled away after a minute and stared breathlessly down at her. "You deserve better than this," he said.

"What?" Katie furrowed her brows as she remembered Effy's words from the bedroom and she tensed.

"Let's get you home, yeah? Well, home to my place," Cook winked at her.

Katie relaxed a little and caught her breath. "I'd like that," she admitted, and Cook took her hand and led her off down the street.

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Effy climbed out of the window and onto the roof and sat back. She listened to the sound of the party pulsing inside and closed her eyes, replaying her conversation with Katie in her head. She'd gone about it all wrong, she knew. She always did. She brought the bottle of tequila that she'd reclaimed from the kitchen up to her lips. She shivered as the alcohol burned down her insides while the cool night air raised goosebumps on her arms.

Why had she kissed Katie? She didn't know. She'd wanted to, but she didn't know why she'd wanted to. Except that Katie was the only person who'd made her feel anything real in a long time. Even if that was guilt. Even if it was painful. Katie Fitch had gotten under her skin in a way that nobody else had. She felt like this fact should bother her. It didn't. Not the way it should.

She'd stumbled across something that night. Katie Fitch meant something to her. Now she just had to figure out what. And while she was doing that, she'd driven the girl straight into Cook's arms. They were probably fucking right then.

"You hiding?" Naomi's voice behind her startled her.

"Not really," Effy replied nonchalantly, making sure her mask was in place, making sure she wouldn't give anything away. "Won't your girlfriend be mad at you for talking to me?" she inquired as Naomi climbed out of the window and took a seat next to Effy.

Naomi wrinkled her nose at Effy and studied her for a second. "Possibly," she admitted after a second.

"So why would you talk to me?"

Naomi shrugged. "You stole the tequila."

Effy handed the bottle in question over and Naomi took a swig.

"You two were fighting earlier," Effy commented.

"That's a brilliant observation," Naomi said sarcastically.

"What were you fighting about?" Effy asked.

"You mean you don't know? You must be losing your touch," Naomi commented wryly.

That comment cut through the fog that Effy had created with the alcohol. Naomi was right. Normally she'd have figured it out by now. Maybe she was losing her touch. She was too focused on Katie. Effy lit a cigarette to calm her nerves.

"What do you care anyway?" Naomi sighed after a minute.

Effy didn't reply to that either. She didn't care. Not really. Except that Katie had gotten involved somehow and that had made her curious. She had seen Katie talk to Emily, heard her encourage her sister to find Naomi. Katie had changed. She'd grown as a person perhaps. At least in that way.

"Right, well since you're being oh so talkative, I think I'll head back inside now that I've got the tequila. It's chilly out here anyway," Naomi glared at Effy and made her way back through the window.

It was cold, Effy realised. Without the burn of the alcohol she was shivering. She didn't care though. Not about that. Her thoughts were occupied elsewhere. She finished her fag and lit another, ignoring the way her fingers shook from the cold. What did it matter really if she got a bit cold? It didn't. She'd fucked everything up again, after all. She deserved to be cold.


	7. Chapter 7

Cook didn't waste any time. Within seconds of getting Katie back to his flat he had her pinned up against the wall, lips pressed against hers and her skirt hiked up.

Katie didn't hesitate as her hands ran down Cook's stomach and skilfully unbuttoned his pants. She could feel that he was already hard and she knew she was soaked through as Cook's fingers dipped under her thong.

"Fuck!" she moaned as Cook's fingers slid inside of her.

Cook grinned. "You're fucking wet for the Cookie Monster, aren't you Katiekins?"

Katie moaned in response.

Cook lifted her up and carried her to the bed, kissing her the whole time. His pants dropped as he put her down on the bed. Katie had his boxers down around his ankles in a matter of seconds. He grinned down at her and trapped her lips in a passionate kiss as his fingers tugged her shirt up. They broke apart so that Cook could lift Katie's shirt over her head. He discarded it carelessly on the floor. He unfastened her bra with the skill brought on by lots of practise but Katie chose not to focus on that fact because she lay back on the bed and Cook's fingers were deftly sliding her knickers down her legs along with her skirt.

Cook kicked his shoes then his pants off and climbed eagerly on top of her. Katie let her head tilt back and she closed her eyes as Cook's fingers ran up her thighs, then up her stomach until they covered her tits. Cook massages them more gently than she'd anticipated he would and when she glances down she can't help the widening of her eyes as she takes him in. He really is impressive. More so now, standing at full attention, than he'd been that first day at assembly. She doesn't even find his tattoo repulsive anymore. Not at the moment at least.

Cook saw her reaction and grinned down at her. He left her tits and put all of his weight on his left hand while reaching down between them and guiding his cock so that he was rubbing it ever so slightly against her cunt. His grin widened. She knew he was feeling exactly how wet she was for him. She was getting wetter by the second at the contact as well.

She closed her eyes and tilted her head back again, but the sudden cessation of movement caused her to look back up at him. The grin had faded from his face and he was examining her seriously.

"You deserve better than me, Katie."

The comment had caught her off-guard, and she was immediately taken back to her conversation with Effy in the bedroom, which was the last thing she wanted to think about. She tried to force the image of piercingly blue eyes from her brain and completely ignored the slight tingle in her lips. She needed to fuck Cook, and he was wrong about her deserving better. Effy fucking was too. She didn't. And Cook was turning out to be a rather good guy really. Probably better than her. She wished that people would stop fucking trying to convince her that she deserved better when she so blatantly didn't. She rolled her eyes in response and pulled him down into a kiss while simultaneously arching up. His cock was positioned just at her opening so that the head slid in as she did so. She let out a small moan at the contact and when she broke the kiss and opened her eyes again, Cook was grinning back at her. "Shut up and fuck me, Cook," Katie requested.

Cook didn't need any more encouragement. He thrust into her, slowly at first, which Katie was appreciative of given his size. She couldn't help think that he was the most filling of anyone she'd ever been with. As she adjusted, his thrusts increased their pace and he and Katie found a rhythm that Katie found really working for her in no time. When his fingers found her clit she bucked into him and he chuckled in a rather self-satisfied manner.

She found herself nearing orgasm in no time and she couldn't help reflecting that it was no wonder Cook was rarely lacking in a girl to fuck. The intense physical feelings were working wonders as far as blanking her mind of unwanted thoughts. Katie wrapped her legs tightly around Cook's back, pulling him even deeper inside of her with her leg muscles and remembering that she had some skills of her own.

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Two hours later Katie was completely spent and curled comfortably into Cook's side. She tried to refrain from thinking that it was the first time she'd bothered to try to sleep next to somebody she'd fucked in months. Since Freddie, actually. Funny that she was now laying next to his ex-best friend. Life had a way of reminding you that it really was fucked up, Katie thought. She heard Cook start to snore next to her and she rolled away onto her back and stares up at the ceiling. She couldn't help thinking that sleep should be coming to her because her body was satisfied, but for some reason her brain wouldn't shut off. Now that Cook wasn't distracting her from her thoughts, her mind had drifted back to Effy fucking Stonem.

She didn't understand why the girl seemed to want to permeate her thoughts these days. She just couldn't figure Effy out. None of it. Why did she bother trying to rescue her at the club? Why had she told her she was better than Cook? Above all, why the fuck had Effy kissed her? It didn't make sense. She brought her hand up unconsciously to graze her lips. It was wrong. Plain and simple. Effy was just trying to get under her skin, to fuck with her or something. Effy enjoyed doing things that were wrong, clearly, so that had to be it.

Except when Effy had looked at her, it hadn't seemed mischievous or fucked up or smug or any of the expressions that she generally associated with Effy Stonem. Instead, if Katie didn't know better, she'd have thought Effy had been regarding her with concern. The thought blew her mind. It just didn't fit with anything that she knew to be true. Then again, what in life did she really know these days?

_Well whatever,_ Katie thought,_ even if she does fucking care now, it's a little fucking late. She can't suddenly decide to care _after_ she's left me for dead and ruined my life. She just doesn't get to do that,_ Katie decided firmly and pulled the sheet up around her and tucked it under her chin, gripping it tightly as she rolled onto her side facing away from Cook. She closed her eyes determinedly. She tried to shut her racing thoughts out of her head, and eventually her physical exhaustion overtook her, sending her into an uneasy sleep filled with dreams where she felt torn between acutely blue eyes that peered into her very soul and then tamer, greyish-green ones that smiled at her constantly.

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Effy survived the rest of the weekend by drinking herself into oblivion. She didn't leave her house again. There wasn't a point. She just needed to be numb, like she was used to, and to not have to put the effort into maintaining her mask. She stayed sprawled on her bed, staring at the blank ceiling and trying not to think about upset brown eyes staring accusingly back at her.

Effy couldn't bring herself to stay away, no matter how much the brown eyes haunted her. She had to know for certain, even though deep down in her gut she did. She had to have it confirmed somehow by Katie. She studied her at school on Monday carefully. She didn't look visibly different, but then again why would she.

She hoped that she would see them together, catch them somehow so that she could just verify it that way without having to insert herself into a situation with one of them. And Cook wouldn't answer her. Probably wouldn't even give her a tell. Katie though...She knew she still rattled Katie and it just intensified her guilt, but she needed to know, and by the end of the day she still hadn't seen them interact. She caught Emily and Naomi snogging heavily by a locker and knew that that meant that there was a possibility Katie was alone somewhere. Effy wasn't sure when she'd have another opportunity, so she kept her eyes open as she left the building. She was rewarded by catching Katie out by a tree having a smoke.

Effy was struck by an unfamiliar twist in her stomach that she could only assume was nervousness. It was an odd sensation and she took a second to feel it, because feeling things these days, especially new things, still threw her off.

Katie was looking away from her and Effy knew that she wouldn't have any trouble approaching her without being noticed. She leaned up against the tree heavily and lit up a fag of her own and Katie jumped at the sudden intrusion. She looked bewildered for a second before her jaw set hard as she took in just who exactly had intruded on her thoughts. Effy nodded towards her.

"Have fun this weekend?" Effy asked, keeping her voice ridiculously monotone and uninterested. She searched for any sign to confirm her suspicions that Katie had indeed fucked Cook, but Katie didn't seem to be rising to the bait.

"Some parts were better than others," Katie shot back, and Effy couldn't help notice that Katie had taken a step away from her and was eyeing her warily. Effy wondered briefly if Katie was more worried about being hit with another rock or being kissed again.

"You know they say that when you have sex with someone, you're having sex with everyone they've ever slept with," Effy commented.

Katie grunted noncommittally, but her eyes flicked away across the campus and lingered just for a second on where Cook was laughing like an idiot and slapping a rather surprised looking JJ on the back. It was all the confirmation Effy needed and she couldn't help feeling slightly ill. She wondered then, what exactly about the situation was prompting her to feel that way.

"So in a way, you've fucked me," Effy continued after a second, and she doesn't even know why she said it because she knows without needing to wait for the reaction that those words have the potential to hurt Katie, which is really the last possible thing on her agenda. Sometimes, she thought, she was just a real fucking idiot. This just proved that.

Katie slammed Effy hard against the tree trunk in a second, pinning her there, with her hand wrapped firmly around Effy's shoulder and Katie's thumb digging in just below her collarbone. Effy was momentarily startled at the contact and she knew her mask dropped away as she looked up into angry brown eyes.

"Get this through your fucked up little brain, yeah? I have never, nor am I ever going to fuck you in any sense! Got it?" Katie growled.

Effy looked down at the hand pinning her to the tree, nails pressing in painfully, but the slight physical pain was nothing compared to the way it felt like Katie's hand was burning her skin. She knew logically that it wasn't but she could still vividly remember the last time that Katie's hands were at her throat and she couldn't repress the shudder that went through her. As if thinking the same thing, Katie looked down at her hand like it had betrayed her and she pulled it away quickly.

_That's the difference,_ Effy thought. _She doesn't really want to hurt me, even though she hates me, and I can't stop myself from hurting her when I don't hate her at all._

Effy opened her mouth to say something, to apologise or just something, but before she could get anything out, Katie, eyes looking almost scared, turned and virtually ran away.

Effy let her body collapse as she slid down the tree, ignoring the pain as the bark scraped up her back. _Why do I keep doing this?_ she asked herself, before pulling her ever-present bottle of vodka from her bag and taking a long, deep swig. _Just leave her alone!_ she warned herself as she downed another gulp and let the only form of warmth she ever felt these days wash through her.

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"You were friends with her, right?" Katie couldn't stop herself from asking when Emily left the room to go prepare a snack leaving her and Naomi seated on the couch watching telly the next afternoon.

To her credit, Naomi didn't ask who Katie meant.

"Kind of," Naomi admitted.

"What's wrong with her?" Katie inquired.

Naomi turned to face her, and Katie suddenly wished fervently that she hadn't asked because Naomi was looking at her so curiously that it was making her skin crawl.

Naomi shrugged after a minute. "Probably a lot of things."

"But I mean, like...Why does she feel the need to fucking interfere in my life? I mean hasn't she fucking ruined it enough?" Katie asked because she'd been going insane since her brief encounter with Effy the day before and she hadn't really had a chance to find Cook and have him take her mind off it for a while. Besides, he was actually nice enough to her that she didn't want to just use him for that. Not after he'd cooked her breakfast again on Sunday morning and had kissed her gently before she left, thanking her for one of the best rides of his life. It had felt good to know that she hadn't completely lost her touch.

"Why? What has she done?" Naomi inquired, sitting up a little more and leaning forward interestedly.

"Fuck, just...Nevermind, ok? Forget I asked," Katie replied, because there was just no way that she could explain everything that was driving her insane.

"Katie..." Naomi hesitated. "Look, I know you and I don't exactly...I mean we're hardly what you'd call good friends or anything, but..." Naomi sighed deeply, clearly struggling with her words. "I know you helped me the other day with Emily and if I can...Not everything you tell me goes straight into your sister's ear."

Katie was about to comment on how inarticulate Naomi was when she wasn't spouting shit about politics, but then what Naomi was trying to say hit her and she closed her mouth again. "Yeah," she murmured instead a second later.

"I saw her. The other night I mean. At the house party," Naomi informed her after another minute where they'd both turned back to the TV and pretended to watch.

"Oh?" Katie swallowed hard as the memory of what else had happened at the party with Effy flashed through her brain.

"She seemed...off," Naomi finished.

Katie's brows furrowed as she considered that. "Off how?" she inquired before mentally berating herself for sounding interested at all, because really she just shouldn't give a fuck. She knew she should just shut Effy out of her life completely. The bitch didn't deserve a place in it. But then again, guilt and a sudden panic had washed over her when she'd realised that her hand was so close to being around Effy's neck. The almost pained look on Effy's face flashed through her mind and she shivered unintentionally.

Naomi shrugged. "Just not her usual self. She seemed upset."

Katie nodded. She knew exactly what Naomi meant. She had seen had seen the flickers in Effy's face when she hadn't been the smug, so easily hateable girl that had been ever-present throughout the previous year. Instead, it had been replaced by someone who looked broken, almost vulnerable. It was what made her curious when she knew she shouldn't be. It was part of what was driving her insane. "At the party she..." Katie cut herself off when she realised just what exactly she'd been about to admit. And to a lesbian. Not just any lesbian, but fucking Naomi Campbell. Katie was tempted to think that Naomi would probably take her kissing a girl as an open invitation, but she had seen Naomi interact with her sister enough to know that what they had was real. Still, she couldn't believe what Effy Stonem had reduced her to. She was on the verge of admitting that Effy kissed her to someone she'd considered an enemy no more than a few months prior.

Naomi looked at her expectantly, but Katie just shook her head and pretended to turn her attention back to the television. She just needed to push all thoughts of Effy Stonem from her mind. She needed to stop being curious. She definitely needed to forget about the stupid fucking kiss, because clearly Effy had just been trying to get under her skin, and Katie was being stupid enough to let her do just that. If she did those things and focused on Cook or something, then she'd be fine. She hated herself for thinking that if she'd fucked Effy in a roundabout way by fucking Cook, that meant that Effy had fucked her as well by fucking Freddie.


	8. Chapter 8

Effy glared at Cook. She didn't even understand why she was doing it, but she couldn't stand the sight of him as he picked Katie up and twirled her around. Katie smiled genuinely and something about the fact that Cook made Katie smile like that cut through Effy.

Effy turned her attention to chipping the black nail polish off of her fingernails. She didn't know why she bothered thinking about this situation, trying to intervene. There was no point, obviously. She'd actually been trying to help Katie and it had just fucking backfired in her face, and it turned out that Katie had been right after all. When Cook was interacting with Katie, he was good enough for her. He treated her right. Effy didn't need to watch them long to see that.

She reached for the beer she'd grabbed as soon as she'd entered the house party and took a big gulp, but it was nowhere near as satisfactory as the burn of liquor. She couldn't just stand there and watch them being all cute together. It was sickening in a way that was more than simply a physical reaction and she didn't like it at all. She slipped out the back door and lit a fag, inhaling deeply and wishing, not for the first time that night, that she had something more potent than nicotine to numb her senses.

It was strange, she mused, how fast she'd gone from being virtually numb all the time to suddenly feeling again and wanting to numb those feelings. It was really a tossup some days which was worse: feeling pain, guilt, upset, or not feeling anything at all.

She savoured her cigarette, watching the ash glow red as she tapped it then float away, gray and lifeless in the cold night air. She wished vaguely that she could follow it. If she could then she wouldn't be here to fuck up people's lives.

She didn't understand why she couldn't just leave Katie be, why she didn't want to.

Her cigarette was almost down to the filter now and she stared into the end of it, watching it burn down. She brushed her finger quickly and lightly past the end of it, thinking how easy it would be to push down a little harder and feel the burn in her skin. The door next to her open and a giggling girl stumbled through the door, asshole looking boy in tow. Effy flicked her fag away and slipped unnoticed back into the house.

Cook and Katie seemed to have disappeared so Effy headed for the kitchen to look for something harder than the beer she'd left sitting on some table somewhere. She was annoyed to find that whoever had thought to stock the bar for this party had sorely underestimated people's desire for liquor. An empty bottle of tequila and two empty bottles of rum were all that she could find. She sighed heavily and snagged a cider out of the fridge, gulping it down quickly.

Cook's laughter drifted in from another room and she drank more, trying to shut him out. She closed her eyes as she leaned back against the kitchen counter and unwillingly imagined Katie smiling back at him, laughing with him, touching his arm tenderly with the intention of doing more later. She shuddered.

She shouldn't have come. She didn't even really know why she had except that she was Effy Stonem, and Effy Stonem didn't pass up the opportunity for a party because she didn't pass up an opportunity to get fucked up. The facade of Effy Stonem felt that way at any rate. The real Effy Stonem seemed to have ceased to exist. Maybe she lay dead in the woods with the Katie Fitch that had no scar on her temple.

Effy crumpled her can in her hand, feeling the metal dig in sharply as it formed hard angles and thin lines, before tossing it aside idly. Cook laughed out again and Effy decided she didn't want to listen to it anymore. Cook could fuck off back to where he came from as far as Effy was concerned, and she wondered when exactly she'd changed into feeling that way. She'd started off thinking of him as a good time. Someone she could have some fun with from time to time. Someone who was a good shag. After a while she'd simply become indifferent to him. Indifferent to everyone really. Except for Katie.

She climbed up the stairs, hoping to find another roof to lie on, but a quick examination of the bedrooms led to her being yelled at twice by amorous (or more likely: horny) couples, and an utter lack of any windows with any roof access. She slumped down in the hallway by the third (and only empty) bedroom. She heard a toilet flush just down the hall and she didn't even bother looking up when the door opened and someone began to make their way down the hall.

"What the...Just my fucking luck," a familiar voice muttered.

Effy looked up into Katie's scowling face and she scrambled to her feet. "Alright?" Effy asked before she could stop herself.

"Fucking peachy, thanks. Like since when do you give a shit? Because I've been trying to figure out why the fuck you suddenly seem like you care," Katie shot back, and Effy heard some of the old Katie shining through.

Still, she noticed the way that Katie's lip trembled slightly and her hands were clenched into tight fists, and she knew that the bravado was something of a show. The scared Katie that she'd seen at the club a few weeks back was in there too. She wondered which the real Katie was. Maybe it was a combination of the two.

"Who are you these days, Katie?" Effy inquired, really wanting to understand, wanting to know.

"I'm Katie fucking Fitch!" Katie replied angrily. "Who the fuck are you?"

Effy considered the question for a second. "I don't know," she whispered back, letting her mask slip away, forgotten before pinning Katie to the wall in a deep kiss.

"What the fuck!" Katie demanded, shoving Effy harshly away.

Effy looked up into Katie's eyes earnestly, really searching them, needing to know what she was feeling. She was met with anger.

Katie glared then turned and started to storm away.

Effy slumped against the wall, wishing that she hadn't left her bottle of vodka at home that night because she really didn't have the energy to put her mask back in place and go off and find some alcohol.

"I mean what the fuck!" Katie growled, and Effy saw her marching back towards her when she opened her eyes. "What gives you the fucking right to say that, and do that, and then fucking look at me like that?! I just...You fucking...Errrgh!" she grunted before pinning Effy against the wall and kissing her fiercely. "You just fucking...." Katie started when she pulled away, but Effy swallowed the rest of her complaint in another kiss, swiping her tongue into Katie's partially open mouth. A few seconds later Katie was kneading harshly at her tits.

Katie bit down on her lower lip, and Effy could taste the metallic flavour of her own blood as her tongue flicked against Katie's lips. She wrapped her hands around Katie's shoulders and dug her fingers in, pulling the girl closer and eliciting a small moan. Effy turned them around and they stumbled into the empty, dark bedroom.

Katie slammed the door and kissed Effy fiercely once more. Effy wondered briefly what Katie's trying to escape by doing this. Effy wasn't delusional enough to think that this really had anything to do with her. Still, it felt strangely good, having Katie's arms wrap tightly around her, feeling needed, wanted, and not by some asshole looking for a good shag, but instead by Katie.

Effy stepped forward, forcing Katie against the wall and Katie retaliated by raking her fingers down Effy's back.

Effy wondered exactly how far she could push this, push Katie. She knew she probably shouldn't push at all. She knew she was probably causing Katie more harm in the long run, but she couldn't stop. She wanted this. It almost felt like she needed this, the way that her body was responding to Katie's harsh touch, almost as if it were longing for it. She wanted to cause Katie some physical pleasure to make up for the physical pain she'd caused in the past. She grazed her hands down Katie's sides, down over the bottom of Katie's short skirt, and she hiked it up.

Katie dug her fingernails deeper into Effy's back and Effy's sharp intake of breath broke the silence between them. Effy traced her fingers up the inside of Katie's thigh before brushing them against Katie's knickers. She let out a small gasp when she realised Katie was soaked through them.

Effy stared straight into Katie's eyes and saw numerous accusations staring back at her. Katie gazed back, unflinching as Effy brushed past her knickers again, pressing a little harder this time. It was a battle of wills, Effy knew, but when Katie surged forward, mashing their lips together harshly and bit Effy's lower lip again, Effy wasn't sure if she'd won or lost.

She slid Katie's knickers aside and rubbed her fingers lightly against the slickness that waited for her there. It made her want Katie even more.

Katie broke the kiss and glared at her. "I hate you!" she gasped. "You fuck everything up!"

"I know," Effy breathed back into Katie's ear as she slid a long, slender finger into Katie's wet folds. Katie bit down hard on Effy's exposed shoulder, her T-shirt dress having slid off of it as they'd rubbed against each other. Effy whimpered as she felt Katie's teeth dig in and then felt her start to suck fiercely. She knew that Katie's teeth would leave a mark and the sucking would mark her, but she didn't care as she added a second finger and thrust it deeply into Katie.

Katie let out a muffled moan that vibrated through Effy's shoulder, but she kept her teeth dug in. Effy was starting to wonder if Katie's teeth were going to break the surface. She thought briefly as Katie's fingers scraped down her back and cupped her ass harshly that she wouldn't mind if they did.

Katie brought one hand around to Effy's front and kneaded Effy's tit roughly as she finally let go of Effy's shoulder and tilted her head back hard against the wall so that it made a loud thump, and Effy knew that it probably hurt, but Katie didn't make a sound. Instead Katie let out a long ragged breath as Effy added a third finger to the two already thrusting in and out at Katie at as quick a pace as she could manage. Effy put her thumb to Katie's clit and started rubbing small circles around it.

"Harder," Katie gasped and Effy obliged, pushing down harder on Katie's clit as she thrust still deeper into her with her fingers. She ignored the ache in her wrist as Katie's fingers pinched harshly at her nipple through her dress.

She let out a small moan before leaning in to Katie's ear. "For what it's worth, I hate me too," Effy whispered. She nipped at Katie's earlobe then sucked it into her mouth.

Katie shoved her back harshly until she could stare her in the eye. Effy didn't slow the pace of her thrusts at all.

Katie seemed to be studying her face, and Effy stared back, meeting her gaze.

"Fuck you!" Katie hissed, and leaned forward, closing the small gap between their lips.

Effy could practically taste the need and the anger in the bruising kiss and she felt Katie's fingers dragging up her ass, hiking up her T-shirt dress as they went.

She gasped as Katie's hand ran around to the front of her knickers and dipped underneath the waistband. She felt, more than heard, Katie moan into her mouth when she felt exactly how wet Effy was. Effy canted her hips into Katie's touch, her body longing for the friction. She was surprised at exactly how much her body seemed to want this, to want Katie.

Katie's fingers dipped inside of her, and even that motion was harsh, but she could feel Katie's body begin to shudder and her breathing becoming more uneven.

"Fuck!" Katie moaned. "Oh God! Fuck me!" Katie moaned.

Effy had been expecting another "Fuck you" so much that when Katie's lips smashed against hers again, it took her a moment to realize that there wasn't a trace of anger anymore. It had all been replaced by pure need.

She felt Katie's fingers working sloppily in and out of her and she bucked in towards Katie at the same time as Katie thrust up towards her. Effy felt her breath hitch as she broke their kiss and simply watched Katie crash over the edge as she felt Katie clench around her fingers.

_She's gorgeous,_ was Effy's surprising first thought as she watched Katie's eyes close firmly and her supple lips part in a silent moan.

Katie's fingers thrust deeper as she continued to spasm, and when Katie's eyes finally opened again, Effy could feel her fingers start to move with more purpose. Katie stared back at her, expression almost defiant.

She was completely shocked. Katie continued to surprise her. Effy slid her fingers out slowly and leaned heavily against the smaller brunette as Katie thrust harshly into her.

"Fuck! Katie," Effy whimpered into Katie's ear because even though there was no finesse to what Katie was doing, Effy found herself nearing the edge herself.

The door beside them burst open, letting light from the hallway filter over them, and Katie froze in place, staring back at Effy with wide, frightened eyes.

Effy knew that the reality of what was happening had just set in with Katie.

"Shit! Sorry," Naomi mumbled from the doorway as she stared at them in shock, and Effy felt her heart sink for Katie.

"What?" Effy heard a drunken Emily inquire as Naomi quickly shut the door.

"It's taken," Naomi replied as their footsteps became fainter.

Effy felt Katie pull out of her harshly then Katie was shoving her away and she was stumbling back.

"Shit! Fuck!" Katie cursed. "You! You fucking stay away from me, got it?" She growled, taking a menacing step towards Effy.

Katie lifted up the fingers that were still glistening wet with Effy's juices and stared at them as if they'd betrayed her, before she wiped them off fiercely on skirt. "Fuck!" Katie repeated. With a last glare at Effy, she ran from the room.

Effy didn't need to follow her to know that she'd run straight into Cook's arms.

Effy stepped back until she felt the back of her knees hit the bed, and she slid down it to the floor, leaning her head back against it.

She'd fucked up again. Royally this time. Probably her worst fuck up ever, and there seemed to be rather steep competition for that these days, so that was really saying something.

She knew that Katie wouldn't come near her again, and she knew that she owed Katie the space that she'd requested. What she didn't know or understand, was why that seemed to hurt so much. Her chest felt like it was splitting open and she realized she was gasping for air. A second later she realised that the stinging feeling in her eyes was due to the tears streaming down her face. She was crying for the first time since the day after she'd hit Katie in the head with the rock. And here she was crying over Katie again, only this time she wasn't sure why.


	9. Chapter 9

Fuck! What the hell was she thinking? Well clearly she wasn't. She was reacting. Plain and simple. But fuck, why'd she have to react like she did? It didn't make any fucking sense. She should have walked away. She was Katie fucking Fitch. She didn't give a damn about Effy Stonem. She couldn't. Effy had left her for dead. Effy had left her scarred for life. Effy had just fucked her in a spare bedroom at a party. She shuddered as she marched on down the hallway.

It was just that Effy had sounded so weak, so broken, and some part of Katie had responded, had wanted to reach out to the girl she'd once considered a friend. Then Effy had kissed her and it hadn't felt like other kisses. Her lips had tingled in a way they clearly shouldn't have.

She had started out right. She had pushed her away. She turned and walked away. But Effy's blue eyes had stared back at her from the inside of her brain, looking hurt. Why did they look hurt? They had no right to! Effy was the one who caused pain, she didn't feel it! Effy's open face had lingered in her mind as the feel of Effy's lips lingered on her own. Katie had turned around. She couldn't stop herself. She was going to have it out with Effy. She was going to give her a piece of her fucking mind because Effy just had no fucking write to sound so honest and so broken. But Effy had looked even more broken when she'd turned around, when she'd marched back, when she'd started to try to yell, and Katie's thoughts had become muddled.

Effy had simply looked at her with an open, honest face. Effy's eyes had felt like they were piercing into her soul. She'd had to stop it. She'd had to regain some power, some control, over herself and Effy. So she'd kissed her. Kissed her hard. Kissed her without whatever it was that had been behind Effy's kiss a minute before. Kissed her in a way that she knew wouldn't leave her lips tingling. She had pulled away, ready to leave the brunette again now that she'd gotten something back. One last scathing remark and she'd be gone down the hallway, down the stairs, down into Cook's arms. But the Effy had kissed her again, cutting her off, and her stomach had lurched like she'd just dropped over the peak of a rollercoaster and her lips had responded without her consent.

That wasn't how it was supposed to happen, but she couldn't tear herself away, so she'd tried to make it on her terms, she'd been harsh with Effy, with her tit, with her lip. Katie had tasted the blood on Effy's lip, but she hadn't relented. She hadn't been able too.

Katie replayed the scenario in her head as she slowly descended the stairs, unconsciously scanning the crowded room for Cook. Cook could fix this. He could fix what she'd just done, what she'd just had done to her. Apparently he'd been right about his cock being the cure all along. For some things at least.

Except of course Naomi saw her first. Fucking lezza bitch. Katie watched as Naomi kissed Emily on the head before starting to make her way towards Katie. That was one thing that Katie definitely could not deal with right now. She spotted Cook a second later and veered towards him. Naomi almost reached her but Katie glared and shook her head. If Naomi knew what was good for her she wouldn't come after her. Katie didn't bother looking back to see if she was or not. She grabbed Cook's arm and dragged him towards the back door. She needed him to help her erase what had just happened. She needed him to help her forget.

She kissed Cook as soon as they were out back. He kissed back eagerly, but somehow it just didn't feel the same. She pulled away and looked him in the eyes.

He had an amused glint in his eye and he let his eyes drag over her body. Katie knew that normally she'd be smugly soaking up his obvious appreciation of her form, but right then she just couldn't. Something in his eyes reminded her of the look that Effy had had when she'd first thrust into her. It made her shiver. She pulled him to her, needing to not look him in the eye, needing to just fuck him. He picked her up and pressed her against the wall and she wrapped her legs around his waist as her fingers went to work on the button on his pants.

"Katiekins, we're in public," he objected, breathing heavily in her ear even as he thrust towards her and his erection pressed against her.

"I don't fucking care. I need you to fuck me," she panted before kissing him hard and grinding down into him.

She felt more than heard him chuckle, and then Cook's pants were around his ankles and his boxers were pulled down a bit and her knickers were pushed aside as his cock slid into her. It was hard and fast and exactly what Katie had been looking for, except it wasn't doing what she needed it too. She couldn't stop the comparison between Cook's cock and Effy's fingers. Both were needy, but there was something else, some other quality to Effy's strokes that she couldn't define.

"Shit you should've told me you were so fucking wet babes! I'd have taken care of you sooner," Cook laughed and Katie just knew that he had a cocky grin on his face, but she had her eyes closed firmly and she tilted her head back until she felt it hit the brick of the wall. She merely grunted in response. She didn't want to think about why she was so wet.

Cook kissed down her newly exposed neck and she flashed to Effy's softer lips doing the same as Effy's hair tickled against her skin. It'd felt pleasant.

Katie let her head slam the brick a little harder with Cook's next thrust, trying to eliminate that thought from her head. She could not fucking think like that. Fucking Effy had been horrible. It had to have been.

She tried to focus on the feel of Cook's thick cock as it slid in and out of her, tried to focus on the way it was making her feel, but for some reason it wasn't enough. It didn't feel as good as it normally did. And worst of all it wasn't making her forget.

Katie kissed him again, trying to feel her normal arousal. It wasn't like it didn't feel good. It did. It just didn't feel as good. She didn't want to think what it didn't feel as good as. She couldn't. She was with Cook. She was fucking Cook. Cook was a great shag. She knew that for a fact.

If Cook was noticing anything different about this time, he didn't show it. She wasn't sure how she felt about that. She couldn't help feeling that Effy would notice. Not that it mattered.

Effy could fuck off. She could disappear. It wouldn't matter. Katie'd be better off. In fact, Effy needed to fuck off and leave her in peace.

Katie's head was starting to ache from the pounding it was getting against the wall so she wrapped one hand under Cook's arm to cling to him and leaned forward. She groaned as she breathed in and realised that Effy's scent lingered on her fingers. She ignored that the smell made her pussy clench around Cook's cock.

She ground down against Cook as he continued to thrust into her, grunting in her ear from time to time. She could tell he was getting closer, but she just wasn't close enough.

She closed her eyes tightly. "Harder," she gasped and then regretted it as she remembered asking the same thing of Effy not long before. And God, Effy had obliged and it had felt so...No! It hadn't fucking felt anything! It hadn't happened!

Except it had, and Effy had whispered that she hated herself in Katie's ear. Why had Effy said that? Why had she sounded so honest and so broken? More importantly, why had that sent a shudder down her spine and completely unravelled her. Why the fuck had she let Effy fucking Stonem completely unravel her? She'd hated the way Effy had sounded so she'd had to look at her and that had been such a mistake because Effy had looked so open, so vulnerable, and that had simply undone Katie further. It had practically melted away her hate. She'd tried to cling to it, but Effy's fingers had been moving in her and she'd been getting closer and...

Fuck! Why the fuck was she thinking about Effy when Cook was fucking her? That sure as fuck wasn't supposed to happen!

She realised that she'd gotten a lot closer to the edge and hated herself for it. Still, Cook obviously wasn't going to last much longer and she needed him to make her come, needed his actions, his cock to wipe out what she'd done before. Her eyes flew open to try to take in her current surroundings and block out the memories of the bedroom.

"Fuck, Katie!" Cook gasped, his breath hot on her neck. "Oh fuck! Oh Cookie's close!"

She grasped him a little harder, a little tighter, trying to remind herself that he was the one she was with, the one she was supposed to be with. He was the only one she wanted. The only one who could really satisfy her. Except she felt herself slipping a little further away from the edge again. She closed her eyes and fixated on the sensations running through her body. Why didn't it feel like enough just then when it had been plenty for over a week now?

Cook grunted heavily in her ear and she knew it was only a matter of moments. She took a deep breath and the scent of Effy permeated her senses again and piercing blue eyes, open, honest eyes, broken eyes, beautiful eyes, flashed through her mind. She felt herself clench around Cook's cock again and that seemed to be enough for him. She felt him coming in her and she knew she should care, but she didn't. Cook had to erase what Effy had done, what she'd done with Effy. Effy with the blue eyes that felt like they were staring into her soul and the long, elegant, and talented fingers. She didn't know why she'd thrust her own fingers inside of Effy except that she'd wanted to unravel the brunette like she'd unravelled her. She had felt the need in Effy's body, in her movements and she had just done it, hadn't thought, and Effy had felt warm inside, and she'd been oh so wet. And Effy had stared at her with those blue eyes and kissed her with those soft red lips.

Katie's head smacked back against the wall as a moan escaped her lips and she tipped over the edge. Cook was slowing his pace, but kept it up just long enough for her to ride out her orgasm. She didn't think, when it was done, about what had finally done the trick to push her that extra inch. She couldn't think about it.

She sent Cook to get her something to clean up with when he'd pulled out and set her down, and she collapsed against the wall to wait for him. She'd go home and take a nice hot shower. She'd wash away her sins of the night. Then she'd sleep and she'd wake up and she'd be clean, she decided. Her memory would be wiped clean as well. She wouldn't remember Effy's fingers working inside of her. She wouldn't remember Effy's tongue in her mouth. She wouldn't remember Effy's lips gliding over her neck. Above all she wouldn't remember the way that Effy had looked at her. A look that Katie didn't want to try to decipher but that scared her to death nonetheless. She'd go to sleep tonight and wake up tomorrow feeling better, forgetting everything. She had to.

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Effy didn't want to dwell. She knew full well where Katie had gone off to. And Katie had told her to stay away. So she'd stay away. She shouldn't be upset over that. She shouldn't care.

She forced herself to compose herself, closing the tears out of her eyes. She was Effy Stonem and she was at a party. People had certain expectations of her. Crying in a bedroom was not one of them. She didn't really give a shit what people thought of her. Not most people. She'd thought not anyone, but apparently she'd been wrong about that. Still, she knew she had to get out of there and she wanted her mask firmly in place as she did so.

She slipped out of the bedroom and down the hall to the bathroom, ignoring the uncomfortable wetness that still lingered between her thighs. She stared in the mirror, taking in her streaked mascara and her red rimmed eyes. She didn't bother looking deeper than that, she knew that the only think that would be looking back at her would be emptiness. She wiped her mascara away as best she could and splashed a little cold water on her face. She blew her nose and took a deep breath. When she looked in the mirror again her face was blank, neutral. She tried to muster up her smirk, but it wouldn't come. She sighed, pulled the door open, and headed down the hall and down the stairs.

Naomi was on her in a second.

Effy rolled her eyes and glanced around, noting that Emily was dancing with Pandora, well out of ear shot and that Katie and Cook were nowhere to be found. Not that she cared.

"What the fuck, Effy?" Naomi scowled at her.

Effy simply shrugged.

"You just enjoying fucking up people's lives more?" Naomi continued.

Effy looked Naomi straight in the eyes and met her glare unflinchingly. Somehow it just didn't have the ability to pierce through her the way that Katie's had.

"Katie may not be my favourite person but you've put her through a lot and she's finally trying, so fucking just leave her be," Naomi said in a threatening voice.

Effy wanted to scoff. Since when had Naomi and Katie been friends? Since when had Naomi been sticking up for Katie? She knew that that would only make matters worse, though, and really she just wanted to go home, get her hands on some vodka, and drink away any memory of Katie's fingers and lips on her, drink away any ounce of feeling that she'd had tonight. "Don't worry. I'll leave your girlfriend's sister be," Effy replied, forcing a bit of a sneer into her voice, but she couldn't help thinking that it came out a bit hollow.

Effy dropped her gaze and scanned the room again. She needed to get out of there. A noise by the back door drew her attention and she felt an instant wave of nausea. Katie, looking very obviously just fucked, had just sauntered through the door, a jovial looking Cook just behind her, arm possessively around her shoulders.

She was aware of Naomi's eyes taking in the same scene then turning back to her, but Effy just couldn't pull her mask into place as her eyes stayed glued to Katie.

Katie's eyes met hers through the crowd and she found herself simultaneously overwhelmed with the urge to turn and run and to surge forward to the girl. She compromised by staying completely still. Katie's eyes lingered for another second, and Effy felt like they were burning a hole through her skull, before a glare hardened onto Katie's face and she turned around and pulled Cook into a deep kiss. Effy felt bile rise at the back of her throat and she flinched away unwillingly.

She forced her attention back to Naomi who was staring at her shaking her head. "No," Naomi declared. "No way! That's fucked up!"

"Shut up," Effy whispered harshly, but her mouth felt dry and her words lacked the bite she wanted.

"That's really fucked up. You know that right?" Naomi informed her.

"Shut up!" Effy repeated, louder this time. "She wants me gone. You want me gone. I'm gone." With that, Effy forced herself to manoeuvre around the still gaping blonde and out of the front door. She didn't look back. She couldn't. She walked down the mostly empty streets, listening to her footsteps echoing on the pavement, ignoring the cold air whipping at her bare arms. She went straight upstairs and grabbed the half full bottle of vodka from where she'd carelessly discarded it onto her bed earlier that day and she took a large gulp, feeling the burn flow down her throat, matching the one that her tears were causing in her eyes. "I'm gone," she whispered to her room before she took another big gulp.


	10. Chapter 10

Katie glared. She hoped that her look would hold enough venom to discourage the blonde in front of her, but apparently Naomi was stupider than she thought.

"I'm not going to tell Emily," Naomi finally said.

"Fucking right you're not going to tell her! Because nothing fucking happened! Got it?" Katie crossed her arms tightly and glared even harder. She'd just about convinced herself of that by the time she'd woken up the morning after it had happened. She liked Cook. She was practically dating Cook. They'd fucked for longer. They'd both come. That meant it counted more and it sure as fuck cancelled out any stupid mistakes from earlier that evening.

"Katie," Naomi sighed.

"No! Don't fucking Katie me! Naomi nothing happened," Katie hated the way that her voice had turned from strong to almost pleading. "Nothing at all. You didn't see anything happening when you walked into the room. Ok?"

Naomi studied Katie for a minute and Katie couldn't help feeling like she was under a microscope. Finally Naomi nodded and Katie breathed out a sigh of relief.

"Now will you let me up to my room please?" Katie demanded.

Naomi stepped to the side to let Katie pass. "You can talk to me. If you ever want," Naomi called over her shoulder.

Katie froze at the top of the stairs, the word "thanks" on the tip of her tongue, but she just couldn't, so a second later she kept walking.

Naomi didn't bother her again.

Katie didn't talk to her. Why did she need to? Nothing had happened.

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Effy couldn't understand why staying gone was proving so difficult. Normally it was something she excelled at. So why was it that she had to force herself to turn and walk the other way when she saw Katie in the hallways at college rather than lingering to watch her? Why did she have to remind herself to stay mute on the rare occasions when they crossed paths in the loos when she longed to just check to make sure that Katie was alright? She knew she had no right to. Her asking would only do more damage than she'd already done. And Katie, for her part, seemed to have no trouble pretending that Effy didn't exist.

Effy never once looked up to find Katie so much as sideways glancing at her in class. They never locked eyes in the hallway. Effy could tell that as far as Katie was concerned, she'd fallen off the face of the planet. It was probably for the best.

Despite her temptation to check up on the small brunette, two weeks passed without incident. She'd promised she'd stay gone, so she would. She owed Katie that much.

Still it was difficult, and more infuriating, was that she didn't understand why it was so hard. Why did she care? She knew what Naomi thought. The pointed stares that she would occasionally receive from the blonde at school made it all too obvious. But it just wasn't possible. Katie was just...interesting to her. She elicited guilt in Effy which was interesting because no one else made her feel that. That was all. And worry. Katie made her worry. Which was odd because, apart from when Tony was recovering from getting hit by a bus, she'd never been a worrier.

Clearly events in the bedroom had simply been pent up frustration on her side and...temporary insanity on Katie's. She'd ended up having to finish herself off before she'd been able to fall asleep that night, slipping a hand into her still soaked knickers and rubbing harshly against her own clit, the vodka coursing through her system, taking away any inhibitions she might have had about imagining haunting brown eyes and slender and surprisingly adept fingers that vanish far too soon. She'd come in mere minutes. She'd more or less drunk herself to sleep every night since.

Three weeks since that night and she had to get out of her house. Her mother simply looked through her, and when she'd tried to get her mother's attention by snatching the bottle of gin on the table in front of her, her mum had grabbed it back, then flung it against the wall, narrowly missing Effy. She wasn't scared. She wasn't upset. She was simply suffocating in her house, in her mother's presence, and in her own mind.

Effy'd heard about a party. Party equalled booze and an excuse to leave her house so she'd gone.

It wasn't her night. Freddie cornered her less than an hour after she got there, apparently past the quiet sulking phase of their breakup. He was looking for a confrontation, that if Effy was honest with herself, she couldn't be bothered to have. He didn't evoke any emotion in her anymore: real or imagined.

"You look nice tonight," Freddie snarled sarcastically.

Effy didn't bother to respond. Her mask was firmly in place, but her makeup was underdone for a change. She hadn't taken the time to make much of an effort in her appearance in her rush to get out of her house.

"You know, you could at least still have the decency to talk to me. I fucking loved you," Freddie growled and she could smell the alcohol heavy on his breath. As familiar as she was with the stench of alcohol, his breath made her nauseous.

"You thought you loved me Freddie," she replied with false sweetness and an ironic smile.

Freddie glared. "You're such a fucking bitch. You just fuck people over for the fun of it. You know that?" he snapped at her.

Effy gazed away, feigning boredom. The truth was his words actually cut through. Not because of him, but because her eyes locked on Katie's from across the room. The brunette had just entered, Cook on her arm.

"You'll never love anyone and no one will ever love you," Freddie spat as his parting blow before slinking off to sulk somewhere else.

"I know," Effy murmured to herself, Freddie already forgotten as the brown eyes across the room widened then narrowed. In an instant they were gone and Effy watched with clenched teeth as Katie turned a broad grin on Cook who was whispering in her ear. She laughed lightly, Effy obviously forgotten. Cook grinned back, throwing and arm around her and pulling her in for a kiss. There was no missing the spark between them. Effy turned as bile rose in her throat, thoughts of partying forgotten from her brain. She found the back door, finding herself trapped by a tall hedge. She looked for a patch with the least vegetation, ignoring two already boisterously drunk blokes who seemed to think that wolf-whistles and lame pick-up lines were the way to go about attracting a mate. She pushed her way through the hedge, ignoring the scrapes at her face and exposed legs. She found herself on a small lane and she started walking, no destination in mind.

Rain started to patter down around her unnoticed even as it saturated her hair and dripped down her spine. She walked down street after street, some familiar, some not. She walked until her calves burned and the rain had chilled her so much that she was shivering from head to toe. She let her feet take her where they wanted, letting the rain wash over her, washing away whatever it was that Katie made her feel. There was no point in it. In any of it.

She looked up and saw a familiar house. Not that she'd ever gone inside, but she'd walked past before, met the twins outside of it so they could walk to a party together. Back in the past. Before rocks and "love" triangles. Before everything had become fucked beyond repair.

She couldn't stop the tears that trickled down her face. She didn't know why they fell and she could barely differentiate them from the rain drops that slapped against her face the slid down, dropping off her chin. She shivered slightly more violently, but for the first time that night she felt a little bit like she could breathe easily.

It wouldn't harm anybody, she decided, to just sit for a while. She walked up the path and leaned against the wall, sliding down it until she was sitting there, knees tucked under her chin as the rain continued to pelt down on her. Katie would be at the party for a while. She'd probably fucking go home with Cook anyway. Emily and Naomi were probably there too, or off at Naomi's. Either way, nobody would find her. She wasn't really breaking her vow to disappear, to leave Katie alone.

She sat there, huddled around herself, though her slender frame provided no warmth compared to the bitter cold of the wind and the rain. She ignored the cold though. It was irrelevant too really. Nothing was relevant. Nothing was real. She stared out into the blackness of the night, trying not to feel, listening to the pitter patter of the raindrops slapping against the pavement, plopping into puddles, and running off the roof. She let it overwhelm her as she crossed her arms on top of her knees and laid her had on them. She stayed like that, unaware of the passage of time or the shivering of her body. She felt like she was waiting for something, but she had no idea what.

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Katie was more than happy pretending that Effy Stonem didn't exist. She ignored her completely and instead focused on Cook or, when he wasn't around, on Emily, or even Naomi. She couldn't keep the shudder out of her body when they'd cross paths though. Effy, for her part, seemed to be keeping her distance finally. About fucking time, Katie thought.

Katie excelled in denial. Cook turned out to be an extremely useful crutch. More than that, Katie really did enjoy his company. Especially when they were away from everyone else and he would put away the macho facade that he tended to parade around and he showed that he really could be sweet and caring.

Katie had fucked him with a sense of urgency for a few days after the party, but after that things had mellowed and she'd stopped seeing flashes of piercing blue eyes as she'd come. She'd felt less of the need to erase what had happened because she felt it had already been erased. Most of the time. Until she caught sight of the tall lanky brunette slipping around a corner walking away from her. Or until she had to sit in class with the girl. Then unwanted memories flooded back and unwelcome curiosity infiltrated her mind.

Cook, it had turned out, was magnificent with his tongue and Katie definitely enjoyed it when he went down on her. It added a whole new dimension to their sex lives. She ignored the one time that she'd imagined it was deep blue eyes gazing up from between her legs rather than greenish grey ones. It was added to the list of events that never happened.

Cook became her boyfriend. Officially. By his own admission. It had made her smile and feel warm and fuzzy inside. Emily had frowned disapprovingly when Katie'd told her but hadn't said anything and seemed to be at least somewhat happy for her as the days progressed. Naomi had raised an eyebrow, given her a pointed look, but wisely kept schtum as well. She really hadn't told Emily anything, much to Katie's surprise.

Cook took her out on weekends, and while they still ended up at crazy house parties where Cook had more of a tendency to go a little mental, but he had started taking her to dinner first as well. Or at least cooking for her. It turned out he wasn't just good at making breakfast foods.

She made it three whole weeks before her eyes met Effy's again and the shiver that ran through her was uncontrollable.

"Have I told you how extremely fuckable you're looking tonight babes? It's a fucking shame I've got work in the morning or I would be taking you home to satisfy your every need over and over again all night," Cook whispered softly in her ear, and she could see the grin on his face without having to look at him. Just like that Effy's spell was broken.

She laughed. She had to. Cook really was rather amusing. She turned to him and he grinned at her and kissed her and she forgot all about the other guests at the party. She was there to have fun with Cook. And she did.

They didn't stay too late though. Cook was kind enough to give her some money and call her a taxi because of the rain. She kissed him goodbye and rode home, watching the rain run down the windows, glad that she didn't have to walk. She felt the most at peace that she had in months.

Katie froze when she made out the small hunched figure by her door, forgetting that she'd been trying to hurry to get out of the rain. She recognised the figure when she took a few tentative steps closer and she felt her chest constrict. Suddenly she wanted to run from her own house. Except Effy didn't respond. Didn't even look up. The only sign that she was alive even was the intense shivering that was wracking through the girl's slender frame.

"Shit," Katie growled. She shook her head. She couldn't believe what she was about to do. She wasn't heartless though. As much as she wished she could just leave Effy out in the rain, it wasn't in her. She hurried to the girl's side and tugged harshly at her arm.

Effy looked up in surprise.

"Fucking come on, then," Katie snapped. Katie dragged Effy up by her arm and tugged her into the house. "Fuck, you're dripping fucking everywhere," Katie moaned. "Look, just stay there for a second. And take off your shoes!" Katie instructed, sliding her feet out of her own shoes as she did so. She raced up the stairs as quietly as she could, slipped out of her own now wet clothes and tugged on some dry pyjamas before grabbing a dry towel out of a cupboard and then returned to Effy. She wrapped the towel around the still shivering, completely sodden girl. She led the now shoeless girl up the stairs and into the bathroom. She started to run the girl a hot bath.

"Come on. We'll get you warmed up," Katie sighed.

She helped Effy tug off her soaking sweater and top that seemed much more interested in clinging to the girl's slender body. Katie didn't need to remind herself not to look. There was nothing she wanted to see. She was too focused on being frustrated that this girl was somehow back in her life once again. On top of that, she was somehow now in her fucking house. This couldn't really be happening. Katie turned her back so that Effy could finish undressing. "I'll be back in a bit," she informed the brunette before leaving the room.

She slipped out of the bathroom and into her own bedroom. Only once the door was closed did she feel like she could breathe properly again. She took a few deep breaths. "I can do this. I'm a bigger person than she is. She's not going to hit me with a rock again." Just to be safe, Katie did a quick sweep around her room, checking for anything that she thought Effy might potentially use as a weapon and tucking it away under her bed or in the closet.

"What the fuck are you thinking?" she asked herself aloud. How could she be so stupid as to invite Effy Stonem into her house. Effy didn't give a shit about her. Effy probably wouldn't have returned the favour if their roles were reversed. Still, Katie knew she wouldn't turn Effy away. She didn't know why, but the brunette still held some sway over her.

Katie closed her eyes and breathed deeply, trying to convince herself that she wasn't losing her sanity. She considered texting Cook, but realised that he was probably asleep by now. "Fuck," she muttered to herself. She really didn't like this. She tried unsuccessfully to slow her racing heart as she picked out pyjamas for Effy to wear. She went back to the bathroom, stopping to grab another dry towel as she went, and knocked tentatively.

"Come in," a small voice replied and it sounded so unlike Effy that for a moment Katie was startled.

Katie opened the door and slipped into the bathroom, not looking at Effy, simply holding out the towel for her. She wrapped it around the girl, ignoring that her arms were wrapped around Effy's still shivering form. "Dry off. Here are some clothes." Katie said as she closed the toilet lid and set the clothes down on them. I'm going to put your old clothes in the dryer," Katie informed her, aware that the brunette's eyes were burning into her, but unwilling to meet the gaze. She stooped down and picked up the sopping wet clothes, rung them out briefly in the sink and left again.

By the time she'd made it back upstairs, Effy was standing awkwardly in the middle of her bedroom.

"You can take Emily's bed," Katie instructed. She was about to point out which it was, but Effy moved to it before she could. _Of course. She fucking sees everything, so of course she knows which bed is Emily's._ Katie couldn't help her bitter thoughts.

"Thanks," Effy murmured softly.

It still didn't sound like Effy. Not really. It sounded much closer to the broken Effy that she'd encountered in that bedroom weeks ago. It was enough to make Katie finally look up. She was surprised to find the girl in front of her looking extremely unassuming. In fact Effy looked really young and small and almost innocent for once. It caught Katie completely off-guard.

"You're welcome," Katie replied sincerely before remembering that she hated the girl across from her. "Right well. Like, get some sleep or something right? It's late," Katie muttered, turning off her light and climbing into bed, facing away from Effy.

Katie heard the rustling of blankets across the room and knew that Effy was climbing into her sister's bed. They lay there in silence but Katie found that she couldn't sleep. She was too on edge. She rolled over to face Effy, who it turned out was facing the far wall. She watched as the girl continued to shiver even under the blankets.

"For fuck's sake!" Katie grumbled, climbing out of her bed. "Move over you stupid cow."

"What are you doing?" Effy looked around at her in surprise.

"It wouldn't look good if you fucking freeze to death in my house, now, would it?" Katie pointed out, slipping into bed with Effy. She was momentarily shocked to find the tension in her own body mirrored in Effy's as she wrapped an arm around her trying to work her up. "Don't get any ideas or anything, right? I still fucking hate you." Katie needed to make sure that Effy knew that.

"I know," Effy replied, voice barely above a whisper.

"And I know you hate me and this is all probably some other attempt to fuck with my brain," Katie continued, feeling an urge to fill the awkward silence between them.

Effy didn't reply to that, but Katie didn't need her confirmation to know it was true.

"But we're just going to sleep and you're not going to hit me with anything as we do so, right?" Katie hated that she really almost needed confirmation on this fact.

She felt more than heard a soft chuckle emanate from the brunette. It sounded strained though. "I won't hurt you, Katie."

Effy's words sent a shiver down her spine. They somehow sounded more weighted, more meaningful. "Right. Well...Goodnight," Katie muttered.

"Goodnight," Effy replied.

Katie felt the girl's shivers finally slow and then stop as she held her, and she started to feel the tension draining away. She was almost asleep when she thought she heard Effy murmur, "I don't hate you, Katie. I hate me." Then again, maybe it was only a dream.

Effy was gone when Katie woke up in the morning. Katie couldn't help feeling relieved, but at the same time, she felt a bit upset. For the life of her, she didn't know why.


	11. Chapter 11

It had been so stupid to wait there. So stupid. Really purely idiotic. Maybe she really couldn't stop herself from fucking things up. Effy stared into the bottle of vodka she'd opened as soon as she'd gotten home. She still hadn't taken a sip, but she didn't know why.

She replayed the night before in her head. She'd been so cold by the time Katie had come home that she'd been barely functional. She had barely been able to process Katie's instructions at the door, but she'd been too unable to move by herself so she'd stayed put. She'd let Katie lead her all the way, but the only thought in her head had been why was Katie even bothering? The answer was simple really. Katie was a good person deep down. Good enough to take care of someone she hates. Better than Effy for sure. Hands down. No doubt there.

She remembered shuddering violently as Katie helped her take off her clothes. She remembered the way that the hot water had burned her frozen skin when she'd stepped into the bath, but somehow it hadn't burned as much as watching Katie walk away, visibly shaken. She'd tried to splash the warm water over her, to let it stop her chills, but it just hadn't seemed to be enough. She'd scrubbed at her face, willing her mask to be scrubbed away completely. What was the use of it when it didn't work when she needed it most?

When Katie had come back with a towel Effy had stood on shaky legs and climbed out of the tub. She'd felt Katie's arms wrap around her as the fabric of the towel touched her skin and she'd shivered a little harder, but it wasn't from cold. She had watched Katie carefully, taking in the way that the girl wouldn't meet her eyes, wouldn't even look at her face. Katie was scared. She was nervous. Effy could hardly blame her. Katie had disappeared all too quickly again. Effy had slipped on the clothes that Katie had brought her. They were warm and fluffy and pink, and Effy breathed them in deeply, sure that they were Katie's. They still weren't enough to shake the chill from her bones. She had opened the bathroom door tentatively and moved as quietly as she could to what had to be the twins' room. One quick glance over had told her whose side of the room was whose. It didn't take a rocket scientist. As if the posters on the wall hadn't given it away completely, there were also some of Emily's shoes and clothes that had obviously been kicked under the bed. Effy had felt extremely awkward standing in Katie's room. She had felt like she was intruding, which, clearly, she had been.

Effy put her head in her hands and shook her head. She had been so, so, so stupid.

She didn't know why she'd been disappointed when Katie had said she could take Emily's bed. It wasn't like she'd really expected to share Katie's.

That was possibly why she'd been so surprised then when Katie had ended up climbing into bed with her. Of course she had just been being a good person again. Effy had felt how tense Katie was and had known that the girl was still scared. At that moment she hadn't been able to blame her. Her heart rate had soared as Katie's arm wrapped around her. Her mouth had gone dry.

Then Katie had murmured, "I still fucking hate you," in her ear and she'd had to refrain from replying with "I want you." Instead she'd said simply, "I know," because she did. She knew Katie hated her. She knew she deserved Katie's hatred.

Katie had continued, nattering on about how Effy hated her, was just fucking with her, but Effy knew that wasn't it. She didn't know for certain what was going on, but she wasn't trying to fuck with Katie. Not this time. Not for a while. She just felt more at ease when she was around the brunette, like she was finally breathing fresh air, and the air outside of her presence was just stale. She definitely didn't hate Katie. Not at all.

When Katie had checked that Effy wasn't going to hit her with anything, it had almost broken Effy's heart (not that she'd known she still had a heart to break). Katie had sounded so vulnerable, so unsure. Still it had amused Effy a bit because of all of the things she would consider doing to the brunette while in bed with her, hitting her in the head again was not on the list. So she'd chuckled, softly, but it had almost hurt her to do so. She'd hoped that Katie wouldn't take the laugh the wrong way.

She'd promised she wouldn't hurt Katie. She'd tried to convey without actually having to vocalise it in so many words, that she didn't want to hurt Katie at all, in general, ever again. She'd tried to promise herself that she wouldn't as well.

Katie had shivered and Effy knew that she hadn't really understood and didn't really believe. It had broken her a little bit more that Katie lacked even an ounce of faith in her. Then again, there was no reason Katie should have any faith in her.

"Goodnight," Effy had replied. She hadn't known what else to say.

Katie's warmth had finally permeated her body, fighting off the chill that she'd began to think would simply be a permanent fixture in her life from then on. She'd stopped shivering and Katie had stayed, had kept the arm around her. She didn't know why, but it had warmed her inside in a completely different way than physically. She had listened to the brunette's breathing become heavier and she'd felt herself relax. She had found herself growing drowsy without the aid of vodka for the first time in weeks. In Katie's arms, the arms of the girls that she'd almost killed, she'd felt at ease. She didn't deserve it, she knew.

She'd wished that she could've turned and looked at Katie, really looked at her, taken her in. For all she knew it would've been her last opportunity to, but she hadn't wanted to disturb the girl. It would only make her hate herself even more if she started interfering with Katie's sleep. She had found herself wanting Katie to know that she didn't hate her, though. She thought about it to the point where it was almost paining her not to say it. So she'd murmured it softly, hoping that it wouldn't wake Katie if she were truly already asleep.

"I don't hate you, Katie. I hate me."

She'd known that truer words had never left her mouth.

She'd awoken early from the soundest sleep she'd had in months. Katie's arm still around her had let her know that the girl was still asleep. If she hadn't been she'd undoubtedly have recoiled from the presence of Effy. Effy had slid down the bed until she could climb off the end. She'd taken a second, once she was out of bed to just look at Katie like she'd wanted to the night before. She was really incredibly gorgeous. Sleeping there, makeup washed off, not trying so hard to be pretty, she was simply stunning. She looked innocent and cute, and above all peaceful. Effy hadn't been able to stop herself when her hand had reached out and tucked a strand of hair behind Katie's ear, so she could see her serene face a little better.

She'd sighed heavily then turned and tiptoed to the door. She'd listened and hadn't heard a sound so she'd slipped out of the room and down the stairs. She'd found the washer and dryer without much trouble and grabbed her clothes out of the dryer. She'd contemplated wearing Katie's pyjamas home, not wanting to relinquish what was possibly her last connection to the girl, but she'd known that Katie would think she was trying to fuck with her some more, so she didn't. She'd changed quickly, folded the pyjamas, and snuck back up the stairs. She'd placed the pyjamas on Katie's bed, and then she'd heard Katie stir slightly. She'd wheeled around and stared at the girl, afraid that she'd wake, but she'd settled back down and Effy'd heard a light snore. Effy'd had to smile to herself at that.

She'd allowed herself one last long look at Katie and she hadn't been able to understand why her chest had felt like it was aching quite so much. She'd leaned over tentatively and placed a soft kiss on Katie's cheek, a parting present that she knew that Katie would never know she'd gotten. One that she certainly wouldn't appreciate if she did know. Then Effy had forced her legs to turn and leave the room, leave the house, and walk away, vowing once again to herself that she'd leave Katie Fitch alone.

So there she was, sitting in her bed, feeling empty, finding it once again harder to breathe, and staring into a bottle of vodka that she couldn't find the energy to bring to her lips.

She didn't understand it. Or maybe she was afraid that she did. Because what she thought, or well what she suspected she might know simply couldn't be. It would be ridiculous. It certainly wouldn't be returned. It wasn't who Effy Stonem was.

Then again, who was Effy Stonem? Who really knew her? She was coming to the realisation that she barely knew herself. Never in a million years would she have thought that Katie would bring out her truest self, and now she couldn't be around Katie. Maybe she'd never really get to know herself. Maybe that didn't matter.

She closed the bottle of vodka and set it on her bedside table. She flopped back on her bed and stared at her blank ceiling, imagining deep brown eyes staring back at her. She climbed out of bed and crossed to her desk. Tony's desk really. She hadn't put any of her stuff in it. She knew there was some blank paper in one of the drawers and she pulled it out, grabbing a pencil off the top. She put pencil to paper, closed her eyes, remembering curved cheeks, button nose, beautiful, big brown eyes, and she started to draw. She didn't know what it would accomplish. Probably nothing. It was probably pointless. Somehow though, it felt like something.

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Effy really seemed to be staying away this time, and that was good. Except Katie still didn't know why Effy had been at her house that night, and that bothered her. Effy's behaviour hadn't really shown that she was trying to fuck with her that night. Otherwise why would she have subjected herself to the cold and the rain for God knows how long before Katie even got home? It just didn't make sense.

Still it was surely better not to know than to have any interactions with Effy, right? Especially now that the girl actually seemed to be legitimately leaving her alone. She never even saw Effy in the hallways anymore. The only time she saw her was in their shared classes, and Effy would sit in the back and keep her head down, at least whenever Katie entered the classroom. Katie had glanced back curiously a few times and found the girl either looking at her, or sitting there sneering in someone else's direction. Only when Effy looked at other people did she remind Katie of the Effy Stonem that she always expected to see.

Katie found, as the weeks passed, that she couldn't shake the image of the Effy who had been in her house that night. The one who'd looked so young and innocent. The one who'd said that she wouldn't hurt Katie. Apparently she hadn't been lying. Katie didn't know why those things kept sticking with her, pestering her brain.

At least when she was spending time with Cook she didn't think about them as much. He seemed to be the magic cure to all thoughts Effy related, which she couldn't help thinking was a bit odd given that there'd been a time when she'd always connected the two in her brain.

Still, Katie couldn't help feeling like she was a little off these days. It was easy to blame Effy. She'd been doing it so long. The truth was though, that she wasn't sure it was the girl's fault this time. Effy was still fucking with her mind, but it seemed that for once it wasn't intentional. Katie did her best to act normal. Nobody had called her on anything, so she figured she was doing a decent job of putting on her mask of normalcy.

That was until Naomi cornered her in her kitchen one day after school.

"Are you ok?" Naomi demanded.

Katie rolled her eyes. "Of course. I'm fine! Why wouldn't I be? I've got a well fit boyfriend, Ems and I have stopped fighting, and my grades are even up a bit this year," Katie retorted, hoping to mask her deeper insecurities.

"No need to bite my head off. I was just checking. It has been like seven weeks since that party where I caught you and Effy..." Naomi cut herself off at a glare from Katie.

_God, was that really seven weeks ago?_ Katie thought to herself, counting back and realising that the blonde was right. It didn't feel like that much time had passed. Then again, she'd been staying pretty busy, so it really shouldn't have been that surprising.

Katie set about making herself a snack, ignoring the way that Naomi was scrutinizing her.

She froze in her tracks when she realised what hadn't happened in the past seven weeks that should have. Taken in conjecture with what else had happened that night at the party..."Shit!" Katie exclaimed aloud before she could stop herself.

"What's wrong?" Naomi asked, and Katie couldn't help thinking that she sounded a bit triumphant that there was actually something wrong. Katie didn't dwell there were much bigger issues at hand. Much, much bigger issues. Issues that could fuck up her life indefinitely.

"Seven weeks?" she voiced weakly.

"Yeah. Well in like three days," Naomi confirmed.

Katie blanched. "I think...I don't feel well. I think I'm going to go lie down," Katie murmured, more to herself than to Naomi. She slipped out of the kitchen, her half-made snack forgotten. She had to check. There was a Boots just down the road, she'd go there and get a test.

Katie's heart felt like it was pounding out of her chest. This couldn't be happening. It just couldn't!

"Fuck!" she breathed, furrowing her brows and trying to take deep breaths as her feet took her out of her house. How had things managed to get so fucked up so fast again?

She moved on autopilot, barely concentrating on anything. She made sure she shoved toilet paper in the bathroom lock when she got home just so she would be assured the most privacy. The seconds ticked by ever so slowly. She'd done the math on her walk. There was no way that she wasn't. Not really.

Her mouth was dry and her head felt like it was spinning as time continued to pass excruciatingly slowly. She found herself checking her watch every five to ten seconds.

Finally the minutes were up and she took a deep breath before looking at the test.

She closed her eyes firmly, feeling nausea wash over her. She lunged towards the toilet just in time.

That was it, she thought when she was done as she sat on the bathroom floor beside the toilet, just in case. It was real. Now she had to deal with it.


	12. Chapter 12

She was getting better at it. She'd barely seen Katie in weeks. The strange thing was that it practically ached every time she caught a glimpse of the brunette. Only in class was she able to observe the girl discreetly without feeling like she was breaking her promise to stay away.

Still her avoidance of Katie had come at a small cost. Not that it mattered to her. It was worth it to ensure that she didn't fuck up Katie's lie anymore. She spent much of her free time at college chain smoking in the loo and she often gave into the desire to skip the class after she had with Katie. She didn't know why, but she never felt very up to "learning" after seeing her and being around her. She'd failed a recent test as a result. But what did stupid things like that really matter in the big scheme of things? They didn't. So why bother?

She had become vaguely less willing to numb herself with vodka of late which surprised and confused her. None of the reasons that she'd been drinking to begin with had changed, but when she went to grab a bottle these days she saw piercing brown eyes staring back at her and she found she didn't want to take a swig. The fact of the matter was that she couldn't avoid Katie in her mind. The frame of her face, the point of her chin, the brown of her eyes, the curve of her long eyelashes. The way she'd looked when Effy had made her come, lips parted and eyes wild. The way she'd looked that morning at her house, innocent and peaceful. Effy couldn't shake the images, so instead she drew them. The one that she'd drawn that morning after she'd stayed at the Fitch household had since been joined by several more. She'd tried drawing someone, anyone else, but it hadn't worked. She'd tried picturing Freddie's face, she'd once deluded herself she was in love with him after all, but she just couldn't see it as clearly. Effy even caught herself sketch out Katie's profile in pen in the margin of her notebook in school.

She sighed heavily, letting the smoke trail out of her mouth and watching as it spiralled up and away in long tendrils. It felt like free time was slowly killing her. It gave her mind too much of a chance to think, to overanalyse, and without pencil and paper to draw with, her mind wandered even more.

She jumped when the door slammed open. She met startled brown eyes staring at her from just inside the door as Katie froze. It took only a few seconds for Katie to regain her composure and head straight for a stall. It was enough time for Effy to take in the pallor of the girl's face and the red-rimmed eyes for once Effy was positive that she wasn't to blame.

Effy considered getting up and leaving once the door to the stall slammed closed behind Kati, but she found that she was too curious to bring herself to move.

She listened in concern as Katie wretched into the toilet. Katie emerged looking slightly better a few minutes later, not giving Effy a second glance. Katie crossed to the sink and rinsed out her mouth then began to fix her makeup.

Effy watched, unable to tear her eyes away. Effy ran through possibilities that would explain Katie's behaviour, not to mention the vomiting. Katie was the type to stay home if she had the stomach flu, so that was probably out. It could have been something she'd eaten, but they hadn't even had lunch yet and it seemed a bit late for something from breakfast to be affecting her. Effy's eyes widened and she felt knots twist in her stomach as the next option popped into her mind.

"You're pregnant," she heard her voice say flatly before she'd consciously given it permission to do so.

Katie finally turned to face her and Effy was expecting an attack, and for a second Katie looked as if she were going to deliver on that. Instead, Effy watched as Katie appeared to collapse. Her shoulders slumped, her face paled further, everything about her seemed instantly smaller as she sighed, approached Effy, and dropped heavily to the ground beside her. "Would you mind not smoking? It makes me nauseous as shit!" Katie finally said.

"Sorry," Effy murmured, staring at the brunette intently as she mindlessly stubbed out her cigarette on the floor.

"Stop fucking staring at me like that," Katie scolded, though Effy could tell that her words lacked a bit of the bite they normally would've had.

"Sorry," Effy mumbled again, turning to stare straight ahead at the door. "Is it Cook's?" Effy asked after several minutes of silence.

"Who the fuck else's would it be? Not like it's yours!" Katie snapped pointedly.

"Right, yeah," Effy conceded. "Does he know?"

"No. No one knows. And if you fucking tell anyone, I'll kill you!" Katie threatened.

Effy allowed the corner of her lips to quirk up at the death threat, but her face turned serious again when she saw the scowl of Katie's face. "What're you going to do?" Effy wasn't even sure if she was allowed to be asking these questions, but she had to know. Hopefully Katie would keep answering.

Katie's face grew even more tired and Effy noticed the dark bags under her eyes. "No," Katie finally replied, shaking her head. Her voice was soft and strained.

"Do you know how far alo-" Effy started but Katie's answer cut her off.

"Seven weeks," Katie informed her with a pointed glare.

Effy didn't need to do the mental math to know what else had happened seven weeks prior. She remembered it all too clearly. She also distinctly remembered the way that Katie had then run straight into Cook's arms and when she'd seen her again she'd looked thoroughly fucked. Effy guessed that there was no question about the exact date of conception. The thought made her feel sick to her stomach. Then again, she mused, it obviously makes Katie feel ill too. "Sorry," Effy said, mostly because she felt that Katie was expecting it from her.

Katie didn't respond for a few seconds, but when she did, it wasn't how Effy expected her to. Katie simply shrugged.

"Can't fucking change it, can I?" Katie grumbled a minute later. She sighed and Effy chanced a look at the girl. "I'm fucked!" Katie's voice broke and Effy could see that she was breaking inside as well. It was painful to watch.

Effy desperately wanted to reach out a comforting hand to Katie, to put her on the back, to hold her close, to tell her that everything would be ok and she didn't have to go through this alone, but she knew that it wasn't her place. If anything it'd probably send Katie running and she didn't want to do that. Katie clearly wasn't talking to anybody else about this so Effy vowed to herself that she'd try to be there for Katie as much as the girl would let her be.

A second later tears were streaming down Katie's face and Effy contemplated sitting on her hands to resist reaching out to Katie. Instead she focused her energy on seeming like she didn't notice Katie's crying. She knew that that would be what Katie would want.

She was startled a minute later when Katie leaned against her and buried her face in Effy's shoulder. Effy didn't hesitate then. She wrapped both arms tightly around the shorter girl's small frame.

"I can't have it," Katie mumbled many minutes later when her tears had subsided a bit. I mean what the fuck would I do with a kid?"

Effy remembered the way that Katie had taken care of her that night a few weeks before. She couldn't help thinking that Katie might be a rather good mother. She was about to say as much when Katie started talking again.

"But what if I get rid of it and he or she is the only person who could have truly loved me unconditionally? It would have to, right? It would be my baby," Katie's voice cracked.

Effy squeezed Katie a little tighter. She knew that she for one didn't love her parents unconditionally, but she also knew that that was not what Katie needed to hear, so instead she went with the other truth that was echoing around in her head. "It won't be the only person to ever truly love you."

Katie barked out a savage laugh.

"What about Emily?" Effy inquired.

Katie shrugged. "She's a bit too busy off being a lesbian to love me properly anymore."

Effy highly doubted that that was the case, especially since Emily and Naomi seemed to rarely leave her side at school unless Cook was around. The thought of Cook made her shudder, but she suggested him too.

Katie simply shook her head with a wry smile as she pulled out of Effy's grasp and settled back against the wall beside her. "He doesn't love me. He likes me and thinks I'm a good enough shag that I'm worth seeing again."

Effy had seen them interact and wasn't convinced that it was that simple, but she wasn't convinced it was love either. In fact she was happier thinking it wasn't love. "What about your parents?"

"That's not fucking unconditional. They'll probably disown me the second they find out I'm pregnant!" Katie scoffed.

"They haven't disowned Emily for being gay yet," Effy countered.

"My mum practically has. Naomi doesn't come around when my mum's home and as a result Emily's barely there either. When she is, her and my mum live in a silent world of disapproving glances. It's fucking tortuous!" Katie informed her.

"Even though you're ok with it now?" Effy inquired.

"Hasn't made much of a difference," Katie replied. "Though I don't back her as much as I should," she admitted a second later.

"Oh," Effy murmured. She was out of options she could suggest. There was one more in her mind, but it had to be wrong, and she sure as hell couldn't say it to Katie. It wouldn't make Katie feel any better. In fact Katie would just think that she was fucking with her and probably storm off. And it really, really, really had to be wrong. Still, Katie was wrong too. "Ok, so then people you haven't met yet. Katie, someone will love you unconditionally besides..." Effy faded out and indicated generally in the direction of Katie's stomach. She was uneasy with the way it sounded almost like a promise.

Katie wrapped her arms around her stomach and cringed. "I just don't know what to do."

Effy took a deep breath and shrugged. "Whatever you do, it'll be the right decision for you, ok?" Even to her that sounded like a load of bullshit. There was no easy option here. She knew that and she knew Katie knew that. Nonetheless, maybe her words were just something that Katie needed to hear, because Katie nodded gratefully.

They sat in silence for a bit longer and then Katie stood and brushed herself off, as if finally realising who she'd been sitting in the loo talking to. She opened her mouth as if to say something, but apparently she was at a loss for words.

Effy stood too and looked at her intently.

"This doesn't mean we're friends now," Katie finally informed her. "And I'm definitely not going to fuck you again, got it?"

Effy let her lips quirk up into a smile. She almost pointed out that Katie had said "again" thereby actually acknowledging that they'd fucked to begin with, but she decided not to push her luck, so she simply nodded instead. "Right."

Katie was regaining her composure by the second and Effy watched as she put her invisible mask back on, touched up her makeup, and forced the pain and insecurity from her eyes.

"You should tell him. He should know," Effy advised when Katie was about to leave.

Katie hesitated. "Yeah. Maybe." She lingered a second longer and Effy was under the impression that she wanted to say something else, but it never came.

"See you," Effy said, hoping that it would let Katie know that she was around if Katie needed her. She wouldn't avoid her. Not now. Though she'd try to make things as uncomplicated as possible for Katie. She had to.

Katie nodded curtly and stepped out of the girls' lavatory.

----------

----------

Katie was considering giving up sleep altogether. It wasn't like she got much of it anyway these days. She would lie in bed at night tossing and turning, willing her brain to shut off, willing it to just let her forget, just for a few hours, to let her escape, but it seemed unwilling to let her do so. Even when she did manage to drift off to sleep, it was an uneasy sleep filled with unpleasant and confusing dreams. She was having a harder and harder time concealing the dark bags under her eyes. She was having trouble finding the energy to pretend that everything was ok and everything was normal.

Cook was starting to notice, that much was clear. She was pleased to find that he seemed concerned as well, rather than just deciding to ditch her now that she wasn't as much fun all the time. Of course now that she was actually looking for him so that she could tell him, he was proving elusive.

She finally spotted him outside one of the doors at college having a smoke. She took a deep breath and then marched towards him. Effy had been right, she knew. She needed to tell him. He deserved to know.

She'd had trouble believing that the one person she'd confided in was the one person who seemed to like to fuck with her life. Still, Effy had seemed supportive at the time. She hadn't seemed smug. She hadn't had any smart comments about Katie being a slag. She had simply listened and asked and talked. It had been like she was trying to genuinely be a good friend for once. But then again, Effy seemed to be surprising her in all sorts of ways. Showing up at her house that one night. Saying she wouldn't hurt her. Being supportive now. Plus the day after she'd told Effy, Effy had appeared at her locker, and not been stupid enough to ask "are you ok?" but simply smiled at her encouragingly and handed her a cup of tea.

"Chamomile," she'd explained.

It had been remarkably sweet, really. Katie had practically had to pick her jaw up off the floor. Less so when she did it again the next day.

Katie stopped in front of Cook. "We need to talk."

Cook frowned and snubbed his cigarette out against the wall. "That never leads to anything good!" Cook replied.

Katie couldn't deny that, but it wasn't really the point. She'd found him to say something, and she knew she couldn't back out, even though she really wanted to. "Cook, I'm pregnant." She hadn't meant to jump right in like that. She'd meant to ease into it. Remind him about that party where it had happened and everything. She'd had a whole speech prepared. It had obviously abandoned her.

Cook's jaw dropped and Katie could see the deer in the headlights expression in his eyes. She felt her stomach drop. This conversation wasn't going to go well.

"Mine?" Cook asked.

"Of course it's fucking yours!" Katie glowered. How could he think that it would be anyone else's?

Cook nodded slowly. "But you're going to take care of it, right? Like get rid of it or something?"

Katie closed her eyes to fight back tears that threatened to fall. That was it then. He didn't want the kid. If she did keep it, she'd be on her own. "I haven't decided yet," she managed through clenched teeth.

"Katiekins, I can't have a kid! I'm the Cookie Monster!" he tried to persuade her.

"What and I can? I'm Katie fucking Fitch and I'm only seventeen!" Katie shot back.

"Right, so it's settled, yeah? You get it taken care of and then you and me can go back to everything being fun, yeah? Willy waggles here and there!" Cook declared.

Katie rolled her eyes. Did he really think it would be that simple? And sex? Really? Wasn't that what had fucking got them into this mess to begin with? "Cook, can't you just be serious for once? Can you think about something besides sex for like five fucking seconds, please? It's not that easy of a decision!"

Cook shook his head and started to back away. "Katiekins, I like you and all, but I'm not gonna be a dad at eighteen! Not me! I can't do it!"

"Cook!" Katie called after him, but she found that her legs weren't strong enough to chase him down. It felt like someone was pulling the world out from under her.

"Sorry, Katie!" he yelled back, before turning and jogging away.

Katie leaned heavily against the wall, unsure that her legs could still support her by themselves. That was it then. She was alone. And she really couldn't raise a baby alone. She'd been stupid to get her hopes up about Cook really. He was a good guy, sure, but almost any guy their age when faced with a kid would run. And Cook had prime examples in his parents of runners. They both ran from him, abandoned him. His dad especially. Still, Katie had hoped that he'd see what his father had done to him and be supportive to her, that he'd at least contemplate the idea of being a good dad. Of course he hadn't. So there she was, alone. It was time to make a decision.


	13. Chapter 13

She didn't go looking for Effy, but she ended up finding her anyway. She didn't bother putting on a facade as she approached the slender brunette. What was the point? She knew that Katie was pregnant anyway and being as annoyingly all seeing as she was she'd figure out that Cook didn't want any part of it shortly anyway. She didn't even bother to try to wipe away the mascara that she was sure was streaked down her cheeks from the tears that she hadn't been able to stop for the better part of an hour.

Effy was lingering just off of the school grounds, leaning against a tree and smoking and Katie for once didn't hesitate to walk right up to her. It was only once she was standing, staring Effy in the eye that she realised she didn't have anything to say. She didn't trust her voice not to break and she felt broken enough already. Effy tossed her fag aside and pushed off the tree. She reached out and turned Katie so they were facing the same direction and then started to walk, removing her hand quickly. Katie fell into step behind her, thankful for once for Effy's silence.

She took deep breaths as they walked, not paying attention to where they were headed. She didn't really care. She wished that she could walk forever, that her feet could take her away, away from Bristol, away from her problems, away from everything.

She felt her tears dry up as they continued walking aimlessly. She felt numb, in a daze.

"So he didn't take it well," Effy commented softly, breaking the easy silence that had existed between them.

Katie hadn't known that there were more tears to cry, but they welled up in her eyes and once again began to pour down her cheeks. This time there was a different edge to them, though. She felt anger boiling up inside as well.

Katie was vaguely aware of an arm being wrapped around her waist and guiding her a short distance, and then suddenly there were stairs in front of her.

"Come on," Effy encouraged softly, and Katie found the strength to propel herself up the stairs. She didn't bother trying to figure out where they were. It really didn't matter.

Katie found herself in a stark white bedroom. Effy sat her down on the bed, and knelt to take off Katie's shoes. Katie didn't bother to protest. She collapsed backwards onto the bed and let the tears fall over the bridge of her nose, down her cheek until they dropped onto the white pillow beneath her head. She was vaguely aware of being covered with a sheet. She wrapped her fists in it, wrapping it tighter around herself, feeling the cloth practically cutting into her hands, but it felt strangely comforting. Katie closed her eyes tightly and let all of the stress, all of the emotion that she'd been bottling up for a week now, or maybe it was months worth of emotions that flowed out of her as sobs wracked through her body. She hadn't let loose and really cried like this in ages. A small part of her brain suggested that letting Effy Stonem see her like that, see her that vulnerable, was a bad idea, but there was another part of her that thought that if anybody would understand it, Effy would.

Katie stopped thinking and stopped caring and just let her emotions overwhelm her. She felt like they were drowning her, and for once she simply let them.

It was dark before Katie started to stir, verging on midnight. Effy had sat beside Katie on the bed, remaining carefully above the sheets. She had kept her hands entirely to herself for a while, but after half an hour of uncontrollable sobs from the petite brunette, her heart had felt like it was aching for the girl, so she'd allowed herself to stroke the girl's hair. It had seemed to have a calming effect on Katie, who's sobs had turned into soft snores after another twenty minutes or so. Effy had had to smile at the first little snore. It had been surprisingly endearing.

Effy had dozed a bit beside Katie, but her mind had been on too high of an alert to really get any rest. She had been aware, then, when Katie had started to toss and turn a bit more, indicating that she'd soon wake. It was for that she had hot tea and a piece of toast waiting for the girl when her eyelids fluttered open. Katie needed to eat. She needed nourishment. Effy knew that much. It was something innocent enough that she could do for her. Something she couldn't fuck up.

She'd gotten a cup of tea for herself as well, half tempted to add a shot of something extra to it, but resisting. Drinking wasn't going to help Katie, and really that was her only goal right now.

She didn't know when exactly she'd gone from not caring about anything or anyone to caring about Katie Fitch, but there was no point in denying that it had happened. Not anymore. Not right now. That wouldn't help anyone.

"Drink," Effy instructed, handing Katie the cup of tea once the girl had managed to sit up.

Katie eyed it warily. "Is it poisonous?"

"No," Effy replied, allowing a small smile to spread across her lips.

"Shame," Katie muttered before blowing on it and taking a sip.

"You should eat too," Effy added, ignoring the cold shiver that shot down her spine at Katie's response.

Katie nodded absently, like she wasn't overly concerned with her eating habits one way or another. She sipped at her tea, ignoring the piece of toast. A few more sips and she sat the cup down and looked at Effy, scrutinizing her.

Effy squirmed under the brunette's gaze. That was new. She didn't squirm under anyone's gaze, yet here she was, feeling uncomfortable with big brown eyes boring into her brain.

"Why're you doing this?" Katie inquired, voice verging on accusing.

Effy shrugged. What could she say? You've gotten under my skin and I don't want to try to stay away from you anymore? That would hardly go over well, and Effy didn't feel like relinquishing the amount of power that would give away. Not to mention that it would probably make Katie run.

"Are you just trying to fuck with me again? Lulling me into a false sense of security?" Katie demanded.

"No," Effy replied, and her voice sounded shriller than she'd intended it to. "I'm just...repaying the favour you did me," Effy lied. She'd have done it even if Katie had never taken her in that night.

"And why were you at my house that night?" Katie asked, staring Effy straight in the eyes.

Effy had to look away. She couldn't stand the scrutiny. "I don't know."

"Bullshit!" Katie called her on it. Effy watched Katie hesitate out of the corner of her eye, and then a second later she was reaching up and turning Effy's face to meet hers, forcing Effy to look her in the eye. "Well?" Katie said expectantly, almost impatiently, and Effy almost smiled to hear a touch of the old Katie after seeing her so broken before. Apparently the rest and the tea had done her some good after all.

She couldn't smile, though. She felt too trapped by Katie's eyes. "I was thinking about you," Effy heard part of the truth bubble out before she could stop it.

Katie's eyes widened momentarily, and then her lips were on Effy's, pushing against them fiercely. Effy was forced backwards by the force of it. She felt her lips respond before her brain gave them permission, her body crying out to feel Katie's against it. Her brain argued that this wasn't right, that it wasn't what Katie needed, but her arms reached out and wrapped around Katie, pulling her closer. Katie surged forward, pushing Effy back on the bed, climbing over her, kissing harder as she did so, tongue swiping into the thin brunette's mouth, teeth nipping at her lips.

Effy felt more than heard a moan emanate from her mouth as Katie's fingernails dragged up her side, pulling up the shirt dress she was wearing with it.

_This isn't right,_ came the nagging voice in Effy's head even as her body arched forward into Katie's hands. _You're supposed to not be fucking things up! She's hormonal. This isn't what she needs._

Katie's fingers brushed back down her abdomen and Effy felt them begin to tug on her knickers.

_Get a grip, Effy!_ Effy indulged in one last kiss as she rolled the two of them over so that she was on top. She broke the kiss and climbed off of the smaller girl, who protested.

Katie tried to pull her back, but Effy wouldn't let her.

"What the fuck!" Katie growled, pulling away and scooting as far away as she could on the bed, tucking her knees up under her chin.

"Sorry," Effy murmured, fingers touching her tingling lips lightly. She closed her eyes, trying to repress the sudden fire that'd been lit within her.

"What the fuck is wrong with you? I thought..." Katie cut herself off. "What are you trying to even do here?"

"I'm trying to not fuck things up again," Effy tried to explain, moving towards Katie, reaching towards her unconsciously.

"Yeah well great fucking job," Katie grumbled, trying to move even further away and finding herself teetering on the edge of the bed.

Effy grabbed on as Katie started to lose her balance backwards, pulling the girl back towards her. "I'm sorry, Katie. I'm not trying to hurt you."

"I'm not gay, you know!" Katie muttered.

"I know," Effy replied.

"You might be," Katie added, making it sound almost accusing.

Effy did let her lips quirk into a smile then. "I'm not anything."

"Don't you fucking turn cryptic on me now!" Katie growled pulling her arm out of Effy's grip and standing up, turning her back on the thin brunette. "I can't stand it! You were finally fucking being normal...ish and answering questions!"

"Sorry, I didn't mean...I just meant I'm not sure I fit in a box. I'm not gay. I just..." Effy cut herself off. There was answering questions, and then there was adding unnecessary details. Details she really wasn't sure about. "Anyway, I'm not important."

"No wait. You just what?" Katie asked, turning back to face her. "Come on if you're serious about stopping fucking things up, then stop trying to fuck with me!"

Effy scooted to the edge of the bed and stood, tentatively, meeting Katie's eyes against her better judgment. "I just like kissing you," Effy murmured and closed the gap between them, kissing Katie softly. She pulled away quickly though, before her desire overtook her.

Katie didn't pull away, she noticed. "Yeah, well...You're just...Maybe you're not as evil as I thought you were."

Effy let herself smile again.

"Which doesn't mean I like you or that we're even friends, ok? So don't get any fucking ideas! I just don't have anyone else who knows about..." Katie gestured vaguely to her stomach, "and I don't feel up to telling anyone else, ok? Not yet. Not until I decide what to do."

"Ok," Effy agreed. "But you kissed me before."

"Ugh, fuck off! I was just...You looked...It's not like you're fucking a horrible kisser, right?"

Effy smirked. She couldn't help herself.

"Besides, it feels kind of nice to be wanted...by someone," Katie muttered, cheeks blushing an adorable shade of pink.

"Right, well, you should still eat," Effy replied, knowing that to push Katie further in this conversation wouldn't help her.

"Yeah. Thanks," Katie murmured, taking a seat on the bed and reaching for the piece of toast.

Effy could tell just from watching Katie that she was still ridiculously stressed. Then again, who wouldn't be in her position? Effy didn't envy her the decisions she had facing her. None of the options were good. All of them had their price, whether physical or emotional or both. She hoped that Katie would continue to let her be there for her as much as she could.

Effy did her best to distract Katie with conversation (which admittedly had never been her forte. Stress was clearly draining Katie, though, because before long the girl's eyes began to droop.

Effy covered Katie up, then climbed into bed beside her. She closed her eyes and began to allow herself to unwind just a little.

Her last thought before she drifted into a dreamless sleep was that maybe, just maybe, Katie would be ok in the end. That hope was shattered when Katie's cries of pain woke her a few hours later. She caught a glimpse of blood and felt her heart stop. She called an ambulance, and once she was sure they were on their way she raced back to Katie's side, stroking her hair and holding her. "It'll be ok," she murmured over and over into dark brown hair.

Neither girl believed them.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Sorry for posting this chapter again, but a small mistake was pointed out to me more than once, so figured I should fix it.**

Katie stared blankly at the doctor, not really processing his words. She couldn't. The only thing she was consciously aware of was Effy squeezing her hand tightly. The girl hadn't left her side. She'd lied, saying she was her sister when the ambulance had arrived. She'd lied again at the hospital. Katie had never been so grateful for a lie. She'd never been so thankful for Effy fucking Stonem. It was strange how the one girl who had driven her to the brink of insanity was the only person keeping her sane.

"I'm so sorry," Effy murmured when the doctor had left. She'd taken the card of the counsellor that the doctor had held out when it had been obvious that Katie herself wasn't going to take it.

Effy kissed her softly on the forehead and tucked her hair behind her ears. Apparently Katie had a clean bill of health. Apparently she was free to leave. It was over now. Done. Gone. No more choices. No more bad options. The choice had been made for her by God (if he even fucking existed). No more baby.

The pain was over. The bleeding had stopped. And yet, Katie was vaguely aware that somewhere inside she ached. Above all, Katie was numb. She knew that at some point this would hit her, but for now she just wasn't processing anything.

"You'll be ok, Katie. You're strong," Effy told her softly, stroking her hair.

Katie nodded dumbly. She didn't believe it, but it felt like an appropriate response, and Effy had said it with such conviction that maybe, just maybe she was right. She clutched Effy's hand a little tighter.

"Let's get your clothes back on," Effy suggested. "Hospital gowns always make everything seem worse."

Katie let herself be helped into her clothes, not caring what parts of her anatomy Effy might or might not see. It didn't matter right now. Effy wouldn't be looking, not really. She didn't know how she knew that with such certainty, but she did.

She signed out then she let Effy guide her outside.

As if by magic there was a taxi waiting for them at the curb. Katie realised later that Effy must have called it, but at the time it didn't matter.

The driver waited expectantly for them to tell him the address he needed to go to, but Katie couldn't respond. She looked at Effy with helpless eyes.

"Home?" Effy suggested.

Katie shook her head. She couldn't look at her mum and dad right now. She definitely couldn't face her sister.

Effy supplied her address and wrapped an arm around Katie, holding her close. Whatever hesitancy to touch her that the girl had had before in her room, she'd apparently gotten over.

Katie nuzzled into the warmth at her side and closed her eyes. She felt exhaustion wash over her. She was completely drained.

Sometime later, and she was unsure exactly how long, she was aware of Effy helping her up some stairs. She remembered lying down in a bed and then darkness again, overtaking her, swallowing her up and dragging her down, the whole world fading to black.

She had no idea how long she slept, but when she woke light was shining in the window. Her throat felt dry and her eyelids heavy. She was vaguely aware of what felt like dried tears on her cheeks. Memories flooded back to her and a wave of nausea washed over her at what had happened. She'd lost it, lost her baby.

She vomited over the side of the bed and remarkably there was a rubbish bin being held up for her. A tissue and a glass of water were handed to her when she was done.

"Thanks," she murmured as she wiped her mouth, then took a sip of water and spit it into the bin as well before taking a proper sip and swallowing it down, relishing in the cool feeling trickling down her throat.

She finally looked around then, and realised that she was back in Effy's room, with Effy perched on the edge of the bed at her side.

"You've been asleep for the better part of a day," Effy informed her softly.

"Shit!" Katie grumbled. "Emily..."

"I texted her from your phone. I told her to cover for you," Effy replied.

"Did she ask why?" Katie needed to know.

Effy shrugged. "It didn't matter."

Katie rolled onto her back and stared up at the stark white ceiling. "You need some fucking colour in this room."

Katie heard a small laugh from Effy, but it sounded hollow and when Katie looked back at the girl's face, she saw undisguised concern. When had that happened, she wondered. When had Effy Stonem started to give a fuck about her? It didn't seem right.

Effy lay down beside her and took her hand, squeezing it tightly. "How do you feel?"

Katie let out a small bark of a laugh that almost physically hurt her.

"Sorry. Stupid question," Effy murmured. "I just meant physically. Does anything hurt?"

Katie shook her head. Physically there was no pain. Emotionally, though, she was aware of pain surrounding her, waiting to pounce.

"Good," Effy replied.

"Is it?" Katie questioned. It didn't feel good. Nothing felt good. Maybe if there was physical pain she'd be able to deal better. Maybe she'd be able to remember it was real. At the moment it still felt a bit like a bad dream.

Effy didn't answer. She simply squeezed Katie's hand before pulling her own away and stroking her hair. She leaned forward and kissed her tenderly on the forehead.

"Why're you doing this? Why're you being so good to me? We hate each other," Katie pointed out, eyes closing so that she wouldn't have to stare at the judgmentally white ceiling any longer.

"I don't hate you, Katie. I never hated you," Effy whispered into her hair.

Katie felt a tear trickle down her cheek. If she was honest with herself, she'd never truly hated Effy either. She'd tried. God knows she'd tried. She'd been scared of her. She'd disliked her. She'd been angry with her. But she'd never hated her. "Me either," she finally admitted aloud.

"Shhh," Effy shushed her. "Don't worry. There's no need."

Katie turned unthinkingly into the warm touch next to her, taking comfort from it.

Katie felt herself drifting into unconsciousness yet again; being awake was just too much. She was on the verge of sleep when she thought she heard the words, "I love you, Katie," whispered somewhere above her. She didn't have time to think on it. She wasn't even sure it was real.

Effy's heart broke for the girl at her side. She looked so small and vulnerable curled on her bed. She had an overwhelming urge to protect her, to shelter her. She knew she had no right to, but for right now, while the girl lay sleeping, there was nobody else to do the job.

Katie had woken up again a bit later and Effy had managed to get some food in her. She had been rather relieved when the girl hadn't brought up her small (and unintended) confession.

Effy wasn't sure how she'd meant the words, but as soon as they were out she'd known that she had indeed meant them. That fact scared her to death, but right now, she knew that she needed to be as strong as she could for Katie. For all she knew, Katie might push her away completely when this whole ordeal was done. This might be her last chance to be close to the girl, to be there for her, so she'd do it to the best of her abilities. She owed Katie that much. More than that, she wanted to give Katie that much.

She rubbed Katie's back soothingly as tears started to stream down the girl's face in her sleep again. The little whimper that escaped her lips broke Effy's heart all over again.

"It'll be ok," Effy murmured softly to the girl, kissing her damp cheek. She didn't believe her words, but she hoped that Katie would.

When Katie's eyes fluttered open the next time, she saw a change. Katie's jaw was set a little harder too. She didn't need to be told that the girl was heading home now when Katie made her way to her feet. She didn't need to be told that Katie probably wouldn't come back, either.

Effy couldn't believe how sharp the pain hit her at that knowledge was.

Katie opened the door slowly, dreading whoever lay on the other side of it. She couldn't decide if her mother or her sister would be more painful to see right now.

Emily and Naomi sat huddled on the couch watching the telly. It was a good indication that her mum wasn't home.

She didn't look directly at either of them, just made her way to the kitchen to get a glass of water before she could head upstairs to bed.

"Hey! Where've you been?" Emily called out.

"Out," Katie replied, not wanting to go into details.

"You ok?" Naomi voiced.

"Fine," Katie lied.

"We're watching _August Rush_ if you want to join," Emily offered, and Katie thanked her lucky stars that at least Emily didn't seem like she was going to pry at that moment.

Katie shook her head, but glanced at the screen anyway. A young boy was making his way up to a church and music was echoing out of it.

The lyrics drifted across the room and into Katie's head and froze her in place.

"And I gotta be myself because there's nobody else for me," a males strong voice sang out, and Katie felt her knees weaken.

_(Hang in there with me) Sometimes it takes a different kind of love to raise a child  
(So don't give up) So don't give up  
(When pressures come down) Sometimes it takes a different kind of dream to make you smile  
(So raise it up) So raise  
(Hang in there with me) Sometimes we need another helping hand to show the ways  
(So don't give up) So don't give up  
(When pressures come down) Sometimes it seems impossible and that's why we pray  
(So raise it up) We raise_

The lyrics seemed to stick in Katie's very soul, dissolving her from the inside, breaking her down, breaking through the numbness and the shields that had been in place since before the hospital even.

"Seems to be nothing left for me. Momma's gone, Daddy didn't wanna be, and now I'm all by myself, wondering where is love, or should I just give up," a young girl who couldn't possibly have been more than ten but sang like she was so much older belted out, and Katie felt nausea rising in her gut.

"Life falls down on me, cuts into my soul, but I know I've got the strength to make it through it all 'cause I'm standing tall, breaking through this wall, I'm gonna give my all," another woman sang out, and Katie felt a sob wrack through her body.

She felt broken. How the hell could she stand tall? How could she give her all? She'd lost her child, and innocent soul. There would be no kind of love to raise her child. It was gone. She'd never even know if it would have been a boy or a girl.

"Katie," Naomi said in shock, and Katie became aware of tears that she hadn't even known were falling suddenly streaming down her face.

With the last strength left in her body, Katie turned and ran up the stairs. She collapsed onto her bed as sobs wracked through her, shaking her entire body. She could barely catch her breath as she wept.

She should have known better than to hope that she wouldn't be followed, but it wasn't the person she expected who knelt by her side first.

"Katie," Naomi's voice murmured softly.

"Go away," Katie growled.

"I can't do that," Naomi replied.

Katie rolled over so that she could see Naomi and she glared at her. "Why the fuck not?"

"Because Emily will be up in a few minutes with some tea, and I convinced her you're probably having like sex problems with Cook that she doesn't really want to hear about, but I saw Cook yesterday and he looked fucking pale, so I'm going to give you a chance to tell me what's really wrong. If I don't have anything to tell her, she's going to question you herself." Naomi answered.

Katie sighed and closed her eyes as she rolled onto her back, replaying the words to the song she'd just heard in her mind. She felt them pierce through her even more.

The only person who knew the truth was Effy Stonem, girl who'd hit her over the head with a rock. Would the second person to know really be the girl who's life she'd made miserable for years?

But then, Naomi had apparently forgiven that. In fact, she'd been nothing short of wonderful this year. She'd made an effort to reach out, to be there, and she'd never pushed. She'd been remarkably supportive.

Besides, Katie knew now that she couldn't keep this inside, and while she wasn't sure about Emily, she thought that maybe Naomi wouldn't judge.

"I had a miscarriage," Katie choked out the words.

In a second, Naomi had pulled her into a hug, wrapping her arms so tightly around her that Katie couldn't help wondering if she'd ever let go. Katie hugged back, clinging to Naomi as the tears continued to fall from her eyes onto some floral monstrosity that normally Katie would've made fun of.

"No wonder Cook looked like death warmed over," Naomi murmured, but Katie shook her head.

"He doesn't know. He still thinks I'm pregnant," Katie corrected.

Katie felt Naomi nod into her shoulder. Naomi held her silently for a minute, before saying, "Is this why you were so freaked when I said it'd been seven weeks since that party?"

"Yeah," Katie admitted.

"So it happened the same night you and Effy…" Naomi began.

"Shut up!" Katie warned.

Naomi squeezed her a little tighter as if to say that whatever the answer, it didn't matter. Katie found herself clinging even harder to Naomi as she buried her face in the blonde's shoulder.

"So where have you been the past few days?" Naomi inquired after a few moments.

"With Effy," Katie replied, bracing herself for some smart ass comment, but one never came.

"Good," Naomi said instead. "I'm glad you weren't alone."

Katie found herself crying harder again.

"And for the record, you're not alone now, ok?" Naomi added. "I'm here for you. Emily's here for you. We love you, Katie."

Katie tensed at the words. She and Naomi were barely friends at the best of times, and yet here she was acting like the best friend in the world. At that moment she could feel the love pouring out of Naomi though, and for once she felt it back. A sob wracked through her body in response to the overwhelming emotions. "I can't tell her, Naomi."

"I'll tell her, but you know she's not going to leave your side once she knows," Naomi warned.

"I know," Katie replied through another choked sob.

"Katie?" Emily's tentative voice came from the doorway.

Katie looked up through bleary eyes and saw Emily, practically on the verge of tears herself, holding out a cup of tea with a shaky hand.

Katie pulled slowly away from Naomi, who placed a kiss firmly on her forehead.

"We'll be right back," Naomi promised.

Katie nodded mutely and took the cup of tea that Naomi took out of Emily's hand and handed to her.

"But…No! I have to talk to her!" Emily protested as Naomi began to guide her from the room.

"In a minute. I just need to talk to you first. Trust me," Katie heard Naomi say in a steady voice as they disappeared down the hall.

Katie took a small sip of the hot tea then set it on her bedside table, pushing makeup that cluttered it carelessly out of the way.

She lay down on her back again in anxious anticipation. She knew that Emily would be in tears when they got back, and Katie still hadn't been able to stop the tears that were being shed from her own eyes.

It didn't take long before Emily burst back into the room and threw herself down on her sister, wrapping her in a hug and holding her close, weeping into her chest.

"I'm going to go. I think you two need some time," Naomi murmured awkwardly from the doorway.

Katie simply nodded.

Naomi approached cautiously and kissed Emily on the back of the head and then Katie on the forehead again. "I'm just a phone call away, and I'm here if you need me," she offered.

"Thank you," Katie croaked in response, tears choking her up too much.

Naomi smiled kindly, nodded, then disappeared out the door.

Emily climbed more fully in the bed with Katie and they turned in towards one another, placing their foreheads together. No words needed to be spoken between them as they clung to each other and cried.

Katie couldn't believe that she'd tried to go through any of this without her twin at her side, because right then, at that moment, she felt more whole and more loved than she had since the entire ordeal had started. Emily didn't judge her, she loved her unconditionally. Katie knew in that instant that Emily would be the start of her real healing.

Katie breathed in a deep ragged breath.

"I love you, Kay," Emily breathed in a shaky voice.

Katie let out the breath in a sob and held her sister even tighter. She'd never felt the words be truer.


	15. Chapter 15

Effy went to school the next day in hopes that she'd see Katie. She'd worried all night. She wasn't even positive that Katie had made it home ok, or even that she'd gone home at all. She had no right to call to find out. She had no right to check on her. On top of that she was aware that the more hovering she or anyone else did, the less alright Katie would probably be.

It didn't take Effy long to figure out that Katie wasn't there. Emily either for that matter, which Effy decided was a good sign. It probably meant that Emily was with Katie, and Katie could certainly use that support right now.

Still Effy couldn't fight the longing inside of her to just see the girl, to know that she was ok, or well, not ok, because Effy knew that she wouldn't be. Not just yet. But she wanted to know how well she was doing, if she was starting to deal, to cope. If she was starting to heal.

She caught sight of Naomi towards the end of the day and the drained look on her face let Effy know that she was probably aware of the situation as well.

She was thankful when she made it through the day without seeing Cook. She wasn't sure she could face him and resist the urge to slap him. The doctor had suggested a couple of reasons for Katie's miscarriage at the hospital, but the one that had stuck in the forefront of Effy's mind had been stress. She was well aware that she was probably the cause of some of it, and guilt had washed over her, but Cook shouldered some of the responsibility for Katie's stress as well. If he had reacted like a man (the man that Effy knew he could be) rather than a coward, then maybe Katie wouldn't have...But then she'd still be stuck between a rock and a hard place, trying to decide what to do about it.

Effy leaned back against the building and inhaled deeply on her cigarette, letting the nicotine flow through her like a welcome poison. She hadn't taken a drink since Katie had told her she was pregnant, but now that it was clear that her part of helping Katie (if she'd really managed to do that at all) was over, she was losing her resolve not to. Why bother, right? As long as Katie was ok, that was what mattered.

"She's...Well, she's bad, but I think she'll be ok," Effy heard a soft voice murmur from beside her.

She opened her eyes and turned to face Naomi. "Why're-" she began to say, but Naomi cut her off.

"Thanks, for taking care of her. She'd probably never say it, but she appreciates it," Naomi offered.

Effy swallowed down a lump that rose in her throat. "Fag?" she asked, holding out her pack to Naomi who took one and lit it.

"Emily's with her?" Effy inquired, unsure of just how many answers Naomi would give her, but still, the girl had sought her out.

"Yeah. She wasn't up to coming to school just yet. She doesn't want to see Cook. Or anyone really, but him specifically I think," Naomi replied.

Effy nodded softly. "And me," she added, almost to herself.

She felt Naomi studying her for a second. "You really love her," Naomi said, sounding surprised.

Effy didn't reply. Then again, from the look on Naomi's face, she didn't have to.

"Wow!" Naomi finally breathed out heavily, and leaned back against the wall. "I never thought...I mean I knew at that party after you two had...I saw the hurt on your face, but I just thought...You really love her." Naomi paused and took a deep drag on her cigarette. "Well I guess that works in a kind of ironic, really fucked up kind of way."

"Shut up," Effy sighed, but there was no vehemence behind it and Naomi smirked back at her. "She's special," Effy finally murmured.

Naomi didn't say anything for a few seconds, but then she nodded. "Yeah. She is."

It was Effy's turn to look surprised. She'd been aware of the relationship between Naomi and Katie growing and changing, but not to this extent.

"And right now she's hurting, and because of that, and certain other things, I'm guessing that you're hurting too," Naomi surmised, and Effy couldn't deny the validity of the statement. "I don't think she'd really mind if you wanted to stop by."

Effy laughed hollowly. "Emily would kill me even if Katie actually wanted to see me, which she doesn't."

Naomi opened her mouth as if to protest, but then she simply shrugged. "I'll update you soon," she murmured, twisting out her cigarette on the wall before sauntering away.

"Thanks," Effy breathed to empty air a minute later. She took a deep breath and flicked her own cigarette away. Was Naomi right? Would Katie really be ok with her stopping by? Effy shook her head. Not possible. She'd seen the goodbye in Katie's eyes when she'd left her house. Katie needed time to heal. Time away from Effy. Effy knew she was no good for anybody.

She'd stay away. She'd give Katie space. She'd make do with whatever information Naomi decided to share. It would be enough. It would have to be.

"Well your mum seemed less than thrilled to let me in," Naomi announced as she entered the twins' bedroom. "Really, you'd think I was here to poison you."

Katie managed a small laugh. The last two days had been surprisingly therapeutic. She and Emily had gone for long walks, just talking, catching up, letting each other really get to know each other again. She had felt more fully than ever that she and Emily were truly back to being twins.

Naomi had been rather amazing too, she reflected. She'd shown up before classes, going to college late, coming over after college, and risking encounters with the twins' mum, just to be there for her. And Katie was aware that she really was there for her, not just for Emily. It was nice to know. She wondered how exactly she'd thought that they hadn't actually been friends all year, when obviously they had to an extent.

"So I had to stop by home today because my mum was complaining that she never sees me anymore. Anyway, I explained that I was helping a friend who was upset, and so she gave me this, wanted me to pass it on to you." Naomi handed over a small bundle of something wrapped in cloth. "It's herbs of some kind. Supposed to help you relax and heal or something. Put it in your pillowcase or something I think she said."

"Crazy hippie shit," Katie muttered, but she smiled softly as she sniffed it. It wasn't a bad smell. There was a hint of lavender among other things, so she placed it just inside her pillowcase where it wouldn't actually interfere with her comfort at all.

Naomi laughed lightly and sat down on the edge of Katie's bed. Katie watched as Emily and Naomi exchanged smiles. She could see the love between them, and felt a pang of pain within herself. She wanted that. With her recent loss, the lack of love like that was especially acute. Nonetheless, there was no reason for them to suffer on her account. "Fucking kiss already," she grumbled, rolling away so that she wouldn't have to watch.

She looked out the window and tried to convince her brain that it hadn't briefly turned to thoughts of Effy.

"So..." Naomi muttered a few minutes later, clearing her throat uncomfortably.

Katie turned back to face them. "Yeah?"

"Don't hate me," Naomi said, "but I ran into Cook today..."

Katie shuddered at the name. She knew deep down that it wasn't entirely his fault. It had taken two to tango to begin with and if she hadn't made certain decisions earlier that night then she wouldn't have been quite so careless later. She couldn't detach him from the situation though, and his reaction had caused her so much stress...She didn't blame him outright for the miscarriage, but she couldn't help but wonder if it hadn't contributed. She definitely couldn't even think about seeing him.

"...and he looked like shit, and I thought...I didn't think you should have to deal with him, but I thought he should know..." Naomi started to falter.

Katie closed her eyes tightly and nodded. She took a few deep breaths and tried to fight of the icy hands gripping at her heart. "No. He should. Thanks."

"He's pretty broken up, and he wanted me to tell you that he's sorry," Naomi added.

Katie couldn't help thinking that the word "sorry" had never sounded hollower, but she knew that Cook probably meant it. He didn't say it lightly. It was just that the word itself, in a situation like this, felt so meaningless. "Right."

Katie caught Naomi glancing nervously at Emily before continuing. "And I saw Effy yesterday...and again today," Naomi paused and looked at Katie, but it was Emily who spoke next.

"Why would you bring that up with her? And now??" Emily demanded irately.

"Ems, it's fine," Katie countered softly, but it made Emily back off, though her brows remained furrowed. Katie turned to Naomi expectantly. She had felt something in her gut flip when Naomi had mentioned Effy. She didn't know what it was, but she did know that she was curious as to what the blonde might have to say about her. With the closeness that she felt to Emily right now, she didn't care what her twin found out with regards to Effy. It was stupid to try to shut her twin out of parts of her life.

"She's worried, but I let her know you're, well...I let her know how you're doing," Naomi informed her.

"Thanks," Katie murmured.

"What? Why are you...Ok, what else don't I know?" Emily demanded.

Katie took a deep breath and tried to explain, though she couldn't bring herself to admit her...indiscretion with Effy aloud, and therefore left out the subsequent kisses.

Emily was still frowning at the end of Katie's tale. "I don't get it. Why would you go to her instead of me?"

Katie turned to Naomi helplessly, but Naomi just shrugged.

"It wasn't as if I sought her out and was thinking 'Oh I have to tell Effy'! I ran into her when I wasn't feeling so great and she figured it out. You know how she is: always annoyingly observant!" Katie pointed out.

"Only with you these days," Naomi muttered under her breath, but Katie heard it and glared.

"But, Kay, after everything she did to you..." Emily protested.

"I think...She's different. We're kind of past it or something. Look I don't know, ok, except that she was there for me and," Katie swallowed hard, "she's been a pretty good friend recently." It felt odd using those words to describe Effy Stonem, even though, with regards to the last week or so, they were exceptionally true. Her brain hadn't quite caught up with the change in circumstances and was having trouble thinking about Effy in a friendly context.

Emily shook her head. "I don't get it. She left you for dead last year."

"And she helped her tremendously this week," Naomi interjected, putting a comforting hand on Emily's arm.

"Ems, I know why you don't like it, and why you don't trust her, but honestly? I owe her, and, God knows why, but I don't mind it. She's..." Katie faded out. She didn't actually have an end to that sentence. She felt conflicted about Effy. She felt confused. Right now, she didn't need any more issues in her life, so she wasn't dealing with it. The idea of Effy worrying about her though...It almost made her smile.

"I told her she should stop by sometime," Naomi said, staring pointedly at Katie.

Katie knew better than to ask why. Besides, the idea didn't sound that horrible. "Oh. That might be...nice, I guess."

Naomi smirked slightly and Katie had the feeling that there was potentially another one on one chat with the blonde in her not too distant future.

Katie glanced at her sister and decided that a change in subject was in order, so she decided to announce something that she'd been considering more or less nonstop in the back of her mind for the past few days. "I think..." Katie stopped and cleared her throat. She had just about convinced herself that saying this...doing this wasn't admitting weakness, but she was still finding it a bit difficult. "I think it would be a good idea if I saw a counsellor of some sorts." Katie glared at Naomi daring her to make a crack, but again the girl surprised her.

Naomi shot her a genuine smile. "It might be good."

"Because of the..." Emily swallowed hard and Katie knew that she was unsure if she should really say the word "miscarriage".

"Because of everything. I just think it might be a good idea," Katie replied.

Emily nodded and wrapped her sister in a tight hug. "Whatever you need, Kay."

They hugged in comfortable silence for a minute before Naomi cleared her throat.

"I don't know about you two, but I could use a different kind of relaxing herb," Naomi murmured, pulling out a small bag with two rolled spliffs in it.

Katie cracked a grin. "Hippies," she teased again.

"You love us!" Naomi winked.


	16. Chapter 16

She had been more than startled when Emily had nervously sidled up to her at school the day after Naomi had talked to her. She'd been outside having a fag again and Emily had taken a deep breath and then stood rather bravely straight in front of her. Effy had been so shocked that she'd neglected to ensure that her mask was in place. And then there had been those familiar brown eyes looking up at her and though they had a different twinkle in them than Katie's they were similar enough to make Effy's heart rate increase.

Emily had cleared her throat in obvious discomfort and Effy had caught the rise and fall of her chest as she'd taken a deep breath. "Thanks, I guess," Emily had finally ventured.

Effy hadn't been able to control the way that her mouth fell open in surprise.

"Katie told me what you did for her, so thanks...for being there for her," Emily had elaborated when it had become obvious that Effy wasn't going to respond.

"Oh," Effy had managed softly. "You're welcome," she'd added as almost an afterthought.

Emily had nodded sternly and Effy had seen the girl struggle with whatever she wanted to say next. "Naomi thinks that you should stop by and visit Katie, and..." Emily had cleared her throat again and Effy had wondered if maybe Emily had been trying to convince herself of her own words, "I think it might be nice. She seemed...ok with the idea, and she could use another friend right now."

Effy had known that shock had been evident on her face but she hadn't cared. "Right. Thanks." Effy had taken a deep breath and made a decision right then and there. If Emily had said it, Emily with the big brown eyes who almost elicited more guilt in Effy at a quick glance than her sister did these days thanks to her still scarlet hair so reminiscent of the Katie from Gobbler's End, if she had extended the invitation, then it must be genuine. "I'll stop bu."

"My mother gets home from work at 5:30 today," Emily had informed her and Effy had understood the implicit indication that she shouldn't be there when their mum got home.

Effy had nodded simply and Emily had nodded back, then turned on her heels and started to walk away.

"You don't trust me, do you?" Effy had called out, curious as to why Emily would speak to her at all given that fact.

Emily had stopped and swivelled around to face her again with a shrug. "Naomi and Katie seem to."

Effy had marvelled at Emily's ability to have such faith in the opinions of other people. "I don't want to hurt her," Effy had offered, though she hadn't been completely sure why.

Emily had frowned, then nodded curtly. "Next time, just fucking call me, ok? She's my sister!"

Effy's eyes had widened in realisation then. Most of Emily's current animosity had been because she thought that Effy had tried to keep them apart when Katie had been in need. Obviously she hadn't called her at Katie's request, but there was no need to hurt either of them by pointing that out. "Ok. Sorry," she had simply replied instead. She'd watched Emily walk away, then had stubbed out her cigarette and headed away from school without looking back.

Now she stood in front of Katie's house considering how so much had happened since the last time she'd found herself there and yet she felt no better about the idea of imposing on Katie. She didn't deserve to be Katie's friend, not that she could bring herself to stay anymore apparently. The last time she'd seen her it had been different. Katie had thought she had no one else and she had needed someone. Now she was surely aware that she had Naomi and Emily at the very least.

Effy was starting to think better of her determination to see Katie. Surely the girl would be better off if Effy could just find the strength to disappear again.

A knocking sound from above caused her to look up. Apparently leaving was no longer an option as Katie was staring down at her with an expectant look on her face.

Effy felt her heart start to beat a little harder and took a deep breath before she took the remaining five steps to the front door and tried the knob. It was unlocked. She stepped inside and latched the door behind her. She walked softly up the stairs and stopped just outside the twins' room. She took another deep breath and opened the door.

Effy felt her heart skip a beat when Katie's tentative smile greeted her.

Katie felt instantly better in Effy's presence, though the truth was that she really hadn't felt all that bad so far that day. She'd made an appointment with a counsellor for Friday afternoon (because she was under no delusions that she might have a normal social life again anytime soon; she wasn't ready to date, that was for sure), and knowing that she was going to get some other outside help had almost seemed to help her heal as well, as if it had lifted a specific burden off of her shoulders.

She'd also had rather a lot of time to herself to think. It had been quite...productive, she supposed was the right word. She'd had what felt like several minor epiphanies regarding such issues as her priorities, her friendships, and sexuality (hers and others).

"Hey," Katie greeted Effy softly.

"Hi," Effy replied, obviously a bit nervous.

"Nice of you to visit," Katie smiled at her.

Effy shrugged and Katie couldn't help thinking that it looked almost indifferent, but the gleam in Effy's eyes (which were glued to her own), indicated otherwise. "Emily and Naomi both suggested it might be a good thing for me to do."

"Emily?" Katie asked in surprise. Her sister had definitely been less than thrilled during the conversation about Effy the day before. It warmed her heart to know that her sister loved her and trusted her enough to make an effort with the thin brunette.

Effy nodded. "She doesn't like me much."

Katie let out a small laugh. "It's not like she doesn't have her reasons for it."

"No, she definitely has reasons. Valid ones," Effy agreed, and Katie thought that perhaps there was a bit of a message, a question perhaps, in Effy's response.

"You going to stay hovered by the door? I don't bite," Katie teased. She was rewarded with a small smile quirking up at the corners of Effy's mouth.

"Not sure I believe that," Effy countered, moving further into the room and taking a seat on Emily's bed.

Katie felt a blush creep up her neck to her cheeks as she remembered exactly why Effy might not believe that. She recalled that there were times that she did bite...Effy at least. "Well we're hardly about to have sex again, are we?" Katie pointed out and she could tell that she'd astonished Effy a bit by her directness. What was the point of playing twisted little games though? What was the point of pretending things didn't happen when they so obviously had? Katie still didn't know the reasons behind that night, but she was through pretending that it hadn't happened. She was working on being through resenting it for happening, but given recent events that it had led to, she knew that it would take a bit of time for that.

"No. Apparently not," Effy finally managed.

It was Katie's turn to be somewhat surprised by the "apparently not" as if the decision was entirely hers; as if Effy wouldn't mind if they did, as if she wanted it even. Then again, Effy had admitted enjoying kissing her. Still, kissing and having sex were two very different things and Katie, for one, was not convinced that the latter at least was something that she really wanted to do with Effy again.

Their last kiss had been because she'd needed things. She'd needed to be distracted. She'd needed to be needed. If she were to kiss Effy again, she wanted it to be because she wanted, not needed. She wasn't positive that would happen. Then again it was quite nice having Effy there, and part of her was thinking that the girl in question was too far away, what with being across the room on Emily's bed.

"Come here," Katie beckoned scooting over in her own bed to make room for the slender brunette.

She saw Effy hesitate, but then the girl stood and crossed to her, lying down next to her. Katie noticed that Effy felt a bit stiff as if she was uncertain of what to do. That was such a contrast from the caring Effy that she'd known earlier in the week.

"Alright, what's going on?" Katie demanded.

Effy looked at her in surprise again. "What do you mean?"

"You're acting all funny," Katie accused.

"Sorry," Effy murmured and Katie could tell that the girl was being elusive.

"Don't be sorry, just tell me what's up," Katie requested. She could sense the girl's hesitation.

"Shouldn't I be the one checking on you and seeing how you are and what's going on with you?" Effy countered.

"Sure. After you answer my question," Katie stood her ground.

An awkward silence descended on the two of them and Katie found it easier to direct her gaze towards the ceiling rather than at the girl beside her.

"Are you sure you want me here?" Effy finally murmured, so softly that Katie had to strain her ears to hear it.

"I'd like to think that maybe we can be friends. Real friends. Part of that involves us actually being able to be in the same room," Katie pointed out.

"The other day you claimed that we hated each other," Effy countered.

"The other day I was rather upset," Katie shot back. "Besides," she added in a kinder voice, "I don't hate you. At all." Katie's brain nagged that Effy had also informed her that she loved her the other day, but she decided it was best not to say that. She wasn't entirely sure that she had really heard that anyway, or whether she had dreamt it. "I'd like us to be friends," she reiterated.

Katie felt a slight rush when Effy's hand slid into hers. "We are friends," Effy assured her, then in a slightly less certain tone of voice added, "I hope."

Katie turned her head and kissed the pale girl on the cheek. "I'm not sure I really said this the other day, but I should have, so: thank you, for everything you did for me. It means...Well, just, thanks," Katie said, staring into piercing blue eyes.

Effy stared back at her and Katie could almost see the repressed emotions swirling in her eyes. There was definite caring there and she could feel it.

"You're welcome," Effy muttered and Katie was shocked to see a slight blush forming on the girl's cheeks.

"You can blush?" she blurted out before she could think better of it. That only succeeded in making Effy blush a deeper shade of red and her pulling her hand away. "I never thought I'd see the day," Katie teased with a smile.

Effy turned her face away and Katie realised that she was still uncertain about being there and uncomfortable with the situation. Katie turned onto her side and reached out, turning Effy's head to face her again. She felt a sudden flipping in her stomach as she stared into Effy's eyes and for once caught a hint of need in them. She leaned forward and brought their lips tentatively together, just for a split second. "I want you here," she added, just to be sure to convey her point.

"Thought you were straight," Effy said a few seconds later, apparently recovered from her short bout of awkwardness.

"I still think I am, but I've realised that maybe labels aren't so important in the grand scheme of thing. Recent events have just...put some things in perspective," Katie explained, lying back on her back and returning her gaze to the ceiling.

"How are you doing?" Effy asked a minute later, voice laced with concern.

"Better. Thanks," Katie replied. "It still hurts...Mentally, you know? Like knowing what I've lost. And there's the nagging worry that it might happen again in the future, you know like if I'm ready sometime in the future..."

"It won't," Effy assured her and reached out and took her hand again.

"Ems and Naomi have been really wonderful though," Katie smiled.

"They love you," Effy pointed out.

"Yeah, they do," Katie agreed, finding herself once again reminded of the words she thought she'd heard escape Effy's mouth a few nights prior. She was having more trouble biting back her urge to question Effy about it this time.

"What?" Effy inquired softly as if able to tell that Katie wanted to say something else.

"Do you? I mean...the other night when I was at your house I thought I heard you...Nevermind," Katie shut herself up, internally scolding herself for asking.

She saw Effy begin to close up again.

"Forget it," she said hurriedly. "Doesn't matter."

Effy's mouth opened as if she was going to reply, but Katie caught sight of fear in her eyes. She'd never realised how expressive Effy's eyes really were about her actual emotions before. Katie wondered if they were always like that and she'd never noticed before (with a few notable exceptions) or if Effy had just recently become more expressive.

"I'm going to see a therapist, did I tell you?" Katie changed the subject before the awkward silence between them could become any more drawn out.

"Really?" Effy's voice came out calm and Katie watched the fear behind her eyes begin to dissipate. "Maybe it will be good. I hope it helps."

"Me too," Katie agreed. "I have to say, it's not something I ever thought I'd do willingly!"

Katie was pleased to see the corners of Effy's mouth curve up into an amused smile.

"It's a bit of a reputation ruiner, after all," Katie added.

"Old Katie Fitch would've cared about that," Effy commented and Katie could hear amusement in her voice.

"Yeah. She definitely would have," Katie nodded. "Guess I've got different priorities now."

"And is that good?" Effy inquired.

Katie contemplated briefly the idea that Effy would be a rather good therapist. She was good at the insightful questions that made a person think about themselves. "Yeah. I think so," Katie replied.

"Me too," Effy informed her softly with a smile.

Katie smiled back and realised that she'd been smiling rather a lot since Effy's arrival. Their conversation grew a bit lighter and was filled with long gaps of comfortable silence. Before Katie knew it, she heard the sounds of other people returning to the house floating up the stairs. It seemed like the time had virtually flown by with Effy.

Naomi and Emily entered the room moments later and simultaneously froze. Naomi was the first to react smirking at the two of them. Katie glared back at her, but it was playful, lacking the vehemence that glares in previous months would have had. Emily, however, simply gaped. Katie followed her twin's gaze to where her hand was still entwined with Effy's. She wondered how long they'd been like that and why she hadn't noticed for a brief minute before she decided that it really didn't matter.

"It's 5:15. Mum will be home soon," Emily finally said pointedly.

"I should go," Effy muttered, breaking the contact between them and climbing hurriedly out of the bed with a grace that Katie realised that she'd seen before but never really acknowledged before. She felt a slight chill in the air now that Effy's warm body was missing from next to her.

"Oh, ok," Katie mumbled, a bit surprised at the suddenness of it all. Still, Emily had a point. If their mother found out that Effy Stonem was in their house, she would flip out and probably call the police. "I should be back in school next week. Can only convince mum I've got a stomach bug for so long, you know?"

"Right. Ok. See you then," Effy replied, and Katie caught a flash of disappointment cross her face. Apparently so did Naomi.

"We were going to drag Katie out of here this weekend as well too. Take her out shopping, given that that always seems to revitalise her. I was even going to let her buy me an outfit that she thinks matches," Naomi rolled her eyes and Katie flipped her off, though she was thankful for the excuse it provided.

"You should come," Katie invited.

"Yeah, maybe I will," Effy consented, she shot what Katie almost thought of as a shy smile in her direction, then turned to leave.

Katie frowned then crossed quickly, grabbing Effy's arm and spinning her, then wrapping her in a quick hug. "Thanks for coming," she whispered into the brunette's hair, then pulled away before Emily or Naomi could make a comment. Naomi especially.

"No problem," Effy murmured back, then said, "Bye," to everyone.

"Bye," Katie said as the door closed behind Effy.

"Good visit?" Naomi asked in an amused tone of voice.

"Yes," Katie replied honestly ignoring the suggested question.

"And you're ok?" Emily asked more hesitantly.

"Yes," Katie assured her. She was too. She was getting there at least. She was starting to consider that Effy was a definite part of the healing process.


	17. Chapter 17

**Sorry for the delay...All of my writings have been a bit stalled of late. I hope you like the new chapter. Please R&R. **

Shopping was...interesting. It wasn't at all what Effy was used to. She didn't spend all that much time putting together her wardrobe. She went to a store and if she saw something she liked, she bought it. She didn't worry about what outfits she might be able to put together with it. She just knew she'd make it work.

Katie, it turned out, didn't work like that at all. Each top she picked out had to have at least two potential outfits in her wardrobe in order for her to even consider trying it on. Effy soon learned that Emily and Naomi's main function seemed to be standing around and commenting on how Katie looked in whatever she tried on. Effy was having trouble figuring out her exact purpose. Katie would hardly appreciate her telling her she looked hot. Especially in front of Emily. Then Emily might get ideas. She found herself shrugging as nonchalantly as possible and saying, "Looks nice" or "Looks good" from time to time.

Katie finally scowled at her and she realised that perhaps she was doing something wrong as Katie marched past her, brushing against her harshly, on her way to a different rack of clothes.

"Babes, if I'd known you were going to be this unhelpful, I wouldn't have invited you along," Katie muttered when Effy approached.

"Sorry," Effy murmured, surprised at the term of endearment leaving Katie's mouth. Apparently the girl had been serious about the whole "friends" thing. Effy had been debating it over and over in her head. She hadn't found a trace of insincerity when she had spent time with her a few days before, but surely Katie would be better off without a friend like her. She needed friends who didn't have the propensity to destroy everything they touched.

Katie turned to her with a sigh and put a hand on her arm. "It's fine, alright? Just...give me honest feedback, alright? I want a new wardrobe, but I still want to look good. Tell me if something makes me look horrible, ok?" Katie requested, and Effy found herself gazing into the girl's big brown eyes.

Her arm burned where Katie's hand touched it, but she didn't dare remove it. "Nothing you've tried on has made you look horrible," she replied sincerely.

Katie rolled her eyes. "So you liked that zebra print top then?"

Effy tilted her head from side to side and allowed a smile to tug at the corners of her mouth. "Alright, it might've made you look like a bit of a tart. But it was hot nonetheless," Effy admitted.

Katie laughed and elbowed her in the side. Effy couldn't help thinking that it was ridiculously good to see Katie laugh like that.

Effy browsed along tops beside Katie for a few minutes in silence, before she decided to just go ahead and ask the question that had been nagging at her brain. "So therapy went alright then?" She knew it was none of her business, really. Therapy was private. Her parents had made her go to enough of it for her tendency towards pyromania that she should know that. She couldn't help wanting to know though. She cared. Katie would probably be better off if she didn't, but she was finding it impossible to turn off.

Katie froze for a beat before smiling. "Yeah. It wasn't bad. A bit awkward at first, you know? I mean it's not exactly easy to pour your heart out to somebody you've just met, is it? I kinda almost wished it was you instead."

Effy looked up at her in shock. Surely Effy had misheard. Or maybe Katie had misspoken. "What?"

"Well, I mean, you know the things that have been going on, and you're good at listening, and these days at least I don't feel like you're judging me..." Katie trailed off, and Effy saw the faint hints of a blush forming on the girl's cheeks.

"I'm not," Effy assured her, bringing her hand up unconsciously to the girl's back as if to comfort her.

"Thanks," Katie murmured, and Effy watched as the blush increased.

She wondered briefly if the girl was aware of how attractive it looked on her. Effy glanced around and noted Naomi raising a curious eyebrow at the two of them. Effy pulled her hand away self-consciously. There was no need to cause trouble in Katie's life just because she seemed to want to touch Katie. (She knew that part of her wanted to touch Katie in much more intimate ways, but she definitely had no right to do that, as her friend or otherwise.)

If Katie noticed the sudden absence of the touch, she didn't show it. "Anyway, I suppose in the long run it'll be worthwhile. The woman was nice enough. Interrupted a few times, which was annoying, but her questions weren't all that idiotic, so I guess it was alright. She seemed pretty open-minded. It's probably good talking to someone who actually has schooling to help with shit like this, you know?"

Effy nodded, keeping her eyes on the rack of clothes in front of her, letting her fingers pick idly through the tops. She couldn't help thinking that some of the things that Katie would eventually need to work through would be regarding her. Things like rocks hitting heads, stolen boyfriends, and, well...Effy wasn't actually sure if Katie would ever admit to another human being what they had done that night at the party.

"You alright?" Katie murmured in a low voice, and Effy was painfully aware of the girl moving in closer to her so that their sides were pressed together.

Effy nodded again, still not looking at Katie, but unable to focus on the various fabrics in front of her. She almost jumped when Katie put a hand on hers, stopping her from flicking through the tops. Katie forced her to face her, and Effy found herself staring into chocolate brown orbs once again. She couldn't help thinking that they were going to be the death of her someday.

"I know that you're worried about me, and that a lot's been going on, but...If you ever want to talk to someone...Well, I wouldn't really mind returning the favour you've done me in listening and being there for me, ok?" Katie offered.

Effy closed her eyes and nodded. "Thanks," she managed to murmur. If only Katie didn't happen to be the one thing she really wanted to talk about. She didn't need to let the girl know that. Katie was dealing with enough without having to worry about unwanted feelings from someone who she only just recently came to consider a true friend.

Katie smiled and turned back to the rack of tops. She pulled one out with a grin. "Naomi! Come here!" she called.

Naomi groaned, but diligently came to Katie's side, and Effy couldn't help but grin in amusement as Katie proceeded to persuade Naomi to try on a rather revealing top.

"For fuck's sake, Emily will fucking appreciate it, alright? It'll make your tits look fucking mint. She won't be able to keep her hands off you. And fucking please don't make me say that again. She is my sister!" Katie requested.

Naomi took the top from her with a monumental eye roll that caused Effy to let out a small laugh. "Funny, seeing as you seem to be trying to get her laid," Naomi replied before dancing out of reach of the hand that Katie swung at her.

"Muff muncher," Katie grumbled.

"You love me," Naomi winked before taking the top off to the fitting room.

Effy glanced at Emily who seemed equally as amused at the exchange. When the younger twin's eyes met hers, however, her face hardened. Emily shot her a look, and Effy could see the implicit warning there. She wasn't to fuck with Katie's head. If only she could get Emily to believe that she didn't want to.

Effy returned her attention to the row of tops and one actually caught her eye. It was simple and black, but had a nice, slightly revealing cut, and the fabric was smooth and satiny. She knew that it would flow over Katie's curves gracefully. She pulled it out thoughtfully and then became aware of Katie peering over her shoulder.

"Try this on," Effy encouraged, handing the top to the shorter girl.

The smile that Katie shot her made Effy melt a little inside. It was dangerous, she knew, the effect that Katie was having on her. Still, she couldn't bring herself to stay away, and apparently, if her behaviour was anything to judge by (and for reasons that Effy couldn't begin to comprehend), Katie seemed to want her around.

"What?" Katie demanded when she was finally sick of the barely restrained quizzical glances Naomi kept shooting in her direction.

They were hanging out at Naomi's for once because Katie had felt the need for a change of scenery and Naomi and Emily had felt the need to be together without the disapproving comments of the twins' mother. Emily was off in the kitchen making a snack.

"Sorry, it's just I never thought I'd see the day that you'd be friends with a girl who you once claimed completely humiliated you, not to mention a girl you've-"

"I'll hit you if you say it," Katie warned. She was alright with mentioning it with Effy, but Naomi saying it, and with her sister so nearby, she was not ok with.

"But, I mean, you have. You know that right?" Naomi points out. "Which, again is not something I'd ever be able to say."

"Of course I fucking know that! I haven't suddenly gotten amnesia!" Katie snapped.

"But have you ever dealt with it?" Naomi probed.

Katie glowered. She must have, right? If she hadn't, she wouldn't want to be anywhere near Effy, right? Except that she never really allowed herself to directly think about that night and that event. Not really. Not in detail. She'd mentioned it in passing, in joke form to Effy, but she'd never really talked about it with her. How could she without it being incredibly awkward? How could she without being reminded of all the things that came after it? "Course I have!" Katie responded, but her uncertainty showed through in her voice.

Naomi raised a skeptical eyebrow. "You need to at some point! I mean your friends with her now. It's bound to come up."

"Why?" Katie demanded. So far Effy hadn't brought it up at all, only she had. There was no reason to assume that she would in the future.

"For starters because half the time you two act more like a couple than like friends," Naomi pointed out.

Katie froze in her tracks. Naomi had to be kidding, right? "What?" she asked, her alarm reflected in her voice.

"Holding hands in bed when Ems and I came home the other day? All the touches and hushed conversations while out shopping? Not to mention, I know you've seen the way she looks at you," Naomi replied.

"She cares. She's my friend," Katie argued. She had seen emotion in those eyes, but it was just caring. Except...Well except for those words that had escaped Effy's lips. Or that she'd thought she'd heard her say at least. And then there was Effy's admission that she'd enjoyed kissing her. And then there had been the compliments while shopping...But it was platonic, right? Katie sighed at herself. Apparently her resolution to care less about her own and other's sexualities wasn't holding up as strongly as she'd hoped. She certainly had no issue with her sister or Naomi anymore, but herself...Then again, in the grand scheme of things, what did it matter who she liked or who liked her? Their gender shouldn't be important.

Katie rubbed her temples, feeling a headache coming on.

"Do you like her?" Naomi asked, and when Katie looked up she saw the blonde's eyes widening in surprise.

"She's my friend," Katie replied without actually answering the question. She didn't really know the answer. All she knew was the way that Effy could make her feel when she was with her, and she had been trying not to think about what that meant.

"Oh my God! You do!" Naomi's jaw dropped.

"Shut up!" Katie growled.

Upon seeing exactly how shocked Naomi looked, Katie groaned and put her head in her hands. "I don't bloody know, alright?"

When Katie peered through her fingers, Naomi was raising a sceptical eyebrow at her. "Well, this should be easy enough to figure out. Do you want to fuck her again?"

"Shut up!" Katie hissed, glancing towards the kitchen to make sure that Emily wasn't coming back yet. Katie let out a deep sigh and leaned her head back heavily against the couch, flinching a little at the momentary pain.

"Well, do you?" Naomi repeated more quietly.

"Don't be daft!" Katie replied.

"Katie," Naomi sighed.

"Look, I don't know, alright? I haven't thought about it! I mean, of course I don't, because she's, well...for starters she's a she, right?"

Naomi nodded. "Last I checked, Effy is indeed female," she agreed.

Katie shot her a glare. Naomi was not being helpful.

Naomi seemed to relent a little. "Look, Katie, you don't have to give me an answer, but don't you think you should give yourself one? You know how she looks at you."

Katie swallowed hard. If Naomi saw it too, then maybe it was real. Maybe the words she thought she'd heard the other night had actually been spoken. Maybe they'd actually been meant. Katie nodded quickly as Emily re-entered the room carrying a tray full of food.

Naomi smiled at her then turned to greet her girlfriend who had set the tray down on the coffee table, remarkably without spilling a thing.

Katie watched as the love practically radiated off of the pair. She felt a longing down in her gut. She wanted that. She knew that much. Did she want it with Effy though? It seemed impossible, but at the same time...She wanted Effy in her life. She knew that too. It had been begrudgingly at first that she'd begun to think that, but now she knew it. The only real question was: in what capacity? Katie closed her eyes for a second and breathed deeply. She'd be her friend, for now. That was probably all she was meant to be. Probably all she really wanted. Probably.


	18. Chapter 18

Katie. There she was. It was strange feeling almost...well, happy having her back at school. Effy smiled a small smile to herself as she grabbed a text out of her locker. Whispers behind her made her freeze.

"Well, I heard someone knocked her up. She's such a slag, I'd believe it too. Stacey told me that her brother's best mate is friends with a guy who's younger brother is friends with her brother, so it must be true," Effy heard the girl behind her conclude. There were muted giggles and Effy felt rage bubbling up inside of her.

"Well I agree she's a slag, but I heard that she's had mono from kissing too many guys at a party. You know she used to date Cook, right? I mean any girl who'd fuck him-"

Effy turned around a malicious smirk on her face, head tilted slightly to the side. "Shut up!" she informed them almost sickeningly sweetly, but with the clear tones of a threat lingering underneath.

The two blonde bimbos who were standing nearby and had obviously been the perpetrators of the gossip looked taken aback.

"Sorry, but who the fuck are you?" one of them voiced after a second.

Effy's smirk widened just a bit. "Oh, you know who I am," she informed them confidently. It was a good assumption. Everyone in the school knew who she was more or less. "I'm the one who likes to hit people in the head with rocks," she said simply.

Both girls paled considerably and she knew she'd gotten through to them. "She's had the flu and she's not a slag. Nothing interesting about it, so why don't you both fuck off and find something else to talk about," she suggested.

They nodded quickly and turned and ran, dodging out of the way of someone who was behind them. Effy glared after them for a second before realising exactly who they'd dodged. She looked up to find Emily staring back at her. Instantly Effy wiped the smirk off her face, taking off her mask, or most of it at least.

She and Emily held each other's gaze for a few seconds. Effy was finding the dark brown eyes virtually unreadable.

After a moment, Emily offered up a small smile. "Thanks."

Effy shrugged, then nodded. "My pleasure."

Emily stepped closer. "You care, don't you?"

Effy swallowed hard. This was murky water she was treading in. "Yes," she replied after a second.

Emily seemed satisfied at that and her smile grew a little more genuine. "Good. I'm glad you're her friend."

Effy couldn't help feeling like a massive weight had been lifted off her shoulders. She hadn't actively been seeking Emily's approval. She hadn't even known she'd wanted it until she got it. She'd never _needed_ anyone's approval before. She'd just done as she pleased. She had no delusions as to why Emily's approval was important to her though. It all came back to Katie. Everything seemed to these days.

"Come on. She's waiting," Emily nodded behind Effy and when Effy turned she saw that Katie was at least studying the two of them.

Effy closed her locker and her and Emily took off down the hallway towards Katie together.

"Alright?" Katie asked when the two of them reached her. A look of concern was being darted back and forth between them.

"Fine," Emily answered with a smile for both of them.

Effy felt a small knot form in her stomach when Katie still looked to her for confirmation. She nodded, and Katie smiled.

"Right, well come on, then. We're gonna be late," Katie said, before grabbing both of their arms and dragging them down the corridor towards their next class.

As Effy settled into a seat behind the twins and Naomi sat down beside her, she couldn't help wondering if she'd actually helped just now. Sure she'd stopped those two girls, but how many comments had Katie heard already that day? She'd been stupid. A year ago she'd have known exactly what everyone was saying before they were even saying it. A year ago she'd watched people more, listened better. Now she didn't give a shit about them (not that she really had then, but it had been...amusing at times). Her not giving a shit had led to this, though, to Katie potentially getting hurt again. _When're you going to stop fucking up, Effy?_ She asked herself.

Naomi elbowed her in the side and she realised that the lesson had started. She opened her text, but Naomi elbowed her again.

When she looked up, Naomi mouthed, "Alright?" to her.

She nodded. This time, it was a lie.

Effy couldn't help waiting for the other shoe to drop, waiting for Katie to remember that she was supposed to hate her, waiting for Emily to remember that she'd fucked over her twin a few too many times. It was almost tortuous, the waiting.

Then again, there were the times when Katie just smiled at her. Or the times when they were alone and Katie slipped her fingers through hers. It always startled Effy, but she liked it. It set her heart aflutter, despite her best attempts to the contrary.

She kept reminding herself that Katie just needed a friend. She couldn't complicate the girl's life anymore by wanting more. Katie didn't deserve that. She deserved to be happy, and it seemed like she was finally getting there. Effy had decided that she'd stick around as long as Katie would let her, but she couldn't help worrying that as the girl regained her happiness and her self-confidence, that she'd realise she didn't want Effy around. Effy couldn't help thinking that she was dragging Katie down a bit.

It was that thought that had made her slip a bottle of vodka into her bag before heading to school.

It was the look that Cook shot her from across the room, one that said very clearly that she was no good for Katie when the two of them had been eating lunch with Naomi and Emily, that had made her sneak a big swig before heading to class.

It was the comment she overheard about how some chav couldn't believe that Katie would even talk to Effy given what the girl had done to her the year before that made her sneak two more big gulps just before the end of the day. The girl was right, really, in the grand scheme of things. Effy knew that none of the things she'd done for Katie that year had made up for the things she'd done to her. Katie would realise that sooner or later and then she'd disappear from Effy's life forever.

Effy didn't want to think about how much that thought actually hurt, so she took another swig as she waited for Katie after school.

Katie smiled as she approached her, but the smile turned into a frown when she was close enough to smell Effy's breath. "Starting a bit early, don't you think?" Katie pointed out.

Effy simply shrugged. "Let's get out of here."

Katie nodded and they set out away from school. Effy could feel the alcohol burning through her system as they walked and it was making her head spin a bit.

"Let's go swimming," Effy requested when she spotted the turn off that led to a nearby lake. She didn't want to go home. She didn't want to be confined in a space with Katie. She wanted to be out with her.

"The water will be freezing!" Katie countered.

Katie was probably right, but Effy wasn't sure she cared. "Just a quick dip," she coaxed, making the turn. Her heart skipped a beat when Katie followed along behind her with a sigh.

"You're crazy, Ef," she grumbled.

Effy didn't reply, but she felt a tightening in her chest. Was that what Katie really thought? Was she right? She took another big gulp of her vodka and offered it to Katie.

"No thanks, babes," Katie replied.

Effy shrugged, took a last sip, and tucked it back in her bag as they reached the water. The lake was deserted, and Effy couldn't help being happy about that. Then again, she shouldn't have been surprised. It was a bit chilly out which meant that the water would be freezing.

Effy grinned at Katie then headed off towards a dock. She began walking along the side of it, putting one foot in front of the other.

"Effy," Katie sighed. "Be careful."

Effy couldn't help wondering why Katie bothered warning her of that. Did she really care? She'd said she wanted to be friends. She acted like it even. When it really came down to it, though, would Katie really care if she disappeared? Effy turned her head to look at the brunette, but she felt her foot slip on a patch of wet dock.

The world felt like it was in slow motion then, as she watched the hard wood of the dock and the dark water of the lake come up to meet her. Pain racked through her head and then through her entire body, overwhelming her senses, as her temple smacked the corner of a plank of wood. She was barely aware of the splash before icy water surged around her, enveloping her, hugging her to it, pressing on her chest and making it hard to breathe as her now sodden clothing dragged her down. The pain in her head was making it hard to think. What was she supposed to do? How was she supposed to get out of here? She tried gasping for breath only to find that she was choking on water. She felt herself sinking lower, and the world around her started to close up. The image of a very concerned Katie flashed in front of her eyes before the entire world faded to black.

Katie jumped in without thinking, panic forcing her into action. She had one thought: Effy!

"Fuck!" she screamed as the icy water hit her skin. Still, it wasn't important. She reached Effy in seconds and grabbed on as tight as her quickly numbing fingers would let her. She pulled Effy out of the water, taking all of her strength for the final pull. Effy felt like a dead weight. Katie felt her heart racing as her panic intensified.

"Effy!" she called the girls name as she gently stroked her face. There was blood running down the side of Effy's head from a gash in her temple, but more importantly Katie wasn't sure that Effy was even breathing. "Effy!" she called again before tilting her head to listen for sounds of breathing, keeping her eyes focused on Effy's chest, looking out for the telltale rise and fall of it to signify breathing. She heard nothing and saw nothing.

Katie felt the panic trying to take over her system, but she knew that that wouldn't help Effy. She'd taken a CPR class with her dad. He'd forced them all to when he'd been renewing his certification the last time. At the time she'd grumbled and he'd informed her that it would be a worthwhile skill to learn. She'd never been more thankful for her father's insistence. She felt for a pulse, and to her great relief she felt one there. _Rescue breathing,_ she told herself. She tilted Effy's head back and lifted chin up. She swiped her finger inside, looking for anything that might be blocking the airway as she'd been taught. Finding nothing, she positioned herself correctly, pinched Effy's nose shut and began the breathing. She had to remind herself to keep her breaths slow and deep. With each second that ticked by she felt the panic starting to grip at her harder.

To her relief after about a minute of the rescue breathing Effy spluttered to life, coughing hard. Still, Katie reminded herself, coughing meant breathing.

Effy sat up and Katie helped her, suddenly again remembering the cut at her temple and wondering if there was any possibility of spinal injuries. Still apart from the blood and the coughing Effy seemed alright. Katie patted Effy comfortingly on the back until her coughing began to subside, then she helped the girl lay back down.

"I'm just going to call for an ambulance," Katie informed her as she left her side.

Effy's hand reached out and grabbed her, and Katie couldn't help thinking that they felt like icicles. It was then that her own chill began to sweep over her. Adrenaline must have been keeping it at bay before, she reasoned. They'd both need to warm up soon or they'd have other problems to contend with. She looked at Effy's face and saw that the girl was about to protest.

"This is not up for negotiations. You're bleeding, you weren't breathing, you had a serious knock to the head, and we're both going to catch hypothermia if we're not careful," Katie told her firmly before reaching for her bag and pulling out her phone.

It didn't take long for the ambulance to get there, but even so, both girls were shivering violently. Katie had pulled an extra top that she'd happened to have in her bag out and was holding it to Effy's temple as best she could to try to control the bleeding, but her hands were shaking too hard and she wasn't sure it was doing much good. She informed the paramedics what had happened to the best of her ability and they back-boarded Effy, securing her neck with a C-collar before putting her on the stretcher and getting her into the ambulance. They covered both girls with blankets and ushered Katie into the ambulance as well.

Katie noticed Effy's hand reaching towards her and she took it, wrapping the cold hand in both of hers and squeezing tightly. She wasn't about to leave the girl. Not for a second. Not after she'd almost lost her.

Katie's eyes widened at that realisation. She'd almost lost Effy. Effy had almost died. Her gut tied in knots and she felt bile rising in the back of her throat at the thought. It terrified her. Effy couldn't go anywhere! It wasn't allowed. She squeezed the hand in hers even tighter.

At the hospital they tried to whisk Effy away, but Katie wouldn't stand for it.

"Miss, you need to be taken care of as well," a nurse tried to point out to her, and while Katie was vaguely aware that the woman was just doing her job, she refused.

"You can treat me in the same room as her. I'm just a bit cold. I'm not leaving her," Katie informed the woman coldly.

The woman looked from one of them to the other and then at their hands, still clenched together and sighed. "And I suppose she's your...sister?"

Katie nodded, going along with the obvious lie, grateful that the nurse was willing to provide it for her.

"Very well," the nurse consented.

Katie heaved a sigh of relief and gave Effy's hand another squeeze. She smiled when Effy returned the squeeze.

Katie was given a dry set of scrubs by one of the nurses and given several blankets to help raise her body temperature. Effy too was changed and the cut on her head bandaged.

Every time that Effy was whisked away for an X-ray or a scan, Katie insisted on going with her. The only time she left the brunette's side was to call her sister and let her know what was going on. She wasn't going to make the same mistake twice with regards to not calling her and filling her in on major events.

Emily promised that she and Naomi would hurry over with a dry change of clothes for both of them, and Katie had hung up and rushed back to Effy's bedside.

Katie was relieved to see that as the minutes ticked by, Effy seemed to be doing better. Colour was returning to her cheeks and now her hands didn't feel quite so cold.

"Good news," the doctor announced, pulling open the curtain. "There's no major damage that we can find, apart from that nasty cut on your head. We're going to keep you overnight, though, just so that we can check your respiratory functions again in the morning and because you have undoubtedly suffered a concussion, so just to be on the safe side..." the man smiled kindly at them both. "I'll have the plastic surgeon down here in no time to stitch you up, and then we'll have you moved to a room," he informed them.

Katie thanked the doctor who left, and turned back to Effy. "Good news," she grinned, relief flooding over her.

Effy smiled weakly back. "Stitches. Seems a bit fitting," she commented.

Katie's hand absently touched her own temple. She hadn't even thought about it. "We'll match," she replied.

Effy's smile widened a bit. "Like twins," she teased.

Katie let out a small laugh. If Effy was up for teasing, then she'd definitely be ok.

She watched as Effy's face darkened and her expression turned serious again.

"What?" Katie prodded.

"Was it worth it?" Effy asked after a moment's hesitation, voice barely above a whisper.

"What?" Katie's brows knitted in confusion.

"Saving me," Effy supplied.

Katie's eyes widened in shock. How could she even ask that? "Of course! How could you...Effy you're my friend! I care about you, ok?" Katie leaned down and kissed the girl's forehead. In truth she suspected that her feelings ran even deeper than friendship, but even now she wasn't ready to completely admit that. "It was the most worthwhile thing I've ever done," Katie assured her, realising once the words were out of her mouth that it was probably true.

Effy studied her face for a second and Katie could tell that the girl wasn't convinced.

"I mean it, Effy," she informed her, staring her straight in the eyes. "Stop doubting our friendship. We're not the same people we used to be. You're worth it, and I know that."

Katie watched as a tear trickled down Effy's face, and she reached out to brush it away. Effy's hand reached up and caught hers squeezing it tight. She brought it to her lips and Katie felt a rush of warmth rush through her as Effy's soft lips brushed against the skin of her hand.

"Thank you," Katie heard a strained whisper a few seconds later.

"It's true," Katie replied with a shrug. Life was precious. She'd learned that the hard way, and today had just been another reminder. Or maybe it had just been the universe's way of reminding her that Effy was precious as well.

**A/N: I'm thinking there're only gonna be two more chapters after this. I hope you guys are enjoying it! Please read & review!**


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: ****Lyrics taken from the B.o.B. song "Airplanes" featuring Hayley Williams from Paramore, and I highly recommend you listen to the song during the scene where the lyrics are mentioned cause it was going through my head when I wrote it! Btw, sorry for posting this twice, but had to add this A/N.  
**

Effy let her eyes flutter open and her eyes were met with brightness. A stark white ceiling illuminated by what appeared to be morning light stared blindingly back at her. She closed her eyes again as pain shot through her head, letting her head begin to process information and events. She was home again, she remembered.

A warm hand enveloped hers and Effy's eyes opened again with a single thought in mind: Katie!

"How're you feeling?" Katie asked, reaching out a hand tentatively to stroke Effy's hair.

Effy smiled despite the pain in her head. "Fucking hurts."

"I could've told you that," Katie replied and Effy felt a pang of guilt until she caught sight of the cheeky grin on the other girl's face.

"Cunt," she muttered, but the corners of her lips curled up into a smile.

"You should get rest," Katie said after a minute, and Effy took in the way that Katie bit her lower lip. She couldn't help thinking that it was cute.

"Isn't that what I've been doing?" Effy asked, letting her eyes close again.

"You need more," Katie argued.

"I've been in bed all day," Effy grumbled, but the pounding in her head let her know that she wasn't about to get out of it.

Katie lay down beside her and Effy felt warmth and comfort rush through her as Katie's intertwined their arms and clasped her hand firmly. "Will you just trust me on this?" she demanded, and Effy knew that she couldn't refuse as Katie tilted her head so that it was resting against her shoulder. Effy moved her head so that it was leaning against Katie's, feeling instantly more connected to her.

"Guess I'm not taking care of you anymore," Effy murmured.

"I can take care of myself thank you very much," Katie replied haughtily.

Effy frowned, but then Katie squeezed her hand.

"But thanks," Katie murmured softly. "Anyway, it's my turn now."

Effy felt three small words forging their way to the forefront of her mind. She couldn't say them though. Not when Katie was being so wonderful. She couldn't scare her off. Not when she herself was still scared of the words. Instead she snuggled towards Katie a bit on the bed, feeling the girl's warmth radiating through her.

Effy felt her head growing heavy as she lay there next to Katie. Her eyelids began to droop as the pain in her head overwhelmed her.

"Oh shit. I forgot. You can take more of these now," Katie said and Effy felt slightly nauseous as the girl bolted up and away from her side.

When she opened her eyes she found a glass of water and two pills being presented to her.

Katie helped her into a seated position and handed her first the pills then the water.

The liquid felt cool running down her throat, and she realised she was rather parched. She gulped down the whole glass and when she looked up Katie was watching her with an amused grin.

"Holding out on the pain killers?" Effy suggested.

"Not intentionally," Katie replied defensively.

Effy once again found herself unable to not smile at the girl before her. They settled back to their previous positions and Effy found herself growing slightly more used to the ache in her head. If she didn't move much then the throbbing subsided and tempered down.

"Babes, I'm not being funny or anything, but this place really needs some fucking colour or something, yeah?" Katie broke the comfortable silence between them a few minutes later.

Effy smiled to herself. "You know, I was just thinking that."

"We should do like a nice green on the walls. Like a peaceful colour, you know? And then can we please make the ceiling a colour that isn't white? Like a cream colour would look so much better," Katie continued, gesturing at the walls and the ceiling, clearly visualising the room's potential.

Effy's smile widened. "We?"

"Well, yeah. It could be fun. Painting your room and whatnot," Katie replied and Effy could tell that she was feeling a bit self-conscious now, since Effy had honed in on that particular word. She watched as a faint blush spread across the girl's cheeks.

"I'd like that," Effy sighed contentedly as she let her eyes fall closed.

"Great. We'll get started next week. You'll be used to the dull ache by then and like ready to pull out your hair with boredom. Trust me," Katie informed her.

"Katie...I'm sorry," Effy murmured, forcing her eyes open just a little while longer.

"For what?" Katie inquired, looking surprised.

"For everything last year and at the start of this one," Effy replied, big brown eyes meeting hers.

Katie squeezed her hand and leaned in placing a small kiss on her cheek. "That's the past, Ef," she assured her.

Effy's cheek was on fire where the girl's lips had touched it, and she brought her hand up to it as Katie's words sunk in. She allowed herself another smile as her eyes drifted closed again. For once she felt almost at peace as sleep overtook her.

"Right, let's get started," Katie said, turning on the radio so that they could have some background noise as they worked. It was a few weeks after she'd intended to start the painting, but college work had started to catch up on both of them. "We're going to need to put everything away and cover everything. Maybe Ems and Naomi could even come help paint tomorrow," Katie mused as she headed over to the desk and started to tidy things away in drawers. She glanced over her shoulder to find Effy nodding slightly as she leaned against her bedroom door.

The song on the radio changed and Katie recognised the first few chords of the song and smiled. She turned back to the desk and continued clearing it. "I love this so-" She froze as her eyes fell upon some papers that she'd unearthed on the desk, the rest of her sentence forgotten.

Her fingers pulled aside paper after paper of sketches, incredible sketches, beautiful sketches, all of her.

_Can we pretend that airplanes_

_In the night sky_

_Are like shooting stars_

_I could really use a wish right now (wish right now, wish right now)_

A strong female voice began to sing the chorus, starting off the song, but Katie barely registered as her eyes lingered on one sketch in particular. She was clearly asleep in it, but the amount of care and detail that had obviously been put into the drawing was incredible. Katie could practically feel the warmth of the rays of light that Effy had drawn into the picture, filtering over her sleeping face. That was when it really hit her, Effy had drawn them...all of them. This was Effy's view of her. Katie was speechless. She looked...well, beautiful in the drawing.

She turned slowly and brought her eyes up to meet Effy's. The slender girl was frozen in place and Katie could see a hint of panic in her eyes.

"Is this how you see me?" Katie asked, voice coming out soft and husky.

Effy nodded nervously.

Katie knew in that instant that the words she wasn't sure she'd really heard just a few weeks before had been not only said, but meant whole heartedly.

In a few quick steps she crossed the room, reaching out and pulling Effy towards her, pressing their lips fiercely together, as the chorus of the song filled the room once more. There was no hesitation in her actions. There didn't need to be. Life was too short. It didn't matter that Effy was a girl, it only mattered that she was Effy and that Katie cared about her and that Katie wanted to do this.

Effy tensed in her arms, and Katie broke the kiss and just looked at her for a second. She saw fear and uncertainty and concern staring back at her from pools of blue. She kissed the girl again, slower and deeper, reassuring Effy with her lips that she was doing exactly what she wanted to be doing.

Effy seemed to relax in her arms, and a second later, Effy was pulling Katie's top over her head, and kissing her back like there was no tomorrow.

Katie tugged Effy's shirt up, exposing the bare skin beneath. She was rewarded with the sight of Effy's pert breasts and a hitch in the girl's breath.

Their motions were frantic and passionate as if they couldn't get close enough to each other as they continued to undress each other before tumbling into bed.

Katie straddled Effy's naked body and stared down at the beautiful girl for a second before lunging forward and closing the distance between them once again, feeling skin on skin. Her body's nerves were on overdrive as each brush of contact between them set her on fire, sending tingles of electricity shooting through her.

She positioned herself above Effy, lips kissing everything on the brunette that was easily accessible: her lips, her neck, her shoulder, her cheek, as she let her hands roam down Effy's smooth, taut abdomen. Her right hand had one specific destination in mind, needing to finish what she'd started so long ago, but just before she could let her fingers touch the wetness that she was sure was waiting for her between Effy's legs, Effy captured her wrist in her hand, holding it in place, freezing them both momentarily.

Katie turned confused eyes on the girl beneath her, and Effy stared back at her with wide eyes. Her gaze was so piercing that Katie felt momentarily overwhelmed. She was about to open her mouth and ask what was wrong, but Effy spoke first.

"I love you," Effy breathed in a gravelly voice.

A genuine smile spread across Katie's face and she kissed Effy softly. "I know," she murmured against the brunette's lips. She was rewarded with a shiver running through the girl's body and Effy's hand releasing its grasp on her wrist.

_Can we pretend that airplanes_

_In the night sky_

_Are like shooting stars_

_I could really use a wish right now (wish right now, wish right now)_

As the chorus of the song began for the final time, Katie couldn't help feeling like the woman's velvety voice was flowing out and wrapping the two of them up and a little cocoon that was just them two, granting their wish. She took a deep breath, and then, staring Effy straight in the eyes so that the brunette would have no doubts about whether or not she was doing exactly what she wanted to be doing, she plunged two fingers into Effy's welcoming folds, curling them up inside of her. Effy's body arched into hers and the brunette's head tilted back as her lips parted in a silent moan. Katie put the weight of her body behind her slow thrusts, pressing against Effy as much as she could so that there were as many points of contact between them as humanly possible, all the while holding Effy's piercing gaze.

Their bodies curved together perfectly, moulding to each other's so completely as Katie continued to thrust. Their lips met again in fierce passion, as their pace unconsciously quickened. They were both breathless as Katie manoeuvred her thumb up to brush against Effy's clit. Effy's arms were wrapped around her, one hand tangling in her hair as the other seemed intent on pulling her impossibly closer. Effy's nails dragged down her back, forcing a low, guttural moan to escape Katie's lips.

In minutes Katie felt Effy clamping down around her fingers. She knew that girl was nearing the edge and she slowed her pace again, wanting this to last, wanting Effy to feel caressed and cared about inside and out. There was no hate between them this time, there was no anger, and she wanted to make sure that Effy knew that. There was no need to rush for fear of getting caught. This was nothing like the last time. It was so much more.

"Katie," Effy gasped, and Katie couldn't help thinking that her name had never sounded sweeter.

Katie kissed her deeply, trying to convey the feelings she didn't feel capable of saying with her just yet. Effy moaned her name again, her breath hot on Katie's lips, the word almost pleading this time. _Maybe,_ Katie mused,_ there was time to take things slow later._

Effy grabbed tighter at Katie, wrapping a leg around her, forcing her still closer as she neared her climax. Katie's fingers felt even better inside of her than she remembered, and what made everything better was the way the Katie seemed like she wanted to be there. Every touch, every kiss, every lick, and every small nip was tender and caring.

She felt like she was dreaming, but another thrust from Katie's talented fingers reminded her that it was real. She'd wanted this for so long: this permission to touch Katie like this, to kiss her, to love her. She couldn't believe that Katie wasn't running, and yet there she was, still above her.

Effy bit her lower lip, closed her eyes and arched up into the petite brunette above her as Katie's thumb pressed a little harder against her clit, sending a spasm through her.

Apparently Katie was enjoying the effect that she was having on Effy, because a small grunt escaped the girl's lips. Effy pulled her down for another kiss. She wasn't sure she'd ever be able to get enough of Katie's soft, supple lips.

"Fuck, Ef," Katie whimpered, and it was all that Effy needed to completely unravel her.

She went crashing over the edge into oblivion, but Katie stayed with her: kissing her, caressing her, riding out the wave with her, bringing her down slowly. She panted into Katie's hair, breathing in the sweet scent of raspberries mixed with a hint of vanilla, combining with the distinct smell of sex and sweat. At that moment she could honestly say that it was the most appealing smell in the world.

She felt Katie's fingers pull slowly out of her and Katie eased her weight to the side as she brought her hand up. Effy watched, completely mesmerised as Katie studied her wet fingers for a minutes, then, with a quick glance at Effy, brought them tentatively to her mouth. Effy groaned as Katie's eyes fluttered closed and a small little hum of contentment vibrated her soft, kissable neck. It was as if Katie was enjoying what she was tasting and that thought drove Effy insane with lust. As soon as Katie's fingers left her mouth, Effy mashed their lips together, rolling them over so that she was lying on top of Katie. When she pulled away, she licked her lips, tasting herself there. A shiver of excitement ran through her at the thought that it was Katie who had tasted her first.

She looked down at Katie amazed at the way those big brown eyes were staring back at her with open want and desire. She kissed Katie's sultry red lips again, tenderly before she began to kiss her way down Katie's neck, taking the time to lick and caress as much flesh as she could as she continued her journey down, across Katie's collarbone and on down her chest, memorising each space as she went.

She heard Katie's breath hitch as she neared the girl's breast and she looked up to verify that what she was doing was alright with her. Katie was staring back at her, chest heaving, and she nodded quickly at Effy's questioning look before Effy wrapped her lips around Katie's erect nipple. She ran her tongue across the tip of it, revelling in the way that it caused Katie to squirm beneath her. She brought her right hand to Katie's other breast and began to tease the nipple between her fingers.

She nipped at Katie's other nipple lightly with her teeth, experimenting with what exactly made Katie react the most.

"Effy," Katie grunted with a frustrated thrust forward, and Effy took the point.

She placed a light kiss against Katie's breast as if promising a later return, and then turned her attention lower, dusting small kisses and licks down the porcelain skin of Katie's flat stomach.

Katie was practically vibrating in anticipation (and possibly nervousness) beneath her touch by the time Effy positioned herself between the girl's spread legs. She glanced up to Katie's face again, but this time Katie's head was tilted back and her eyes clamped tightly closed.

"Katie," Effy's gruff voice murmured.

Effy watched the rise and fall of Katie's perfect chest as the girl took a long, slow breath.

"Katie, look at me," Effy requested. She needed to know that this was what Katie wanted.

Effy took in the way that Katie's throat appeared to elongate for a second as she swallowed hard. A moment later Katie's head tilted back down and dark brown eyes blazed into hers.

"Ef, please," Katie whimpered.

Effy nodded ever so slightly before leaning in and taking her first taste, running the flat of her tongue up the folds of Katie's pussy, never once breaking their gaze.

She fought to keep her eyes trained on Katie's as the intoxicating taste on her tongue hit her senses. She licked again, slower, probing further as Katie quivered beneath her.

Effy needed Katie to know it was ok, that everything was ok, that she wasn't going to hurt her, and when Katie's eyes fluttered closed and her head knocked back, Effy felt the need for a different connection between them.

She reached one hand up clambering around until it found Katie's and clasped it hard. Katie gripped back just as tightly and Effy knew that they were doing this together.

She let her eyes drop to Katie's cunt and her breath hitched at the beauty she saw there. She wanted more. She leaned in again, licking and caressing softly, then a bit harder, more confidently as Katie arched into her mouth, her body responding eagerly. She hummed against the girl's clit and was rewarded with Katie's free hand tangling in her hair, pushing her in closer. _As if I was going anywhere,_ Effy thought to herself. She couldn't get enough of Katie, of her taste and her smell and just everything about her.

She could tell by the way that Katie moved against her that she needed something more, so she concentrated her licks on the girl's clit and manoeuvred around so that she could work two fingers inside of Katie as well. Katie groaned deeply and Effy grinned to herself, knowing that she'd done the right thing. She continued working her fingers in and out, all the while licking sharp circles around Katie's clit, occasionally nipping at it softly with her lips, causing Katie to buck up further into her mouth.

In mere minutes, Katie's pussy was clenching around her fingers, her hand squeezing Effy's so tight that she thought it might break, though in truth she couldn't have cared less at that moment.

"Fuck, Ef," Katie gasped over and over as she orgasmed intensely, and Effy had never heard sweeter words roll off the girl's tongue. She had completely unravelled Katie, but it hadn't been about power or anger or anything else this time for either of them, and that meant that she'd be allowed to patch her back together once she'd come back down.

Effy slowed her movements as Katie's body relaxed, until she felt Katie's hand untangle from her hair. She extracted her fingers and sucked Katie's juices off of them, savouring the taste, before placing a last gentle kiss on Katie's clit.

She kissed her way lazily back up Katie's body, but when she grew close to her lips, Katie pulled her in passionately once more.

When they breathlessly broke apart, Effy turned concerned eyes on Katie's face.

"You ok?"

Katie rolled her eyes and smiled back at her so radiantly, Effy almost found it blinding. "I'm better than ok, you twat," Katie murmured affectionately before wrapping Effy in a tight embrace.

Effy let out a low chuckle as she settled into Katie's side and began to rub absently trace circles on Katie's taut stomach, feeling the thin sheen of sweat that she knew she'd helped work up there.

Katie pulled her closer for a tender kiss then, and Effy felt love well up inside of her.

"I love you," she said for the second time that day, finding it less scary each time the words escaped her lips.

Katie kissed her again softly. Effy didn't need her to say it back. Not when she had the girl's naked form next to her.

They lay in a comfortable silence for a while, simply holding each other close, letting the previously forgotten music from the radio filter back into their ears.

Eventually, Katie broke the silence between them. "Ok, but tomorrow, we really need to get started on this room. Bright white is just not a good post-coital colour to stare at."

Effy smiled against Katie's neck and placed a light kiss there. "Whatever you say, Katie," she murmured. It felt like a promise.

**A/N: Second to last chapter, folks! Hope you enjoyed it! Just a few loose ends to tie up. Please R&R! **


	20. Chapter 20

It was funny, Katie reflected, how big a part of her life Effy had come to fill, given that she'd once wished that the girl would disappear from it completely. She spent most of her free time either at Effy's or with Effy these days, much of that time spent engaged in acts that would undoubtedly make her mother's head explode. She didn't care though. Her mother just couldn't see the bigger picture. Katie wasn't sure how she'd gotten as old as she was without realising how important it was to do what makes you happy because life's just too short to do otherwise. Maybe she'd have a chat with her mum one of these days and try to explain.

Katie looked up into the piercing blue eyes that were examining her and sighed contentedly. _Then again, maybe not._ Why spoil a good thing. Katie returned her gaze to the girl's stomach where the fingers of her right hand were idly tracing shapes. She let her finger trail straight down Effy's bare abdomen, dipping briefly into her bellybutton before continuing on down.

"You should apply to art school," Katie commented as she began to trace her way back up, remembering what had prompted this particular sexathon. She had requested that Effy show her all of her pictures and Effy had hesitatingly complied. Katie simply hadn't been able to keep her hands off of the brunette after a while. The girl really had an incredible talent.

Effy cleared her throat and Katie looked up at her face again to find that Effy was looking rather sheepish. Katie grinned to herself for a moment. She loved that when it was just the two of them, the whole facade that Effy put on for the rest of the world just crumbled, leaving her completely exposed and open. Katie never had any problems reading her like a book. "What?" she probed.

"I already have," Effy replied.

"Oh," Katie frowned for a second. Then again, there was no outright reason that Effy should have told her that. They hadn't exactly discussed plans for the future or anything. "Where?"

Effy shrugged. "A few, but I'm hoping for Edinburgh College of Arts."

Katie propped herself up then and really looked at Effy. Was she serious? She certainly seemed to be. "Really?"

"Yeah," Effy confirmed.

"I applied to the University of Edinburgh's School of Business! Even though I initially only applied to get my mum to shut up about the virtues of Scottish universities, it's actually one of my top choices," Katie relayed, hardly able to contain her excitement at what this could mean for their future. She flopped down on her back beside Effy as she began to imagine it all. "If we both get in we should definitely get a flat together. God, we could have so much fun."

Katie was aware of Effy tensing beside her. She glanced at her. "What?"

"You want...I mean...You think we'll still be together next year?" Effy inquired and Katie could hear the hope in her voice.

"Don't you?" Katie asked tenderly, bringing her hand up to brush Effy's hair out of her face.

"I wasn't sure. I want to be, but..." Effy drifted off.

"You could've asked," Katie points out, unable to stop the smirk that was spreading across her face.

"I'm asking now," Effy replied.

Katie smiled broadly then and leaned down to place a chaste kiss on Effy's lips. "I know we haven't actually outright discussed anything, but given everything we've been doing, I kinda consider you my girlfriend, and I'd like to think that we're not going to stop being together, just because college ends."

Katie watched as one of Effy's rare genuine smiles graced her features, and she couldn't help thinking how incredibly gorgeous the girl was.

Effy pulled her into a searing kiss that let Katie know exactly how Effy felt about what she'd just said. Katie found herself incredibly distracted by the kiss and began running her hands over Effy's naked form, but Effy stopped her, catching her hands in hers.

"I'm going to Cardiff next weekend. To visit Tony," Effy informed her.

Katie felt a knot forming in the pit of her stomach at the prospect of a weekend without Effy. She wished that the girl had given her more notice than this. "Oh."

Effy swallowed hard and stared Katie right in the eyes. "Come with me? Come meet him?"

Katie froze. She knew how important Tony was to Effy, and she was also fully aware that she got to see her brother all too rarely. If Effy was willing to share her time with him, and if she wanted Katie to meet him, then it was important. It was more than that even. It was something else to remind Katie of the depths of the brunette's feelings for her. "Of course," she consented, earning her another smile from Effy. "I'd love to."

Effy pulled her back in for another kiss, and this time she didn't stop Katie when she started to take things further. Katie couldn't help thinking during some of these little moments between them that this was bliss, this was how life was supposed to be.

"And why're you going to Cardiff?" Emily inquired as she sat on her bed, watching her sister pack.

"I'm going with Effy," Katie sighed.

"Effy?" Emily questioned.

"Yes, Effy," Katie confirmed. She'd been generally more honest with her sister of late, but she'd been postponing telling Emily about the exact nature of her growing relationship with the slender brunette. "We're going to see Tony."

"Her brother?"

"Yes." Katie continued to rush around the room, trying to plan outfits for any potential outing. She wanted to dress to impress. She wanted Tony to like her.

"She's taking you to meet her brother?" Emily asked.

"Yep," Katie replied as she held up two different tops, trying to choose between them. "Which one do you like more?" she demanded.

Emily glanced between them. "Right one," she decided.

Katie nodded her agreement and folded it carefully, tucking it into her bag.

"Katie?"

"Mm?" Katie glanced up momentarily before spotting the pair of heels she'd been looking for under the bed.

"Katie, can you stop for like two seconds?" Emily requested.

Katie heard the serious tone in her sister's voice and knew it was time. She stopped and turned to fully face her sister, catching Naomi out of the corner of her eye as she appeared in the doorway. She couldn't help thinking that the blonde had uncanny timing. She could definitely use the support right now. She nodded a greeting at Naomi who nodded back as she took in the scene. Emily smiled at her girlfriend, but Katie knew that her focus was still on her.

"I like her," Katie informed her sister, answering the unasked question.

Emily's jaw dropped. Katie knew that her sister had become more at ease with the idea of the two of them being friends, and indeed had grown fairly friendly towards Effy herself, but there was still a slight sense of hesitation that Emily had with regards to the brunette. Katie could understand it too. They were fiercely protective of each other, and if the situation had been reversed, she'd have been a bit wary of Effy as well. Emily closed her mouth after a second and cleared her throat. Katie could practically see the wheels turning in her sister's head. She glanced at Naomi who was smiling at her, a knowing look in her eye.

"Like her, like her? As in romantically?" Emily inquired, but Katie knew that she knew the answer already.

"We're together. We're dating," Katie confirmed.

Emily sat still on the bed for a few minutes and Katie knew that she was processing the information she'd just been given.

Naomi, however, didn't need the time. She stepped into the room and pulled Katie into a hug. "About bloody time," she muttered in Katie's ear.

"Shut up," Katie growled, but it wasn't angry, and she hugged Naomi back.

"So you're bisexual?" Emily inquired after a few more minutes, during which Naomi had let go of Katie and taken a seat at her girlfriend's side.

"Or something. I've decided it doesn't really matter," Katie replied.

She could see her sister open her mouth, tempted to come back at that statement with a smart ass retort (that Katie was fully aware that she'd deserve), but Emily apparently thought better of it and closed her mouth again. "Does she make you happy?"

"Yes," Katie said honestly.

Emily smiled then. "Good." She stood and quickly wrapped her sister in a tight hug. "How long?"

"A month, give or take. A month that we've been like really together," Katie admitted.

"A month?" Emily pushed her sister back and slapped her on the arm. "And you're just telling me?"

"Sorry," Katie murmured, and Emily pulled her back into the hug.

"Fucking tell me things next time," Emily requested, squeezing her twin tightly.

"I will," Katie promised.

Naomi cleared her throat pointedly and Katie rolled her eyes.

"Right, so in the name of full disclosure: she and I kinda, well...like we..."

"Fucked," Naomi supplied helpfully.

"Fuck off," Katie flipped her off with a glare. "Anyway, we were together, just once, kinda drunkenly, back, a while ago."

Emily gasped. "What? When?"

Katie sighed and looked to Naomi for help. "The night we fought about me snogging Cook," Naomi offered up.

"But you were still with Cook then, in fact you...Oh," Emily murmured realisation dawning. "Wait, and you knew?" Emily turned on her girlfriend.

"I kind of accidently walked in at an inopportune moment," Naomi replied.

"And you didn't tell me?" Emily demanded.

"I asked her...No, actually, I told her not to," Katie came to Naomi's defence.

"I seem to remember something like a death threat taking place at one point," Naomi offered.

"Possibly," Katie admitted.

Emily paused and took a deep breath. "Well I guess I understand...I mean...But why? Why did you sleep with her then? You still like hated her then!"

"No, I never really hated her, and she just...I don't know. I really can't explain it, Ems. It just happened," Katie felt her cheeks flushing. It was still something she hadn't thought about all that much, but she'd decided that she didn't regret it. "But it doesn't matter. What matters is now."

Emily nodded. "Ok. And you're happy, so I'm happy for you," she smiled at her sister, and Katie felt love welling up inside of her for her twin. She knew that Emily probably wasn't completely ok with it yet, but she was trying and that was good enough for her.

"I'm glad you two finally got together," Naomi muttered.

"Oh yeah?" Katie inquired, as she resumed packing.

"Are you kidding? God, she's only been in love with you since that night! You should have seen her face when you came back after so obviously being with Cook..." Naomi trailed off as Katie froze in place.

She turned to face Naomi. "Since then?" she asked. She knew that Effy had loved her for a while, but she didn't imagine it had been that long.

"Yeah," Naomi nodded.

"I should...I need to..." Katie was overwhelmed with an urge to see the girl, to hold her, to kiss her. Other events began to slip into place. That was why Effy's was at her house that night when she'd gotten home from the party just sitting in the rain. That was why Effy was just always around. That was why Effy had stood by her so strongly. "I gotta go," Katie said, dropping what she held in her hand into her bag without looking to see what it was. "I'll be back later."

"Don't you have to pack?" Emily called after her.

"Yeah...I...Can you do it? Just throw some other stuff in," Katie replied absently, her desire to make sure her clothes made a good impression on Tony forgotten in her need to see her girlfriend. She didn't wait around to hear Emily's answer.

Effy looked up in surprise to find Katie standing in the doorway of her bedroom, studying her closely. She'd expected the girl to be at home, packing. They were catching the train to Cardiff in just a few short hours.

"How long has it been?" Katie asked.

"What?" Effy was baffled at what Katie could possibly be referring to.

"How long have you been in love with me? Because Naomi thinks that it's been since that night when you and I first fucked, like the first times, and I just-"

"Longer," Effy admitted, cutting her off.

"What?" Katie's eyes went wide.

"I mean I don't think I knew that I did, but since before that. Since almost the beginning of the school year," Effy elaborated.

Katie's lips were on hers in a flash, hands on her sides, pushing her down onto the bed that was littered with clothes waiting to be packed. Katie hadn't said the words yet, but when she kept reacting like this to small little concessions from Effy, Effy didn't need her to. Especially not now she knew that Katie was thinking of a future for the two of them.

"Katie," Effy gasped after a minute, when Katie's hands started to work her top off. "Katie, we've got to leave soon," she argued, but her body was contradicting her, aching for more of Katie's touch.

"We'll be quick," Katie muttered as her lips kissed down Effy's neck and her fingers came up to massage Effy's tits. Effy couldn't help but arch into her touch.

"I've got to pack," Effy tried again, her logical brain saying that she had things she needed to do, but her heart saying that Katie was at the top of that list.

"Why? You don't need clothes," Katie murmured before capturing Effy's tit in her hot mouth.

Effy moaned as Katie's tongue flicked against her erect nipple, the rest of her protests completely forgotten.

"Tony, this is Katie," Effy introduced the nervous brunette, while trying not to grin like an idiot. She couldn't help being excited that the two most important people in her life were finally meeting. Besides, she found herself wanting to smile so much in general recently. Just having Katie around lifted her mood, made her feel worthwhile, made her feel cared about. She squeezed Katie's hand reassuringly as Katie stepped forward and held out her free hand to Tony.

"Nice to finally meet you," Katie said, and Effy could tell that the girl's normal confidence was failing her.

"Ah, the infamous Katie. I understand my sister whacked you in the head with a rock once upon a time," Tony grinned, shooting a wink at Effy before completely ignoring Katie's hand and pulling her into a hug. "Nice to finally meet you, too."

"Fuck off, Tone," Effy glared coolly, but she couldn't manage to keep a small grin off of her face.

"She's prettier than you said," Tony whispered to Effy when he'd let Katie go, just loud enough so that the girl would overhear.

Effy watched in amusement as Katie's cheeks turned bright red. Effy shoved her brother playfully, but she couldn't really be annoyed with him for making Katie blush. Not when the girl in question looked so adorable doing so.

"So, Katie, let's get the two of you back to my place and we can talk about how you're fucking my sister," Tony transitioned, picking up Katie's bag and throwing it easily over his shoulder as he wrapped his other arm around Katie's waist guiding her away from the train station.

Effy groaned and followed after them, grabbing her own (substantially smaller) bag.

Tony lived near the train station, so the walk didn't take long, but by the time they'd reached the small flat, it was clear to Effy that her brother had completely charmed Katie. He was good at all of that small talk and complimenting that Effy had never really bothered with.

Effy slipped in behind them and put her arm around her girlfriend as Tony took their bags to the bedroom they'd be staying in. His flatmate was apparently away for the weekend so they'd have an actual room, rather than just the couch, which Effy was extremely pleased about given how she and Katie seemed to be unable of keeping their hands off of each other for long. It still surprised her how much Katie seemed to want her and want to be with her. She'd never considered herself especially lucky before, but with Katie at her side, hand working around her waist, pulling her in closer, she couldn't not think that she was incredibly lucky.

"You ok?" Effy whispered in Katie's ear.

"Yeah. He's really nice," Katie replied. "A bit intimidating, but he's cool."

"Sorry about his offhand comments about us," Effy apologised.

Katie glanced up into her eyes and Effy felt herself melting a little inside. "It's ok. He cares about you."

Effy smiled at Katie and pulled her in for a quick kiss, which was interrupted by her brother whistling. "Shut up," she growled as she pulled reluctantly away from Katie.

"So I take it the sex is good," Tony suggested with a grin.

Effy flipped him off, but Katie surprised her by saying, "You can only imagine."

Tony laughed aloud and winked at Effy then. "Ef, why don't you help me get Katie some tea," he said, in what Effy couldn't help thinking was the worst cover ever.

She complied though, placing a quick kiss on Katie's cheek before trailing her brother into the kitchen.

"So…" Tony opened.

"So what?" Effy replied, not wanting to give her brother anything.

"She seems nice," Tony mused as he put the tea on.

"She is. She's amazing," Effy agreed, the added compliment slipping out without her express permission.

Her brother grinned cheekily at her. "You seem happy, Ef. Happier than I've ever seen you."

Effy took a deep breath and glanced back to the living room where Katie had taken a seat. "I really am."

"Good. I'll have to thank her then," Tony concluded.

"Tony," Effy murmured, voice carrying a hint of warning. "Play nice."

"I will. If she's making you this happy, I'm hardly about to scare her away," Tony assured her.

"Good, because I love her," Effy declared, though her heart was racing. It was the first time she'd admitted it aloud to anyone other than Katie, and somehow that made it feel even more real.

Tony's eyes widened in surprise, but to his credit he didn't make a big deal about it, and Effy felt herself starting to relax a bit as they eventually carried the tea back to the living room and she settled onto the couch next to Katie. They fell to talking and before long, Effy found herself thinking that this was how things were supposed to be. Katie and Tony, the two most important parts of her life, here together with her, getting along. She smiled a genuine smile and squeezed Katie's hand. It seemed like she was smiling all the time these days. She couldn't help thinking that it felt good to do so.

"You really care about her, don't you," Tony asked while they were out at a bar as soon as Effy disappeared off to the loo.

Katie turned to him nervously. She'd been anticipating a chat like this all day. She nodded her head. "I do."

"Good, because she's fucking head over heels in love with you," Tony informed her.

Katie swallowed hard. "I know," she replied softly.

"And she's a lot more fragile than she lets on," Tony said pointedly.

Katie nodded. She knew that. She'd seen it firsthand. "I don't intend to break her," Katie assured him.

Tony leaned back and examined her for a minute. She squirmed under the intensity of her gaze. After a few minutes his face broke into a handsome grin. "I don't think you will," he replied.

Katie smiled tentatively. She felt like she'd just passed some test. When Effy returned moments later, her smile turned more genuine. Katie was glad that she'd come to Cardiff with Effy. She was getting to see a whole new side of her. It was nice seeing her being more open and animated with Tony. It was nice getting an insight into the girl's past with the stories that Tony kept telling, too. Katie couldn't help thinking that each one made her care about the girl even more.

Katie hugged Effy hard. She couldn't believe it. They'd both gotten in. They were headed to Edinburgh next year. She couldn't wait to get back to Effy's with her and start looking for flats that they could share. She glanced around quickly and didn't see anybody nearby who was paying them any attention, so she placed a gentle kiss on her girlfriend's lips. Things were finally turning out well and she couldn't be happier.

She pulled back and slipped her hand into Effy's, not caring especially if people saw that as they started to stroll around the grounds. If they wanted to draw their own conclusions regarding it, let them. They'd both be out of Bristol soon enough. She wasn't about to flaunt it by snogging Effy at every opportunity (although the idea did appeal to her on some level), but she was through being embarrassed about it or worrying who knew.

"I think someone wants your attention," Effy elbowed her in the side.

Katie looked at Effy in confusion, then turned to see who was in the direction that Effy nodded in. She froze when she saw Cook leaning against the building, smoking the end of a fag. He straightened up when he saw her looking at him, and flicked the butt of the cigarette away. Katie took a deep breath, and felt Effy squeeze her hand.

"I guess I've been putting him off long enough," Katie sighed.

"Probably," Effy agreed, though Katie could tell that she didn't seem all that thrilled with the idea of her going off to talk to him.

"I'll be back in a minute, ok?" Katie said, offering Effy a small smile despite the knots forming in her stomach.

Effy nodded, and Katie leaned in to kiss her on the cheek. She took another deep breath before heading over towards Cook.

"Hey," Cook offered, nodding at her.

"Hi, Cook," she replied.

"So," Cook scratched his head and squinted his eyes in the way that Katie knew meant he was thinking of how best to phrase something, "Naoms told me about...Well...I'm really sorry, Katie."

"Thanks," Katie murmured, squirming awkwardly.

"I mean it. I should've stepped up, and I was a right wanker. I'm sorry," Cook said earnestly, and Katie knew that he was being sincere.

"It's ok. It's the past, right?" Katie smiled tentatively at him. She had forgiven him for the way that he'd reacted. She'd forgiven him for knocking her up to begin with (thou she'd never fully blamed him for that). Life happened and she'd learned to try to deal with what it threw at her. Her therapy was helping a lot, and Effy...well Effy was her saving grace.

"How are you? You ok? You look good," Cook asked, and she could tell that he was nervous as well.

"Yeah, I'm good, thanks," Katie couldn't help glancing back over her shoulder to where Effy was waiting for her. _And she's the reason why,_ she added to herself.

"You know, I didn't get yous at first. Thought maybe it was to get back at me or summat. I saw it like starting or whatever. You two becoming friends, and...more?"

Katie took a deep breath. "Yeah," she confirmed.

"I get it now though. You like, care about each other, and shit," Cook acknowledged.

"Thanks," Katie replied.

"Yeah," Cook murmured.

An awkward silence descended on them, and Katie wasn't quite sure how to proceed.

"I love her, Cook," Katie informed him before she had time to think about it. It was the first time she'd admitted her feelings aloud and it took her a bit by surprise. It was true though. She had no doubt.

Cook nodded. "Yeah. I see that," he replied. "Well, anyway, I just wanted to say sorry for being such an idiot before, and, well...I really like you, so I hope that maybe we can be friends."

Katie smiled. "Yeah. I'd like that."

Cook grinned back at her then. "Good." He seemed to hesitate for a second, and then the next thing Katie knew she was being pulled into a tight hug by his strong arms. "Funny how the two birds I've ever cared about go and fall for each other," he mused, still holding her close.

"Guess you've got good taste in women," Katie teased softly.

Cook chuckled low. "Guess so," he replied. "You two take care of each other, yeah?"

"We will," Katie assured him before pulling away.

Cook took a deep breath and smoothed his clothes. "Right, best not keep your girl waiting, yeah?"

"Thanks, Cook," Katie said, hoping that he'd understand everything that she was thanking him for. He'd done a lot for her after all. She never could've gotten to this point without him.

"No problem. See you around," he replied as casually as he could, but Katie caught the hint of emotion in his voice.

"Soon," she promised.

She watched him saunter off, and then smiled as she felt a warm, soft hand slip into her own.

"Everything alright?" Effy inquired.

Katie turned a wide smile on her girlfriend. "Yeah. We just needed a bit of closure, you know?"

Effy nodded.

"He knows about us, by the way. Apparently we're not as subtle as we think we are," Katie informed her, a bit surprised that that knowledge didn't worry her more.

"Oh," Effy said, brows furrowing.

"I think we might need to get used to people knowing, actually. I mean if we're going to be living together and everything. We should maybe...tell people?" Katie suggested as they began to walk again.

Effy turned a surprised expression on her girlfriend. "Yeah?" she asked, and Katie heard the hope and the happiness in her voice.

"I think so. I mean Ems and Naomi and apparently Cook all know anyway. And Tony. Your mum," Katie listed the people off.

"True," Effy agreed.

"I think Ems might flip though," Katie mused.

"Why?" Effy's brow crinkled in confusion.

"When she realises I'm in love with you," Katie supplied, smiling to herself at the admission.

Effy froze beside her, so Katie's hand was yanked back and she had to turn to face her. She saw the elation in the slender girl's eyes and was happy that she'd finally found the courage to say it. Effy's eyes searched hers for a second, and then she pulled her into a deep kiss.

Katie detached herself after a few minutes and the continued to stroll, Effy squeezing her hand tightly.

"I think your mum'll flip more," Effy said after a few minutes, amusement evident in her voice.

Katie chuckled softly and shrugged. "She'll deal. We can face anything."

Effy tugged Katie in closer to her side and leaned her head on Katie's. "Mm," she agreed. "Together."

The End.

**A/N: Thanks to all of you who stuck with this and read it all. All of your comments have really meant a lot to me and are much appreciated! I hope you all liked the end! Please R&R if you have a chance! :) Thanks again! **


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